If Dreams Come True

My cherubic-self is floating around in a queue. Waiting for my turn. When I get to the front of the line I find a coveted name at the top of the 'options' list. Fully aware of my luck, I snatch the name and hold it close to my heart. I don't even stop to question why fate has smiled upon me, I only try to soak it all in. "I get to be Marv's daughter" I whisper.

The next thing I know, I'm living my life in flashes:

I'm in the delivery room, looking into his big, safe eyes.

I'm learning to ski as I stand between his legs.

I'm throwing him my best pitch.

I'm snuggling with him on the couch.

I'm rushing through the airport until I spot his warm smile.

I'm looking into his steady eyes as he escorts me down the aisle.

I'm watching as my newborn child searches his face for the safety I've known throughout the years.

I'm comforted by him as I struggle to protect my daughter.

I'm encouraged my him as I strive to raise an independent person.

I'm there to hold his hand before he passes.

And then, the most amazing thing happens. Just as my life comes to a close, I find myself living out the dance that Mia Michaels choreographed. I enter heaven and see his beautiful smile. He knows I'm coming and has dressed in his finest. We rush to each other and embrace. Not able to contain our excitement, we jump from cloud to cloud - playing and dancing. We are the happiest we'll ever be because we know that we'll finally be together forever.

Stream of Consciousness

I want to move.
I want to live someplace with sunshine. I
want to be near family.
I want to be near friends.
What if moving doesn't make me happy?
What if I get there and find myself in the same predicament I'm in now?
I'll at least be near family and friends.
I'll have a house.
I'll have the freedom to go on vacations to places other than where my family lives.
I can feel safe again.
I can find my happiness there.
And if worse comes to worse, I can move again.
I don't want to move again.
I want to find a place that I can grow roots.
A place where I can plant a lilac tree.
And have a deck that overlooks the greenery.
I want to know that if I run out of change the day before payday I can go to my in-law's for dinner.
I don't want to sit in my condo every night and watch t.v. anymore.
I'm perpetuating the cycle of loneliness.

Chemo Limo

Having married into a family where cancer is not out of the ordinary, I think I have a pretty good grasp on what it's like to go through chemotherapy. I hope to never know more than I do now.
From what I've seen, chemo is a test of a person's strenth of mind and body. It makes or breaks your spirit. And even years after chemo (and radiation) the recipient typically has related health issues.
So when I heard a song called Chemo Limo by Regina Spektor it sparked my imagination. What if there WAS such a thing as a chemo limo? What if cancer patients were able to have their chemo treatment in the back of a limosine? Or better yet, at a spa?
Sure, they'd have a catheter or I.V. dripping their cocktail into their bloodstream, but they'd also be getting a foot massage, or a facial. Wouldn't that be a great alternative to watching Mama's Family on a 1980's t.v.?

Favorite Summer Memories

After reading Rude Cactus a few days ago, I decided to post about my favorite memory of the summer.
Paige drove up with her family to celebrate the 4th of July with me. It was convenient to have them come up for a holiday weekend, but it was more than just hanging out during our independence weekend.
See, Paige arrived in America on July 4th - 28 years ago. She was born in Seoul, Korea and lived in a foster home for 2 years before joining our family. And since she is my nearest and dearest sibling I can't help but think of what my life would be without her. July 4th is my favorite holiday because it's the day she became my sister. Granted, I wasn't born for another 3 years, but without that day she wouldn't be my Onni.

In a Box in my Basement

Similar to previous post only this list contains people that I would like to put in a box in my basement to prevent ever having to hear/see again.

1) obviously - Paris Hilton.
2) Lindsay Lohan.
3) Mario Lopez
4) Danny Bonaduce
5) Star Jones
6) Trishelle from the Real World Las Vegas
7) come to think of it - the entire Real World cast past and present
8) Kimberly Steward
9) Tara Reid. But I think I'll put her, Kimberly, Lindsay and Paris in one box to save on space.
10) Tori Spelling
11) Wilmer Valderama
12) Jesse Metcalfe
13) Montgomery Gentry (this was previously Toby Keith but he's grown on me. Plus I'd rather point out the idiocy of shooting a caged bear).
14) Moby
15) Hollywood Hulk Hogan
16) The Pussycat Dolls
and for Lushy (with whom I completely agree) - 17) Phil Collins

In a Box Under the Bed

I found this post to be so amusing that I had to pass it along.

It got me thinking about the men I'd like to hide under my bed.
I'll try to keep the list short since I'm sure Logic's boxes will take up some room too...

1) Dave Matthews
2) Doug Robb of Hoobastank
3) Josh Groban
4) Conan O'Brien
5) Adam Brody
6) Ryan Gosling
7) Jack White
8) Will Arnett