Ms. Magazine: Who Wants to Marry a Feminist by Lisa Miya-Jervis

I am working on a paper about Ms. Magazine for my Race, Gender, and Class in the Media course and I really enjoyed this article. Just thought I'd share.

Who Wants to Marry a Feminist?
By Lisa Miya-Jervis


The winter I got engaged, a college friend was using some of my essays as course material for a Rhetoric 101 class she was teaching at a large Midwestern university. She couldn't wait to alert her students to my impending marriage. "They all think you're a lesbian," she told me. "One of them even asked if you hate men." I was blown over by the clichZ of it all--how had we come to the end of the twentieth century with such ridiculous, outmoded notions even partially intact? But I was, at least, pleased that my friend was able to use my story to banish the stereotype once and (I hoped) for all in the minds of 30 corn-fed first-years. "To a man?" they reportedly gasped when told the news.

I'd been married less than a year when a customer at the bookstore where my husband works approached the counter to buy a copy of the feminist magazine I edit. "You know," a staffer told her while ringing up the purchase, "the woman who does this magazine is married to a guy who works here." The customer, supposedly a longtime reader, was outraged at the news--I believe the phrase "betrayal of feminism" was uttered--and vowed never to buy the magazine again.

These two incidents may be extreme, but they are nonetheless indicative. Although we are far from rare, young married feminists are still, for some, something of a novelty--like a dressed-up dog. We can cause a surprised "Oh, would you look at that" or a disappointed "Take that damned hat off the dog, it's just not right."

Let's take the disappointment first. Marriage's bad reputation among feminists is certainly not without reason. We all know the institution's tarnished history: women as property passed from father to husband; monogamy as the simplest way to assure paternity and thus produce "legitimate" children; a husband's legal entitlement to his wife's domestic and sexual services. With marriage rates falling and social sanctions against cohabitation falling away, why would a feminist choose to take part in such a retro, potentially oppressive, bigotedly exclusive institution?

Well, there are a lot of reasons, actually. Foremost are the emotional ones: love, companionship, the pure joy that meeting your match brings with it. But, because I'm wary of the kind of muddled romanticizing that has ill-served women in their heterosexual dealings for most of recorded history, I have plenty of other reasons. To reject marriage simply because of its history is to give in to that history; to argue against marriage by saying that a wife's identity is necessarily subsumed by her husband's is to do nothing more than second the notion.

And wasn't it feminists who fought so hard to procure the basic rights that used to be obliterated by marriage? Because of the women's rights movement, we can maintain our own bank accounts; we can make our own health care choices; we can refuse sex with our husbands and prosecute them if they don't comply. In the feminist imagination, "wife" can still conjure up images of cookie-baking, cookie-cutter Donna Reeds whose own desires have been forced to take a backseat to their stultifying helpmate duties. But it's neither 1750 nor 1950, and Donna Reed was a mythical figure even in her own time. Marriage, now, is potentially what we make it.

Which brings me to the "surprise" portion of our program. As long as the yeti of the antifeminist world--the hairy-legged man-hater (everyone claims to have seen her but actual evidence is sparse)--roams the earth, we need to counteract her image. And as long as wives are assumed--by anyone--to be obedient little women with no lives of their own, those of us who give the lie to this straw bride need to make ourselves as conspicuous as possible.

I want to take the good from marriage and leave the rest. I know it's not for everyone, but the "for as long as we both shall live" love and support thang really works for me. Sure, I didn't need the wedding to get that love and support, but neither does the fact of marriage automatically consign me and my man to traditional man-and-wife roles. Like so many relationships, married and un-, ours is a complex weave of support, independence, and sex. We achieve this privately--from the mundanities of you-have-to-cook-tonight-because-I-have-this-deadline-tomorrow to sleepy late-night discussions on more profound matters, like the meaning of life or how many steps it takes to link Kevin Bacon to John Gielgud by way of at least one vampire movie. But also publicly--with our name change, for example (explaining to folks like the Social Security Administration and whoever hands out passports that, yes, we both need new papers, because we each have added the other's name was, and I mean this quite seriously, a thrill). And it's this public nature of marriage that appeals. It's what allows me to take a stab at all this change I've been yammering about.

I won't pretend I meet with success all the time. Disrupting other people's expectations is hard, and sometimes it's neither possible nor desirable to wear the workings of one's relationship on one's sleeve. An appropriate cocktail party introduction is not, "This is my husband, Christopher, who knows how to truss a turkey, which I don't, and who, by the way, doesn't mind at all that I make more money than him. Oh, and did I mention that the last time our toilet got scrubbed, it wasn't by me?"

Plus, some people's perceptions can only change so much. My 90-year-old grandfather, who has been nothing but open-minded and incredibly supportive of my feminist work, persists in asking what my husband is going to do for food whenever I leave town on my own. Each time, I say the same thing: "Christopher knows perfectly well how to feed himself. In fact, he's cooking dinner for me right now." And then my grandfather gives a little surprised chuckle: those crazy kids, what will they think of next? And my accountant, who's been doing my taxes for years and knows my husband only as a Social Security number, automatically assigned Christopher the status of "taxpayer" and put me down as "spouse" on our first joint return. Yeah, it was a tad annoying, but so far it's the sum total of the eclipse of my identity by his. Not so bad, really.

By and large I do believe that we're culturally ready to accept changes in the way marriages are viewed. Increasing rates of cohabitation and the growing visibility of long-term same-sex partnerships are changing popular notions of relationships. Even trash TV holds promise: Fox's Who Wants to Marry a Multi-Millionaire? debacle laid bare many ugly things about American capitalism and media spectacle, but there was one fairly unexpected result. The show was presented as a display, however crass, of old-fashioned marital values--a trade of youth, beauty, and fecundity for wealth, security, and caretaking, complete with the groom's friends and family on hand for that lovely arranged-marriage feel. But it turned out to be nothing of the kind. The bride, as it happened, just wanted the lark of a free trip to Vegas, and the groom, a boost to his moribund show-biz career. That the concept saw the outside of a Fox conference room proves that modern marriage is in dire need of feminist attention. But the widely expressed outrage and disgust that followed the show are evidence that the general public is more than ready to discard the notion that a woman's ultimate goal is the altar.

It's true that the most important parts, the actual warp and weft of Christopher's and my relationship, could be achieved without a legal marriage (and I could have kept my third-wave street cred). In the end, though, the decision to marry or not to marry is--no matter how political the personal--an emotional one. I wanted to link my life to Christopher's, and, yes, I admit to taking advantage of the universally understood straight-shot-to-relationship-legitimacy that marriage offers. But it is a testament to the feminists who came before me, who offered up all those arguments about marriage's oppressive roots and worked tirelessly to ensure that my husband owns neither my body nor my paycheck, that I can indulge my emotion without fear of being caught in those roots. Instead, I can carry on their struggle and help forge a new vision of what marriage is.

~Lisa Miya-Jervis is the editor of "Bitch: Feminist Response to Pop Culture" and coeditor of "Young Wives' Tales," an upcoming anthology of feminist writings on partnership (Seal Press 2001).

While I Was Sleeping

Logic was in a meeting this morning that may have significant impact on our lives. While I laid in bed, sleeping after a grueling night of "My Mommy!, No! My Mommy!" arguing between the cats (my life is so tough), Logic was summoned into the conference room to learn that his boss was being transferred to another location, his team was merging with another, and a position that he is very interested in will be re-located to the Olympia branch.
His call, which woke me up, was full of anticipation and excitement. He is still interested in the position and wants to talk to me about how we can make it work while I finish school. It hadn't occurred to me that losing my job might set us up to make some drastic changes. But it seems to be one less thing tying us to Seattle. Part of me is sad.
I've grown to really care about Seattle. Once I got past the gloom, I saw the true beauty of the city which comes from its people. There are so many personalities roaming the 7 hills of Seattle and I don't know if I am ready to leave.
But, as I write this, I know I am getting ahead of myself. Logic works for the government which means nothing is going to happen overnight. And when it does happen, I know we will make the best decision for us.
It really is funny how one change can cause a domino effect in life. Already I am staring down a full-load at school and the possibility of supplementing my income by waiting tables - something I never thought I'd do again. But it just feels right.
I could have never imagined quitting my corporate job - with its 401(k), stock options, and paid vacation - to focus primarily on school and wait tables on the side. But since the situation was given to me, it seems like the best thing to do.
So I'm sure when it comes time to figure out Logic's next professional move, the situation will present itself with some great options for us. They may not be the ones I would choose for us now, but down the road they might just be perfect.

Simplicity

I love this new layout. It's a blank canvas. Kind of like my life.
I was inspired to change this after creating a new photo-blog (found here).
The simplicity of the template doesn't distract, and that's what I want in my life: no distractions.
Let me know what you think of this, and of the photoblog.

Yet Another Story about George

I feel guilty.
George was all alone and sad after Gracie had to be put to sleep. We let him cry for 2 months before it became unbearable. We wanted him to know that we missed Grace as much as he did and that we weren't trying to replace her, but we also wanted him to have companionship. So in January we got him a friend.
Mobey had an upper respiratory infection when we picked him up from the shelter and we tried noticed significant improvement before he was fully integrated so we figured everything would be fine. But a few weeks later George started drooling and we found a cold-sore on his tongue. A few weeks after that, his eye started to ooze. Logic took him back to the vet to learn that he has herpes and needed to be on antibiotics.
Well, this last week he started coughing. We took him to the vet yet again and she said the cough wouldn't be related to the other symptoms and its possible that he might have asthma.
As a cat-mama I am stressed out. Would any of this happened if we hadn't brought Mobey home for him?
It makes me sad to write that. Mobey is a wonderful addition to our family and he and George are fast-friends. But I can't help feeling like it's my fault for bringing a sick kitty into the house and making my other cat sick because of it.
Poor Georgie.

Weather Watch

It was a beautiful week but there's a storm heading this way. Unfortunately for me, a dear friend was planning on visiting but might not be able to make it over the pass now. Stupid weather.

Time

"What Sells in a Recession: Canned Goods and Condoms"

Recent Inspiration

Fast Asleep

A good friend recently told me that it's normal for someone who is laid off to be hard on themselves afterward. This pearl of wisdom came after I told her that I felt deserving of my recent lack of employment. Even though that conversation was only 2 days ago, I can honestly say it feels so far in the past.
Last night I had difficulty sleeping, so I laid in bed for hours thinking about my future. You know - the one that is wide open now. I shifted from thinking about my previous job to realizing that I don't want something similar. I had spent all last week looking for the same job with a different name when I could have been focusing on something much more suitable for me.
Regardless of how influential my performance was in my unemployment, I hated my job. It consisted primarily of the type of work I don't enjoy doing. There were statistics for how to do the investigations correctly, statistics for financials, even statistics for the employees' performances. I am not a numbers person.
I like adjectives, emotions, expressing opinions, gaining new insight, creating positive change. My previous job was none of those things.
As soon as I realized that I am truly in a position for creating positive change in my own life, I fell fast asleep.

Suzanne Vega

"A song can benefit from a gorgeous melody or from the distinct absence of one."

~NYT

Good Things That My Former Employer Gave Me:

in list form

- a paycheck, obviously.. and security, but this isn't that kind of list

- a better understanding of computers and software
- a camera (yay to winning the contest in December)
- friends
- a box to bring my belongings home in which doubles as an awesome toy for the cats
- unemployment insurance
- seeing David Sedaris, Lewis Black, John Edwards, David Bach, Matisyahu, David Lynch, T-Bone Burnett, and The Presidents of the United States of America up close.
- a bus pass
- sushi and beer at Umi's
- lots of pizza
- the flexibility to take evening degree courses at UW
- Excel training
- free admission to the EMP, 5th Avenue Theater, a simulated Vegas in the Westin, and the Flight Museum
- loads of free books
- a greater appreciation for Asian style food
- daily access to the internet/IM/email
- dinner at Buca di Beppo's and pool at Jillian's Billiards

Fruition

Last week I sent myself an article from the New York Times about writing a cover letter.
Today I was let go.
Coincidence?

Funny and Complimentary

This was emailed to me today with the tag: "This is you."


"If you see a white woman and you are trying to figure out whether she is liked or just merely tolerated by white people, the best thing you can do is get a quick look at her haircut. It is a known fact that white people love women who wear their hair with bangs that hang straight down."

~courtesy of "stuff white people like #104"

Thinking of You

Today is going to be hard, and so is tomorrow.
I'm just glad that you have her to give you these in this time of duress.

Family Time: Like Herding Cattle

Since the visit took place in Seattle, I became the Event Coordinator for the week. It was exhausting:
Bainbridge Island twice, Space Needle, Carousel/Ferris Wheel rides, Greenlake twice, Alki, Place Pigalle for dinner w/ all the family, swimming, flu, play ground, watching my 5 year old niece read books, write and answer flashcards, walk through the Market, shopping, and LOTS of eating.

VD on VD

George has a gooey eye so Logic took him to the vet this morning.
I'm choosing to work since I was sick for a few days and need to make up some time. Logic called to tell me what the vet said: "No joke: George hsa herpes."
How appropriate.

Conan O'Brien

"I would rather fail doing this than succeed doing something else."

Douche Awards

There is a tan truck in front of my condo building that is parked in two spots. It doesn't appear to be an accident since he does this daily. And believe-you-me, it's not because he's worried about the condition of his prized position. The Adam Sandler "Piece of Shit Car" song comes to mind.
Anyway, when I finally get around to creating my Douche Award business cards, he is going to be the first person to receive it. But today's topic isn't about the tan truck, it's about those cards. If I were to add this guy's picture to my Douche Award cards, would that be copyright infringment?

Our Family

We lost Gracie a few months ago. She rapidly lost weight and struggled for three weeks with Liver Disease before we did what was humane and right. But it was not easy.
We suffered as she became a figment of our imagination - showing up for a fraction of a second in the bedroom or on her favorite chair.
Our favorite "Gracie Songs" were started and halted in mid-sentence.
Her much-loved toys lied untouched.
It was especially hard to see her in the face of her brother.The two of them looked so much alike that we would sometimes mistake him for her. He stood as a testimony to her in his appearance and the toys that couldn't be boxed up and donated. He was still with us. He still needed our affection. And he was hurting as much as we were.
We wanted to give Georgie time to mourn but as the weeks passed, it became more and more evident that he was miserable. He would roam the house at night, looking for his sister and making the most heart-wrenching meowing noises that a cat-parent could hear.
I started to toy with the idea of getting him a friend but Logic was steadfast in his belief that if we did it too soon it would be like replacing Gracie. I agreed but watched my remaining cat slide deeper and deeper into despair.
I tried to give Logic some space - I didn't want him to feel forced into the idea, but whenever the topic came up I was eager to express my concern for George. It wasn't until two weeks ago that Logic came around.
We were coming home from work and could hear George's guttural moaning from downstairs. As we opened the door, he made a run for it. Luckily, we live in a building without outside access to our unit so George only made it as far as the hallway, but it was heart-breaking to see our favorite little guy be so desperate to get away.
Two days later (I'd been preparing for this and had done quite a bit of research), we went to my favorite shelter and picked up a new friend for our George. It has taken a week of integration - following guidelines in many different books and from our Vet - but today we left the boys unsupervised and free to roam the entire house together.
Since picking up Mobey last week, George has been a little hesitant, which is to be expected. We have made every effort to show him that Mobey isn't replacing him and have tried to give him the space to cope with this new bundle of energy. But even in the rare moments of discontent when Mobey gets a little too close or moves a little too quickly, we haven't heard any guttural moaning or heart-wrenching meows. George is quickly warming up to his new friend.
And even though Logic had to stop himself mid-sentence while singing his favorite "Gracie Song" yesterday, we are now on the slow road to recovery.
Thanks Mobey.

Oscar Predictions, 2009

BEST PICTURE
The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button
Frost/Nixon
Milk
The Reader
Slumdog Millionaire *

BEST ACTOR IN A LEADING ROLE
Richard Jenkins - The Visitor
Frank Langella - Frost/Nixon
Sean Penn - Milk
Brad Pitt - The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button
Mickey Rourke - The Wrestler *

BEST ACTRESS IN A LEADING ROLE
Anne Hathaway - Rachel Getting Married *
Angelina Jolie - Changeling
Melissa Leo - Frozen River
Meryl Streep - Doubt
Kate Winslet - The Reader

BEST ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE
Josh Brolin - Milk
Robert Downey Jr - Tropic Thunder
Philip Seymour Hoffman - Doubt
Heath Ledger -The Dark Knight *
Michael Shannon - Revolutionary Road

BEST ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE
Amy Adams - Doubt
Penelope Cruz - Vicky Cristina Barcelona
Viola Davis - Doubt
Taraji P Henson - The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button
Marisa Tomei - The Wrestler *

BEST DIRECTOR
David Fincher - The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button
Ron Howard - Frost/Nixon
Gus Van Sant - Milk
Stephen Daldry - The Reader
Danny Boyle - Slumdog Millionaire *

Here are the rest of the nominees – but I can’t claim to have the slightest clue on who will win in these categories.


BEST FOREIGN FILM
The Baader Meinhof Complex (Germany)
The Class (France)
Departures (Japan)
Revanche (Austria)
Waltz With Bashir (Israel)
BEST ADAPTED SCREENPLAY
Eric Roth and Robin Swicord - The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button;
John Patrick Shanley - Doubt
Peter Morgan - Frost/Nixon
David Hare - The Reader
Simon Beaufoy - Slumdog Millionaire
BEST ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY
Courtney Hunt - Frozen River
Mike Leigh - Happy-Go-Lucky
Martin McDonagh - In Bruges
Dustin Lance Black - Milk
Andrew Stanton, Jim Reardon and Pete Docter - WALL-E
BEST ANIMATED FEATURE FILM
Bolt
Kung Fu Panda
WALL-E
BEST ART DIRECTION
Changeling
The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button
The Dark Knight
The Duchess
Revolutionary Road.
BEST CINEMATOGRAPHY
Changeling
The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button
The Dark Knight
The Reader
Slumdog Millionaire
BEST SOUND MIXING
The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button
The Dark Knight
Slumdog Millionaire
WALL-E
Wanted
BEST SOUND EDITING
The Dark Knight
Iron Man
Slumdog Millionaire
WALL-E
Wanted
BEST ORIGINAL SCORE
The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button - Alexandre Desplat
Defiance - James Newton Howard
Milk - Danny Elfman
Slumdog Millionaire - AR Rahman
WALL-E - Thomas Newman
BEST ORIGINAL SONG
Down To Earth from WALL-E - Peter Gabriel and Thomas Newman
Jai Ho from Slumdog Millionaire - AR Rahman and Gulzar
O Saya from Slumdog Millionaire - AR Rahman and Maya Arulpragasam
BEST COSTUME
Australia
The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button
The Duchess
Milk
Revolutionary Road.
BEST DOCUMENTARY FEATURE
The Betrayal (Nerakhoon)
Encounters At The End Of The World
The Garden
Man on Wire
Trouble the Water
BEST DOCUMENTARY (SHORT SUBJECT):
The Conscience of Nhem En
The Final Inch
Smile Pinki
The Witness - From The Balcony Of Room 306
BEST FILM EDITING
The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button
The Dark Knight
Frost/Nixon
Milk
Slumdog Millionaire
BEST MAKE-UP
The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button
The Dark Knight
Hellboy II: The Golden Army
BEST ANIMATED SHORT FILM
La Maison en Petits Cubes
Lavatory - Lovestory
Oktapodi
Presto
This Way Up
BEST LIVE ACTION SHORT FILM
Auf Der Strecke (On the Line)
Manon On The Asphalt
New Boy
The Pig
Spielzeugland (Toyland)
BEST VISUAL EFFECTS
The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button
The Dark Knight
Iron Man

My Heart Swells With Pride

We are so fortunate to have such a loving, classy couple representing our country. What an amazing moment in history!

SNL Parodies - Will Farrell

New York Times Article by Timothy Egan

"
Timothy Egan - A New York Times Blog
January 7, 2009, 10:00 pm
Hibernation Blues

PORT ANGELES, Wash. — A few days into the new year, I stood outside the house and stared into the darkness of a deep winter night at this far western edge of America – defiant on a bone-chilling eve.

It felt lonely and hypnotic here on the Olympic Peninsula, where a jut of land the size of Massachusetts holds an immensity of snow, surrounded on three sides by unknowable depths of gunmetal-gray salt water.

At this northern location, at a latitude equal to Newfoundland, it’s hard not to feel the seasonal blues in all their smothering inevitability. Because there were no big-city lights on the horizon, and clouds veiled a thin moon, the darkness had a particularly strong grip.

I wanted to get inside by the fire, to drink something strong, to eat something sweet, to find a bear’s den of deep sleep. If you live in the north, in places where the sun is an unreliable companion for many months, you can’t escape the urge to hide and hoard in winter.

But this year, I’ve decided to fight lethargy with logic, to welcome the new president, the babies just born, to see something other than closure, dormancy and loss in the annual dark season.

It’s tough, and perhaps absurd, to battle biological imperative. I crave light, pruning high up in the trees around my house to open more patches of sky, keeping the strings of Christmas luminescence hanging into January’s bleakness, checking the daily sunset tables for those few jumps of the clock that will hold back the curtain of night until 4:35 p.m., instead of 4:33.

Friends suffer from that dreaded affliction, Seasonal Affective Disorder, the aptly named SAD. They park themselves next to south-facing windows by day, and full spectrum, 10,000 lux light boxes by night. They escape to the desert or the beach to the south. Still, for most of us, some variant of depression brought by the prevailing gloom of short days cannot be kept at bay.

Rage is another reaction. In Spokane, where six feet of snow has fallen in the last three weeks, a man was just arrested for shooting at a snow plow operator (no injuries, he missed), and mental health clinics say they are getting twice the number of calls they usually get.

“Man is the only animal that blushes,” Mark Twain famously said. “Or needs to.” We stand out in another way, as well: we can’t hibernate, unlike many of our fellow animals. Creatures that are capable of slowing their metabolic rates and lowering their body temperatures can close the whole shebang down for a few months, living off stored body reserves through the long winter.

Sad to say, we can’t generate heat from fat. The only way to get warmer during a season of sloth is to be active.

As a country, we’ve been through a long winter – endless, in some regards. Our departing president told us to shop in a time of war, to spend what we didn’t have, to act as if sacrifice was no longer a national character trait.

During that long winter, when everything was supposed to be sunshine, we bought homes we could not afford. We invested in funds that could not sustain themselves. We made hits out of television shows in which we watched other people lose weight – virtual virtue.

Our leaders fostered a certain amnesia about our history, trying to get us to forget that we don’t torture, that we don’t hold people without trial, that we were founded by rebels demanding basic human dignity.

That winter will soon be gone, leaving us with a terrible toll. The federal deficit is now projected to be $1.2 trillion this year, even without a stimulus package. New jobless numbers on Friday will make us shudder. It will take years to sort the mess and lift the gloom.

And then there is fresh war in a place of ancient hatreds. What else could winter bring?

But even with a reckoning at home and the killings overseas, I’ve chosen to embrace the few ticks of extra daylight coming on every day, in that Washington and this Washington. Action is generating heat, as it should, following the laws of nature for animals that can’t hibernate.

When the world is muffled, at its darkest, there lies possibility, if only for a sunless day.

* Copyright 2008 The New York Times Company
* Privacy Policy
* NYTimes.com 620 Eighth Avenue New York, NY 10018

"

Dr. Baldasty

"I do not want you to accept these stereotypes [of race, gender, and sexuality]; rather, I want you to be as outraged about them as I am. By identifying them, we learn the nature of the problem we confront in changing the media. By identifying them, we can sensitize others to the problem as well."

The Bracket

That's right folks, it's time for another season of The Bachelor. And because I'm a glutton for punishment, I continue to watch. Every season pisses me off and every season ends in heartbreak but I manage to pick myself back up and get excited for the next go-around.
After the first episode, some friends and I choose who we think he's going to pick, but we don't stop there. No, we make a bracket and predict which moves he'll make every step of the way.
Here's what my list looks like:

WEEK TWO
Shannon
Megan
Naomi
Lauren
Nikki
Kari
Raquel
Stephanie
Melissa
Molly
Jillian
Erica

WEEK THREE
Megan
Naomi
Lauren
Nikki
Raquel
Stephanie
Melissa
Molly
Jillian

WEEK FOUR
Naomi
Lauren
Raquel
Stephanie
Melissa
Molly

WEEK FIVE
Naomi
Lauren
Stephanie
Melissa

WEEK SIX
Naomi
Stephanie
Melissa

WEEK SEVEN
Naomi
Melissa

WEEK EIGHT - The Final Rose
Melissa


Wish me luck! Oh yeah, and Jason too. ;)

Template Issues

Is this too difficult to read?
I was having so much fun with pimpmyprofile yesterday but can't decide if this is functional or not.

Ty Wenger for Redbook

A good marriage is a bit like a pet boa constrictor: either you feed it every day or bad things happen.

7 Days of Snow

I used to have to drug myself when the weather was bad.
Anxiety comes and goes but it often comes when the weather is gloomy and dark. Lately it has been coming less and less and I attribute that to Susan, my therapist.
I have been in therapy for over 3 years now and the last year has been exceptionally good, when I started seeing Susan.
She is my confidante and the little voice inside my head that tells me to "be compassionate" with myself. In the year that I've been seeing her, I have learned so much about who I am and the different ways that my mind operates. With the progress that I've made, I have felt a shift in my soul. It's not even just a shift in my mental state, but myself as a whole. I am discovering who I am, and in doing so, how strong I am.
I have moved around most of my life and transitioned into the person I thought I needed to be when in different surroundings. I got so good at being a chameleon that I lost myself. When life finally slowed down and I lived in a city for more than a year or two I realized that I didn't know who I was or how I should cope with different situations.
One particular situation has been gloomy weather. In the process of stripping away the false layers and discovering who I really am, I stopped relying on the same sources of comfort that I was used to. That made coping with inclement weather or less-than-ideal situations all the more difficult. That allowed for anxiety to creep in.
I used to dream about the day when I wouldn't have anxiety anymore. I thought I would wake up and the clouds would dissipate, leaving me clear-headed and capable of handling anything. And then I realized that was never going to happen. Anxiety isn't something to cure. It is something I would need to learn how to live with and when I finally realized that, I also came to the conclusion that I didn't need to feel anxiety. It was something I could choose.
I have had anxiety since then, but I have also chosen to deal with it in a constructive way. Today, as I watch the snow fall from my living room for the 7th day in a row, I am proud of myself. I have been a "shut-in", as my sister puts it, for a week but instead of allowing that to make me feel claustrophobic I have chosen to view it as an adventure. This is just a storm; just an oddity. And it's a part of my life that I will look back on and say "oh yeah, I was there for that."
I am fully present and finding the fulfillment that comes with experiencing something out of the ordinary: like a crazy, unprecedented storm in Seattle.

I Felt Inspired

to write a song after reading this headline on yahoo:
"Prop. 8 sponsors seek to nullify 18K gay marriages".
So far I only have the chorus but it goes a little something like this:
MIND YOUR OWN FUCKING BUSINESS YOU HOMOPHOBES.

Triumph the Insult Comic Dog in Quebec

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UF43P-FJrFo

Mitch Hedberg

"Jamaican Air: Every flight is the red eye."

Funny or Die

See more Jack Black videos at Funny or Die

It Really is Real

A while back I wrote about my brother, Tom, telling me that his girlfriend was pregnant. He typically "lies" to me so I refused to believe him. At the baby shower, Bonnie appeared to have a belly-bump but I still was not convinced.I upped the ante and insisted on seeing the actual baby before I would believe it.
Well, last night I met Klaire and she is very real.
Tom called me at 4:00 to tell me that Bonnie was at the hospital having heavy contractions and then again at 6:30 to tell me that 'he had a Klaire'.
Logic and I rushed over to Ballard and were greeted by a 5 lb, 12 oz. bundle who immediately stole my heart.
My brother is officially a daddy and I am, again, an aunt.
Having been through this before, you would think that I have grown accustomed to how this works but every single time that I get to hold a new member of my family, I am reminded of what a gift it truly is.
I haven't held Klaire in roughly 14 hours and my heart hurts. I loathe work on a normal day but today it is exponentially worse.

Fed Up

Work is really starting to wear on me. Is there such a thing as the Four-Year-Itch? Cause I think I've caught it.

Pro-Abortion

Often times when I start my morning reading the news, I get queasy. So much is being thrown at me from National to World to Local news that it can easily seem overwhelming. So this morning I had my breakfast before I searched the headlines.
Now I'm wishing I hadn't. After reading one particular article I feel like blowing chunks:

"A South Carolina Roman Catholic priest has told his parishioners that they should refrain from receiving Holy Communion if they voted for Barack Obama because the Democratic president-elect supports abortion, and supporting him "constitutes material cooperation with intrinsic evil."

The Rev. Jay Scott Newman said in a letter distributed Sunday to parishioners at St. Mary's Catholic Church in Greenville that they are putting their souls at risk if they take Holy Communion before doing penance for their vote.

"Our nation has chosen for its chief executive the most radical pro-abortion politician ever to serve in the United States Senate or to run for president." (msnbc)

"Obama is Pro-Abortion"???? Yes, his goal is to convince people to have them. That's right. He stands outside abortion clinics trying to get people to go in. He organizes rallies with signs that read: "Do You Really Want a Baby? Why Not Kill It Instead?"

Man. I didn't expect Conservative America to actually pay attention to what he had to say because it was pretty obvious that they already had their minds made up. (Or maybe they'd already been told by their priests that their souls would be in jeopardy if they voted for Obama so they didn't even watch the debates.) But I think it's important to point out a portion of the debate between Obama and McCain in October.

McCain: "...Then there was another bill before the Senate Judiciary Committee in the state of Illinois not that long ago, where he voted against a ban on partial-birth abortion, one of the late-term abortion, a really -- one of the bad procedures, a terrible. And then, on the floor of the Illinois State Senate, he voted present.

I don't know how you vote "present" on some of that. I don't know how you align yourself with the extreme aspect of the pro- abortion movement in America."

Obama: "If it sounds incredible that I would vote to withhold lifesaving treatment from an infant, that's because it's not true. The -- here are the facts...nobody's pro-abortion. I think it's always a tragic situation." (cnn)

You Know You're Tired When...

you fall asleep on the toilet (wait for it)
at work

Montana Nicknames

I was recently asked why Montana was called Big Sky Country. Apparently, the fact that I lived there for three years qualified me to know the answer. Unfortunately, I did not.
Wanting to sound smart, I did some research and came across a site that I found to be rather interesting.

Passing on my new-found wealth of knowledge, here is a list of Montana nicknames and reasons why:


Country of the Mountains ~ This was a Shoshone expression "Toyabe-Shock-up". It was the first published nickname coined in 1865 by Granville Stuart while publishing the first book to promote Montana.

The Treasure State ~ this was the first nickname to gain acceptance by residents of Montana. It appeared on the cover of a promotional booklet published by the Montana Bureau of Agriculture, Labor, and Industry and was referring to Montana's ranking as the country's foremost producer of metallic treasure--gold, silver, and, most importantly, copper.

Land of Shining Mountains ~ The same 1895 guidebook that introduced The Treasure State nickname also referred to Montana as the "Land of Shining Mountains". This was coined by brothers Pierre and Chevalier Verendrye, French Canadian fur traders and explorers. They gazed upon the snow-capped northern Rockies and dubbed them the "Shining Mountains." According to historian Joaquin Miller's 1894 history of Montana, Native tribes also referred to the Rockies as "the Shining" because of their glittering snow. The Land of Shining Mountains remained in the popular lexicon for several decades, but the Treasure State proved its greater staying power.

Stubbed-Toe State ~ Probably the oddest moniker attached to Montana, the nickname refers to the mountainous region of western Montana where the multitude of rocks might pose a hazard to the novice hiker. This is according to the 1922 World Almanac.

Montana: High, Wide and Handsome ~ One of the most resonant Montana epithets, it first came into use during the 1940s and 50s. Its original source is unknown, although evidence points to C. B. Glasscock, who stated that "Life in Butte was high, wide, and occasionally handsome" in War of the Copper Kings published in 1935.

Big Sky Country ~ borrowed from the book The Big Sky, by A. B. Guthrie, Jr. A bestselling fur trade novel.


P.S. this is all taken from the website. I only summarized.

Do You Think

... that Lorne Michaels and Jon Stewart are disappointed with the outcome of the election?

Black President, Nas

Barack and Maya

"She was the person who encouraged and allowed us to take chances. She was proud of her grandchildren and great-grandchildren and left this world with the knowledge that her impact on all of us was meaningful and enduring. Our debt to her is beyond measure."

~regarding their Grandmother. What a bitter-sweet time for them.

Bertrand Russell

"War does not determine who is right.
Only who is left."

The Douchies

Another round of the Douche Awards today.
This time I'd like to nominate the maroon Ford Taurus that parked so close to my car in the public garage yesterday that I had to get in from the passenger side door. Not only was that incredibly inconsiderate but I'm pretty sure it was impossible for said person to get out of their car without significantly dinging up mine (luckily, I didn't see any maroon paint on my door).
Thanks alot douche!

What It Might Be Like

Not that I know... but I have the feeling I am being prepped for parenthood.
My cat, Grace, has Fatty Liver Disease which is treatable but she has been a wreck for the past few weeks; losing weight, throwing up, refusing to eat, turning yellow, you know - all the good stuff.
We have taken her to the vet more times that I can count and have done everything from blood-work to an ultra-sound to inserting a feeding tube. We're finally starting to see some progress so it has been worth all the effort, but damnit! I'm tired.
This whole ordeal has required a lot of sacrifices. The most recent one has been lack of sleep. All of the other sacrifices I can handle - like turning our house into a virtual vet office - including the hanging IV, but missing sleep is about to push me over the edge.
I remember reading a post by Aaryn a while back that talked about the challenges of parenting: more specifically, her daughter's lack of sleep which resulted in her lack of sleep. Now I can't compare what's going on to me to what happened to her but I can complain nonetheless.
I didn't sign on the dotted-line the way parents do. They know what they're getting themselves into. But lack of sleep is one of the reasons I have avoided that kind of paperwork. So to find myself in a situation where I'm losing sleep because of my cat.... well let me just say that if this is how being a cat-owner is, I never want kids.

Bollucks

Wassup

Quote That Made Me Smile Today

"As they say in New Orleans
Bye you."

~from Life on Mars

Snake in the Sewer, Part II

Another example of my worst fear come to life.

The List

Happy, Happy Birthday!
Today's Your Special Day!
Happy, Happy Birthday!
That's Why I'm Here to Say!
oh Happy, Happy Birthday!
May All Your Dreams Come True!
Happy, Happy Birthday!
From Me-e-e To You!

Jill is the first one to call barring any major catastrophe. She likes to make sure I know that she loves me the most. And she likes to sing me the Birthday Song when I'm still warm and squishy from a restful night's sleep. With no catastrophe to speak of, my first phone call today was from her. She called five more times throughout the day. In her last message she told me the story of how mom and dad were visiting her on her birthday last year and she woke up to find that mom had placed Post-Its all over the house that read "Happy Birthday, Jilly". So in her own special way, as she put it, she was calling me throughout the day to make sure I felt as loved as she did on her birthday; and loved I did feel.

Since I moved around so much growing up, I am proud to say I've wrangled quite an extensive "friends" list. This list is great for traveling cross-country because I always have a place to stay. It is also great on my birthday because I am guaranteed at least six phone calls, a dozen emails and birthday cards trickling in for the two weeks surronding my birthday.

I like to draw my birthday out. Similar to Christmas, the fun is over when it's time to clean up the wrapping paper, so I make it last as long as possible. Last night Logic agreed to let me open the gifts he gave me and then this morning I unwrapped the new Wellies from his family. But there was still a box and half a dozen cards that I wanted to save until I got home from work. So when we returned home, I was excited to see another four cards in the mail for me! Before opening the cards Logic was dying for me to open the last box, so I obliged. It was from Lilikoi and Ranger and it was full of my favorite things: PB M&Ms, Lush bath products and some Hawaiian tea.

Next I decided to open my cards. Organizing them in the order I wanted to open them, I noticed that the card from my Godmother had a return address from California even though she lives in Washington. I knew she had a sister near San Francisco and assumed that she was visiting her. When it came time to open her card, which she sends every year, I was surprised to find a note fall out with a pictures of the Virgin Mary on it. This wasn't typical for her. She usually sent me cute cards with puppies or flowers on it but I still turned it over expecting to see the familiar hand-writing wishing me a Happy Birthday. When I turned the card over, I saw that it was a Mass Card*. What happened next took a few minutes for me to register.

My breath caught in my throat and I grappled to find the piece of paper that fell out of the envelope when I hastily pulled out the card. Finding the paper, I flipped it over. Logic looked on, expecting me to tell him how my Godmother was doing and to read him the kind words she most definitely had written. He was nearly as shocked as I was when the words "she's dead" fell out of my mouth. The next few minutes, I just sat on the couch reading and re-reading the card:

We are saddened to let you know that our sister, Margaret, died on September 21, 2008at Lourdes Medical Center in Pasco, Washington due to complications of cancer.

Please remember our family and the Sisters of St. Joseph of Carondelet, of which she was a member for 52 years.

With love,
(her family)

I put the note down, exasperated.
"They didn't even say how she died!".
Logic picked up the note and scoured every line.
"Cancer", he whispered.
I had read the card five times and missed that fucking C word every time. I must have seen it but couldn't absorb it; didn't want to believe it.
I was still expecting my birthday card.

She was the nurse in my delivery room. And since the day I was born when she cradled me before handing me to my dad, she has always sent me a card. She would usually include a cheesy gift that I would be embarrassed to show anyone. Being a nun, she was delightfully out of touch when it came to the latest toys and instead sent me a home-made apron or a magnet with my name on it or an oven mitt. Things I took for granted because I didn't expect the gifts to stop coming. But as I sit here, reeling from the news, I wish I had shown that rooster magnet off to all of my friends and that I'd worn that apron at least once. Now I don't even know where they are.

I know she wouldn't be hurt by my lack of interest in her gifts. She and I both knew that it wasn't about the gifts at all. It was about that day, now twenty nine years ago, when she helped my parents bring me into this world and how special we both knew we were to each other.

Every year, after opening her card and the little trinket that she spent her time searching for, buying, wrapping and shipping, I would sit down and write her a Thank You card that not only included a detailed list of everything she sent, but also an update on how I was doing. One time I even asked her when her birthday was so that I could send HER a card and make sure she felt as loved as I did on my birthday but she never responded with an answer. No, she didn't want anything from me; except for the rare card and the even rarer visit to see her.

I was the closest thing she would ever have to a child of her own. She joined the convent at an early age and devoted most of her life as a nurse to working in the Delivery Room, counselor teenage mothers and, later in life, devoting most of her time to AIDS patients and the elderly. She sacrificed her own possibility for children so that she could help other people's children into the world, help them when they found themselves scared and pregnant at sixteen, suffering from a weakened immune system as a result of the AIDS virus, and comforting them as they eased their way into death.

Today I did not get a birthday card from Sister Margaret Mary,
(Happy, Happy Birthday...)
but the absence of that card
(Today's Your Special Day...)
is much deeper than the lack of its delivery.
(Happy, Happy Birthday)
Instead,
(May All Your Dreams Come True)
as the day winds down,
(Happy, Happy Birthday)
the one she helped usher me into,
(From Me-e-e To You)
I find myself with one less friend on the list.

*card sent out to loved ones asking for their prayers.

NYT Headline

Maybe I need to change the name of my blog?

The Right Place at the Right Time

I was walking out of a restroom this morning when a woman walked in and I noticed that she was crying. I had just gone for a walk because I needed to clear my head. I was thinking about Thoreau and how he believed that man is, at its core, truly unhappy. He believed that sometimes those thoughts of displeasure are tucked away but they tend to resurface now and again; reminding man that he is unsatisfied with his life. (An interesting tidbit: In Buddhism, that philosophy is called Dukkha and is roughly translated to mean living with suffering.)
With Thoreau's thoughts on my mind and the walk behind me, I decided to go into the restroom for one final moment to myself before heading back to work. I allowed myself a few minutes to strategize about how I was going to manage the hectic weeks ahead of me and then I focused on the one part of me that was seeing those thoughts float by and I cleared everything else out of my mind. I sat there for a while - just being - and I felt somewhat restored. And at the moment when I felt that I had accomplished my task of shoving out the negative thoughts, I ran into that woman at the sinks. She was wiping a few tears from her face; attempting to hide her crying but it was obvious that she was shaken up. As a woman, it isn't rare to see another women visibly upset in a restroom so you learn to gauge people's needs; whether they need someone to talk to or whether they need to be alone. This woman looked scared and vulnerable so I decided to see if she was okay.
She was receptive to my concern and told me about her recent Epileptic attack. She said she is given enough warning to be able to brace herself but unfortunately, this time she was around a group of co-workers and was mortified when she began to seize. As soon as she regained control of her body, she rushed to the restroom to regain her composure. There's a possibility that she wished she'd been alone in that bathroom, but I hope that she was as relieved to run into me as I was to run into her. Maybe for her I needed to be there because she needed someone to sympathize with her epilepsy. And for me, maybe she was there because I needed genuine human interaction; I needed my day to mean something; something other than meaning to make money. I'm sorry that my sense of fulfillment came at her expense but the next time I'm having a rough day I hope to remember that maybe my discomfort is helping someone else to feel fulfilled by helping me.

Back in Session

So last night was the beginning of Autumn quarter and classes were good. I knew a few people in my first class but my friend from last year's English class will most likely be dropping the class since she doesn't care for the professor. My second class had a few people in it from the first class but no one I know.. yet. I'm sure it'll be fine. My only concern is walking between and after classes now that it's dark at 7:00. Last night there were a few people walking in the same direction as me so I felt safe but the pathways aren't well lit so I need to find a walking buddy.

Both professors/classes are intriguing. My first class "The Contemporary Novel" is a Literary Critiquing class with a focus on the psychology of the author. VERY interesting. Then the second class "Early American Literature" will have me reading a lot of prose and writing about my interpretations in a daily journal. Also interesting. That class is going to be kind of intense and he warned us in advance that the reading will be difficult - but I can handle it! The professor in that class is very eccentric and has the weirdest whirly, fuzzy combover I've ever seen. It's like an afro-over. That alone should keep my interest. He also has a unique sense of humor that I enjoyed last night.

Over all, I give the classes a strong A so far.

I'm Over It

Sometimes I get caught up in the ideals of what I wish my marriage was. Then I realize that what I have isn't so bad. It's no fairytale but it's good.
My life with Logic is fun and unpredictable. He is a great dancer and an even more adept comedian. He is a caring man who loves his family and does all that he can to help his friends. He is sometimes logical to a fault and he has a hard time completing projects. But his faults are my strengths and vice versa.
He is the Malbec to my Manchego.
Since my last post we talked and I re-learned that he wasn't trying to hurt my feelings. He still appreciates me and wants to celebrate the accomplishment of 10 years together. But he also wants to see his sister settle into her new place. This is a big move for her and we are both proud and excited.
There are so many things about marriage that people didn't explain to me. But even though I often find myself surprised by its unexpected facets, I am loving every minute of it.

10 Years

Next week will be the 10 year anniversary of Logic's and my first kiss. Since that time, it has been like pulling teeth to get him to celebrate anniversaries and Valentine's Days. I knew he wasn't a romantic guy when I married him but I guess I was still holding out that one day he would surprise me and I'd come home to find my bags packed and all the details arranged so we could slip away to Fiji for the week.
Okay, so that's a little extreme - especially coming from someone who thinks that Valentine's Day is too contrived and that he shouldn't be told when to buy me flowers or chocolates. But a girl can dream, right?
Last night I realized that's what it is... a dream. I guess this whole time I've been waiting for something to happen without realizing it's just a figment of my imagination. So I'm sure you can understand why I was upset when I learned that his sister's move-in date for her new apartment was pushed back yet another week and he wants to spend our 10 year anniversary helping her unpack. It was at that very moment that I realized my dream wouldn't be coming true.

Dear Valued Reader (Singular),

Work has me exhausted. I am growing to loathe it with every inch of my being. It has started creeping up into my shoulders, for which I am now getting regular massages. Seriously.
School starts on Wednesday and I can't wait to have something to look forward to again. I'll be reading Thoreau, Emerson, Melville and more contemporary authors such as McCarthy and Satrapi. I will learn to see things in a new light; to experience reading as more than just a casual past-time. I will have a chance to dig deep into my psyche and see what I can pull out. (I just cleaned out my garage over the weekend, so it's only fitting that I clean out what's in my head too.)
This blog is probably not going to be interesting enough for anyone to follow so you may as well remove me from your bloglines list. Sporadic at best, my future posts will probably be about how fictional characters are changing my life.
Sorry in advance,
Amaya

Kihl and His Baby Mama

A few months back I mentioned how my brother, Kihl, told me that he was going to be a dad and how I thought he was just fucking with me like he always does. Then a few factors came into play that lead me to believe that he may have been telling the truth. 1) My sister called and spoke with such a high pitch that I couldn't understand her but after calming her down, I discovered that Kihl told her that his girlfriend was pregnant and that I was the only other person who knew. 2)About a month after that I got a phone call from my parents, who also were so excited that it was hard to understand them. But I was still trepidatious because afterall, it was Kihl.
But today I sit with invitation in hand, waiting in anticipation for this afternoon when I am going to Kihl's house for a bbq and actually SEEING his girlfriend. This will be the defining moment.
I'll keep you posted...

I Should Have Known Better Than to Assume I would Learn Something From the News

Don't you just hate it when you hear a news piece that piques your interest only to find out it was a stupidly-obvious answer?
Example:
"Where to get your textbooks at a great price... Find out after the break"....
"Getting your textbooks just got easier, and cheaper! You can actually go online to such retailers as amazon.com or abebooks.com and get them at bargain prices!"
NO SHIT!
So I'm looking through MSNBC and I see "never wait in line at a museum again." I think cool, they're going to explain the times of days that people typically go and what days of the week are least busy. Nope. "Get a private tour. only $95!!!" A-holes!

(btw - that textbook example was a real news piece on King 5 about two weeks ago)

How Appropriate Considering My Background Design

A Must Read

I have a great fondness for Thematically Fickle for many reasons:
1) Her writing inspires me to try and formulate my thoughts in an equally jaw-dropping fashion.
2) She has the cojones to speak her mind, uncensored, at all times.
3) I feel smarter for having read her posts.
4) A lot of other stuff...

Today's is no exception. In fact, it is an example of the 4 reasons I gave. Please take the time to read her post "The party of the white…er…I mean “the right”".

(The fact that Obama is taking the high road and handling this criticism (among much, much more) in such a dignified way says a lot about his character, don't you think?)

If This Doesn't Make You Smile, I Don't Know What Will

These pictures can be found on CuteOverload.com. I just had to share. Doesn't it make you want a kitty?

Let Me See if I've Got This Right...

This is cause for concern regarding our need to uphold the 'sanctity' of marriage?



But this isn't?

Juneau

#14

Oh Stu, what can I say? It's the end of an era: you are retiring from hockey.
You taught me to love the game as the star of the Tri-City Americans and it continued to when you moved up to the big leagues with the Winnipeg Jets.
Sure, we had some rough times. Like that time when I asked for your hockey stick and you told me no. But I forgave you; and continued to collect your autographs on hockey pucks and jerseys for years to come. I have been a consistent fan of your career from the beginning. But now we've reached the end of a chapter. You'll be moving on to an Assistant Coaching position with the Dallas Stars, and for that I congratulate you. But what am I supposed to do without #14 on the ice?
Luckily for me, Olie the Goalie is still playing. But I sure will miss you.

Thank You for the Thank You

My friend Uppity has many talents; one of them being card-making. After attending her 40th birthday soiree, she hand delivered this thank you card to me. Unbeknownst to her, a thank you card is the fastest way to my heart.



I truly appreciate the time it took for her to not only write a very thoughtful note but also to make the card with which the note "was written and placed on the desk" (sorry, that's a little So I Married an Axe Murderer humor).
Thank you for the Thank You, Uppity.

The Cutest Man in the World, Part 7 Million

This morning as we were getting ready to leave for work, Logic saw a huge-ass spider in our doorway. We were in a hurry so he left it where it was but after driving up the hill and realizing he forgot his wallet, he drove back home to retrieve it. And as he was walking back to the car I spied him from the rear-view mirror bringing the spider down the driveway in a glass cup and letting it go near the bushes.
I love that man.

Oh LeRoi

Isn't it true that music can cause so many emotions? Not only in the midst of music, but in its absence?
Today I am very sad because of music. One of the founding members of the Dave Matthews Band passed away yesterday due to complications from a recent ATV accident. He was only 46.

Genius Thought for the Day

I've decided email forwards are a lot like religion - people are scared into participation

2 For 1

To consolidate since I'm short on time, I'd like to announce 2 Douchebag Award Winners at one time.



The first goes to a man who gave a douchey impression when I had the opportunity to meet him 2 years ago and has since done nothing but support my case ever since.

The second award goes out to the nameless man who decided to walk upwind from me and light a cigarette in a non-smoking area during my break. Thanks for that.

No Vacancy

In the past few weeks I've had a number of guests pass through my house. Typically I love company but lately I've been craving my space. The idea of sleeping in on a weekend seems like a thing of the past and I can't remember the last time I ran through the house in my undies to grab some orange juice from the fridge.
Don't get me wrong, I've loved everyone who has come by but I wish they'd been a little bit more spread out.
For the next month Logic and I have no obligations - and I want to keep it that way. So for now I'm putting up a No Vacancy sign in the hopes that we'll be left alone.

Poem With My Eyes Closed

So tired today.
When will life slow down?
Just in time for school to start?

Friends coming from every direction.
Oregon, Idaho, Michigan and Hawaii
Plus a few trips of my own.
Michigan, Oregon, Vancouver, B.C.

No rest in sight.
Another one comes this week.
And she brings with her a challenge.
Recovery from surgery.

Maybe this is why Winter is needed?
The pace slows down
And no one wants to visit Seattle.

Dropping in To Say Hello

Yesterday we spent 4 hours in the car due to an hour at the US border (in the sweltering heat, no less) coming back from Vancouver and today we will spend another 3 driving to Portland. Beer is the theme of the week and we have yet to be disappointed.
Candian beer, Washington beer, Oregon beer, New York beer.. and this is all before the Beer Fest this weekend. Here's hoping I remember enough to write about it next week.

From Molly

After reading Eat, Pray, Love two times, I saw that Elizabeth Gilbert was on Oprah and I watched diligently. I even took notes. The book came into my life at a time when I really needed it and I was absorbing anything and everything I could find in relation to it.
In the interview remember Elizabeth saying that she really just wrote it for herself as a sort of ladder to help herself out of the dark hole that she was in. I loved that imagery because I often saw myself slipping into the abyss during a panic attack and the image of climbing out on a ladder was really powerful.
Her interview was really interesting, inspiring and thought provoking but what stands out the most was when she said that she wrote in her journal every night and she always filled out two columns. In one column she finished this sentence: "What I really, really, really want is..." and in the other column she finished "My favorite thing about today was.."
Today is going to be a really great day! First of all, I got to sleep in because Logic had to go to Olympia for work and we weren't able to carpool. Second, I woke up to George resting his head on my face and purring. And third, one of my dearest friends Lilikoi and her dear, dear husband, Ranger are coming to visit tonight. I haven't seen them in a little over a year and I am jumping up and down with excitement.
But in spite of all of the amazing things that have and will happen today, when I crawl into bed tonight I am going to finish "My favorite thing about today was..." with "getting this picture from Molly."

Learning From My Cousin

Andy and Eric drove back into the city Friday afternoon. After a week of camping they chose to park at the south end of the city and walk through downtown to meet Logic and I at the north end for dinner. After dinner the four of us walked back to the south end for a Mariner's game (which totally kicked ass by the way).
The next morning Andy and Eric accompanied me to the gym where they took their very first yoga class. We got to the gym about 45 minutes before yoga and Eric decided he wanted to run on the treadmill but Andy agreed to sneak into my favorite Hip Hop class with me. We'd already missed 2 out of the 3 sections but someone was nice enough to catch us up in time to dance the whole thing through. Andy was holding his own, especially for someone who'd never taken the class before. I stopped a few times to encourage him and see how he was doing even though I knew - he couldn't wipe the smile off his face. After telling me how much fun he was having, Andy got serious for a second. "This is so far out of my comfort zone; and I am loving it!"
As soon as he said it, I knew how important it was for me to remember that. He and Eric flew across the country with sleeping bags and tents. They picked up a rental car at the airport and let the wind lead them around the state. They hiked 20 miles to a campsite, swam in hot springs, met some interesting people and journaled the whole trip through writing and pictures. They were in their element and living to seek new experiences. It was invigorating to watch.
Here I am, living in my condo in a safe part of Seattle and I have panic attacks over the weather, the course of my life, the death of my family and my short-comings while all along there have been people out there who just live. And love it.
Also, I learned that you can eat instant oatmeal out of the packet.
My cousin is very smart.

It Doesn't Get Any Better Than This

Last night as I was lying in bed, Logic was in the shower so George took the opportunity to come cuddle with me. I was lying on my side, head resting on one arm while the other one was petting him. And because of the angle I was in, I could feel the cool, quick breaths coming from George's pink nose. I rubbed under his chin, around his ears, on his nose; all his favorite places. And although he didn't purr (which is rare), the sensation of having his soft breath on my face was reward enough. I basked in the kitty-love for a minute or two until I heard the shower turn off. Knowing that 1) as soon as Logic entered the room George would scamper as if he'd never cared an ounce for me in the first place and 2) as soon as Logic entered the room I might forget what happened, so I needed to write it down.

Og Mandino

I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness for it shows me the stars.

I Need a Weekend to Recuperate From My Weekend - and So Will You After You Finish Reading This

After work on Friday, I met up with Logic and some of his co-workers at Taphouse for a birthday party. There must have been at least 20 people that showed up and we managed to find 2 large booths next to each other. It was chaotic, loud, and fun; just what any 23 year old wants out of a birthday. We stayed until 10:00 and I was still wide awake when we got home so I watched t.v. until midnight and before convincing myself that sleep was required.

When I woke up on Saturday it was too late for my Hip-Hop class but I still had time to make 11:30 Yoga. I hadn't been in over a month and it took some serious self-discipline to get off my ass and go there but I'm so glad I went. I have yet to find anything that compares to the way I feel after a good yoga class.

After class I had to run some errands so I didn't get home until 4:00. I had three hours to get ready for Lach and Bayou's housewarming party so the first thing I did was lie on the couch. At 6:00 I decided that I should probably shower before we left ( ;)). A half hour later Logic came into the bathroom to tell me I missed a phone call. So I checked my messages and it was my cousin Andy from Michigan.

He had contacted me earlier in the week to tell me that he and his friend, Eric were going to be in Washington. They were taking a ten-day camping trip through the Cascades and Olympics and figured they'd be in Seattle early next week. Well, after three days in the Cascades they decided they'd seen enough and were driving into the city. They wanted suggestions for a good bar and we ended up meeting them at Pike's Place Pub and Brewery later that night. But first we drove over to Lachlan and Bayou's and spent some quality time with twenty of their closest friends.

By the time Andy and Eric reached Seattle it was after 10. When they called and asked if we wanted to meet up with them downtown I thought we'd say hi and head home. Wrong! We ended up staying there until midnight and then bringing the party back to our place. Toward the end of the night I asked where they were staying and they both went silent. We offered to let them crash on our floor and they were adamant that they didn't want to impose. Their plan was to continue driving until they reached the coast and then to sleep in their rental car but Logic and I insisted they stay with us (boy did they trick us into thinking it was our idea ;)). We were all exhausted but we still managed to stay up until 2 am talking! Finally, the conversation started to slow down and I suggested we get some sleep.

After rubbing the sleep out of our eyes, we went to Alki Cafe for breakfast on Sunday morning. It was a beautiful day so we took the guys on a walk around Alki Point before heading back to the condo so they could take a quick nap before hitting the road. They left around 1, which gave Logic and I just enough time to shower before driving over to Daniel's. We met up with Daniel and Ishmael and then walked over to McCormick's for a quick drink before setting sail on an Argosy Lakes Cruise around Lakes Union and Washington. It was the perfect weather! The sun was high in the sky and the breeze off the water was just enough to cool us down. The cruise lasted about 2 hours (not a three hour tour) and turned out to be very educational and entertaining (insert booze cruise).

We docked around 5:00 and walked across the street to Buca di Beppo's for dinner. I ate myself into a food coma and was ready to head home but the boys wanted to play the wii so we drove over to Ishmael's. I crashed on his couch while the boys played. I was so tired that I didn't even care whether or not I snored in the midst of their game playing. I woke up at 8:30 and suggested that Logic and I go home. We walked through the door, exhausted, around 9 but I didn't get to bed until 10:30 because a friend called to finalize her plans to visit at the end of the month.

It looks like Justin and I may have a few days to recover but if this week is anything like last, we'll have spontaneous phone calls from out of town friends and relatives and not get much rest at all. I sure hope we get a break though. Andy and Eric will be coming back on Friday and staying the night before flying back to Michigan on Saturday evening. When they get back on Friday we'll be meeting up with them for dinner and a Mariner's game. And before their flight on Saturday night, we'll also be showing them around the city. They seemed interested in going to the Space Needle and seeing Doc's Underground Tour and I'm guessing there will be some more drinking involved. Yes, I will definitely need to recuperate before they come back.

Weezer

When I was younger
I used to go and tip cows for fun, yeah
Actually I didn't do that
'Cos I didn't want the cow to be sad
But some of my friends did
They were all just a little bit wicked

The Week In Hangovers

Monday:
3 glasses of wine while watching the finale of The Bachelorette with Liz.

Tuesday:
2 glasses of wine when Daniel and Ishmael came over for dinner.

Wednesday:
nap/rejuvinate

Thursday:
1 glass of wine, a margarita and 2 beers with Corynn and her family

Today:
Happy Hour with Logic's co-workers

Saturday:
Housewarming party with copious amounts of wine consumed (I can already guarantee that)

Sunday:
Lake cruise with Daniel and definite drinking involved.

My poor liver. Next week my cousin will be in town and I know he's a drinker and after that Lilikoi and Ranger are visiting for four days. The last time they were here we racked up a $200 bill at Fox Sports and Lilikoi and I spent the next 2 days recovering...

Coldplay

Those who are dead
are not dead
they're just living in my head

It's Either This or Jumping Out the Window

I have been working on a mind-numbing report for the majority of the day and feel as if I'm about to lose my last brain cell. So after zooming around the internet for a while, I decided to copy and paste this meme from Lach. (Thanks for giving me something to do.)


1. What is in the back seat of your car right now? An umbrella, a book from last semester and an empty Gatorade bottle

2. When was the last time you threw up? Last fall

3. What’s your favorite curse word? Motherfucker

4. Name 3 people who made you smile today? My dad, Jade and Dominique

5. What were you doing at 8 am this morning? Leaving the gym

6. What were you doing 30 minutes ago? Stalling, just as I am now

7. What will you be doing 3 hours from now? Having dinner with an old friend

8. Have you ever been to a strip club? Yes and I highly recommend it (gag).

9. What is the last thing you said aloud? "Oooh! I have a voicemail!"

10. What is the best ice cream flavor? Cookie Dough

11. What was the last thing you had to drink? Water

13. What was the last thing you ate? Doritos

14. Have you bought any new clothing items this week? Not yet. ;)

15. When was the last time you ran? This morning

16. What’s the last sporting event you watched? Wimbledon

18. Who is the last person you emailed? Gene and Todd simultaneously

19. Ever go camping? Just went last weekend. It sucked.

20. Do you have a tan? Barely

24. Do you drink your soda from a straw? Rarely

21. What did your last IM say? "Guess what I had for dinner last night?" (to a person who makes fun of me for eating cereal for dinner.)

22. Are you someone’s best friend? Yes

23. What are you doing tomorrow? Playing with my new phone

24. Where is your mom right now? In New Mexico

25. Look to your left, what do you see? A big window looking out to blue skies, my bamboo plant, a small fan, lotion, Gatorade and gifts/pictures on my windowsill.

26. What color is your watch? Pink and it comes in the shape of my cell phone

27. What do you think of when you think of Australia? Kangaroos and Keith Urban (even though he was born in New Zealand)

28. Would you consider plastic surgery? I hope not

29. What is your birthstone? Opal

30. Do you go in at a fast food place or just hit the drive thru? I often go in. Not sure why though.

31.How many kids do you want? Eh. 0? Okay, there's a 2% chance that I may eventually want 1 or 2.

32. Do you have a dog? No

33. Last person you talked to on the phone? Jill

34. Have you met anyone famous? A few people - I talked to Patrick Ewing on the phone once, met John Edwards and David Lynch and have seen Obama from a block away (does that count?)

35. Any plans today? Dinner with a friend

36. How many states have you lived in? Hmm. Let me count it out: 1) Idaho 2) Washington 3) Oregon 4) Montana 5) Florida

37. Ever go to college? Yes

38. Where are you right now? At work, looking longingly out the window that I was forced to look out of on question #25

39. Biggest annoyance in your life right now? Besides being at work? Wait.. that's the only one.

40. Last song listened to? Bleed It Out by Linkin Park

41. Are you allergic to anything? Myself, practically. All things pollen/grass/weed related.

42. Favorite pair of shoes you wear all the time? Black and tan ballet flats with a little black leather bow

43. Are you jealous of anyone? My friend Ishmael is getting a new iPhone tomorrow AND a new Z3. If he weren't so cute I'd hate him.

44. Is anyone jealous of you? Probably my friend Renee who moved back to Montana

45. What time is it? 4:00 on the dot

46. Do any of your friends have children? Yes

47. Do you eat healthy? I try to but splurge on sugary desserts.

48. What do you usually do during the day? Surf the internets looking for fraud.

49. Do you hate anyone right now? Nope

50. Do you use the word ‘hello’ daily? No. I'm a "hey" or "hi" kinda girl.

51. How old will you be turning on your next birthday? 29!!

52. Have you ever been to Six Flags? When I was too young to go on the fun rides.

53. How did you get one of your scars? Falling off a bike when I was in 3rd grade. I love that scar!

Evan Rachel Wood

"If I go to see a Beatles film, I want it to be weird and artistic and interesting and experimental and psychedelic and dark at times and also beautiful -- and that's what this is. - On Across the Universe."

(I saw this movie yesterday and I really liked it.)

DID YOU KNOW?

~courtesy of Lilikoi

Bananas
Peel a banana from the bottom and you won't have to pick the little 'stringy things' off of it. That's how the primates do it. Take your bananas apart when you get home from the store. If you leave them connected at the stem, they ripen faster.

Cheese
Store your opened chunks of cheese in aluminum foil.It will stay fresh much longer and not mold!

Garlic
Add garlic immediately to a recipe if you want a light taste of garlic and at the endof the recipe if your want a stronger taste of garlic.

Reheat Pizza
Heat up leftover pizza in a nonstick skillet on top of the stove, set heat to med-low and heat till warm. This keeps the crust crispy. No soggy micro pizza. I saw this on the cooking channel and it really works.

Easy Deviled Eggs
Put cooked egg yolks in a zip lock bag. Seal, mash till they are all broken up. Add remainder of ingredients, reseal, keep mashing it up mixing thoroughly, cut the tip of the baggy, squeeze mixture into egg. Just throw bag away when done easy clean up.

Expanding Frosting
When you buy a container of cake frosting from the store, whip it with your mixer for a few minutes. You can double it in size. You get to frost more cake/cupcakes with the same amount. You also eat less sugar and calories per serving.

Reheating Refrigerated Bread
To warm biscuits, pancakes, or muffins that were refrigerated, place them in a microwave with a cup of water. The increased moisture will keep the food moist and help it reheat faster.

Newspaper Weeds Away
Start putting in your plants, work the nutrients in your soil. Wet newspapers, put layers around the plants overlapping as you go cover with mulch and forget about weeds. Weeds will get through some gardening plastic they will not get through wet newspapers.

Broken Glass
Use a wet cotton ball or Q-tip to pick up the small shards of glass you can't see easily.

No More Mosquitoes
Place a dryer sheet in your pocket.It will keep the mosquitoes away.

Keep Squirrel Away!
To keep squirrels from eating your plants, sprinkle your plants with cayenne pepper. The cayenne pepper doesn't hurt the plant and the squirrels won't come near it.

Flexible Vacuum
To get something out of a heat register or under the fridge add an empty paper towel roll or empty gift wrap roll to your vacuum. It can be bent or flattened to get in narrow openings.

Reducing Static Cling
Pin a small safety pin to the seam of your slip and you will not have a clingy skirt or dress. Same thing works with slacks that cling when wearing pantyhose.Place pin in seam of slacks and... tada!... static is gone.

Measuring Cups
Before you pour sticky substances into a measuring cup, fill with hot water. Dump out the hot water, but don't dry cup. Next, add your ingredient, such as peanut butter, and watch how easily it comes right out.

Foggy Windshield
Buy a chalkboard eraser and keep it in the glove box of your car. When the window s fog, rub with the eraser! Works better than a cloth!

Reopening Envelope
If you seal an envelope and then realize you forgot to include something inside, just place your sealed envelope in the freezer for an hour or two. Viola! It unseals easily.

Conditioner
Use your hair conditioner to shave your legs. It's cheaper than shaving cream and leaves your legs really smooth. It's also a great way to use up the conditioner you bought but didn't like when you tried it in your hair.

Goodbye Fruit Flies
To get rid of pesky fruit flies, take a small glass, fill it 1/2' with Apple Cider Vinegar and 2 drops of dish washing liquid; mix well. You will find those flies drawn to the cup and gone forever!

Clothes Dryers
The heating unit went out on my dryer! The gentleman that fixes things around the house for us told us that he wanted to show us something and he went over to the
dryer and pulled out the lint filter. It was clean. (I always clean the lint from the filter after every load clothes.) He told us that he wanted to show us something; he
took the filter over to the sink and ran hot water over it. The lint filter is made of a mesh material... I'm sure you know what your dryer's lint filter looks like. Well ...the hot water just sat on top of the mesh! It didn't go through it at all! He told us that dryer sheets cause a film over that mesh that's what burns out the heating unit. You can't SEE the film, but it's there. It's what is in the dryer sheets to make your clothes soft and static free... that nice fragrance too. You know how they can feel waxy when you take them out of the box ...well this stuff builds up on your clothes and on your lint screen. This is also what causes dryer units to potentially burn your house down with it! He said the best way to keep your dryer working for a very long time (and to keep your electric bill lower) is to take that filter out and wash it with hot soapy water and an old toothbrush (or other brush) at least every six months. He said that makes the life of the dryer at least twice as long!

~Sadly, a friend tried the dryer sheet technique for staying off mosquitos and it did not work. Use this advice at your own risk.

Another Beautiful Day

Most Seattlites like to brag about suffering through nine months of clouds and rain for three months of blissful summer and I have to admit that these three months are definitely worth bragging about. Today might actually reach 90 degrees but if it does, it will be a record. Normally, the end of June is greeted with 70 and 80 degree weather and a nice cool breeze off the Puget Sound. In fact, such a breeze is blowing against my face right now.
I looked at my gym class schedule this morning and was disappointed to see that my yoga instructor isn't teaching this morning but on the up-side, Logic suggested we walk down to the water and get some coffee. We'll be leaving here in a minute and I can't guarantee that we'll be back anytime soon. We often get caught up in the beauty of the boats, kayaks, ferries and jet-skis zooming across the serene, cobalt water and the entertainment that ensues when most of Seattle tries to cram their beach blankets, barbeques and coolers onto the small Alki Beach.
Our enjoyment of the chaos is multiplied by the fact that we live just far enough off the beach that when we are home, the most noise we hear is a woodpecker slowly knocking over the unstable house next to us. We can strain our ears and still not hear horns honking, mother's yelling at their kids and music blaring from portable iPod speakers. And yet, we're still close enough that we can put on our flip-flops and casually make our way to the noise without breaking a sweat, or having to deal with the stressful ordeal of finding a parking spot.
I recently came to the conclusion that there is no where else I'd rather live, and that's a big deal as anyone who knows me would agree. The grey winters can be brutal. But I like to think of those nine months as Mother Nature's way of ensuring we get to enjoy the most beautiful three months of vibrant summer on Earth.

Feet

I recently discovered that my niece is an artist. Her mom had been bragging for years that she was really good, but I chalked that up as maternal pride. Then I saw some of her sketches.
Ever since I laid eyes on her first sketch a few months back, I've been begging her to send me more. This morning I got my wish and I just had to share.
I'm swelling with pride right now. Oh yeah, did I mention she's 17?

A Day With Sun

Summer starts today, and what a long time coming. Our Spring was hardly a week long so I'm hoping Summer will compensate for the lack of good weather we've been having. When the sun is out, I am a different person. The glass if half-full on these days.
I don't mind working, I don't mind sitting around doing nothing, and I don't mind the crowds of cave-dwellers that emerge and devour the sidewalks of the city. Instead I take deeper, more relaxing breaths and I find enjoyment in every thing. Feeling the warm sun on my inviting skin is an experience I cherish. I stop whatever I am doing and relish in the feeling. My eyes closed, my breathing deep and a smile engulfing my face.
Ahhh, summer.

Complaints

*Can the city really give two simultaneous parking tickets?
*Am I really going to eat a dozen White Chocolate Chip Macadamia Nut Cookies in one sitting?
*Am I going to be able to attend school in the fall or did I royally fuck up my financial aid?
*Why can't I get my lazy ass to the gym?
*Who knew buying a new t.v. would cause the husband to stress out so much about components, location, wiring. Ay ya ya.
*What if DeAnna picks the wrong guy and it doesn't work out?
*Is Molly going to ditch me AGAIN and ruin my chances of seeing the Sex and the City movie in the theater?
*When is Logic going to do the dishes?

These are all the important issues going on in my life right now.


~ update on financial aid: the issue has been resolved. Phew!

We Finally Did It! AKA 42 Inches of Perfection

Isn't she pretty?

Father's Day

Obsessed with Faith

Looking back on my recent posts, it seems to be all I talk about. I guess I'm trying to figure some things out, and writing seems to be the most constructive way for me to do it. Thanks for hanging in there with me.

Tickles