Forgiveness

"On my ninth day of silence, I went into meditation one evening on the beach as the sun was going down and I didn't stand up again until after midnight. I remember thinking: 'This is it, Liz.' I said to my mind, ' this is your chance. Show me everything that is causing you sorrow. Let me see all of it. Don't hold anything back.' One by one, the thoughts and memories of sadness raised their hands, stood up to identify themselves. I looked at each thought, at each unit of sorrow, and I acknowledged its existence and felt (without trying to protect myself from it) its horrible pain. And then I would tell that sorrow, ' It's OK. I love you. I accept you. Come into my heart now. It's over.' I would actually feel the sorrow (as if it were a living thing) enter my heart (as if it were an actual room). Then I would say, 'Next?' and the next bit of grief would surface. I would regard it, experience it, bless it, and invite it into my heart, too. I did this with every sorrowful thought I'd ever had-reaching back into years of memory-until nothing was left.
Then I said to my mind, 'Show me your anger now.' One by one, my life's every incident of anger rose and made itself known. Every injustice, every betrayal, every loss, every rage. I saw them all, one by one, and I acknowledged their existence. I felt each piece of anger completely, as if it were happening for the first time, and then I would say, 'Come into my heart now. You can rest there. It's safe now. It's over. I love you.' This went on for hours, and I swung between these mighty poles of opposite feelings-experiencing the anger thoroughly for one bone-rattling moment, and then experiencing a total coolness, as the anger entered my heart as if through a door, laid itself down, curled up against its brothers and gave up fighting.
Then came the most difficult part. 'Show me your shame,' I asked my mind. Dear God, the horrors that I saw then. A pitiful parade of all my failings, my lies, my selfishness, jealousy, arrogance. I didn't blink from any of it, though. 'Show me your worst,' I said. When I tried to invite these units of shame into my heart, they each hesitated at the door, saying, 'No-you don't want me in there...don't you know what I did?' And I would say, 'I do want you. Even you. I do. Even you are welcome here. It's OK. You are forgiven. You are part of me. You can rest now. It's over.'
When all this was finished, I was empty. Nothing was fighting in my mind anymore. I looked into my heart, at my own goodness, and I saw its capacity. I saw that my heart was not even nearly full, not even after having taken in and tended to all those calamitous urchins of sorrow and anger and shame; my heart could easily have received and forgiven even more. Its love was infinite.
I knew then that this is how God loves us all and receives us all, and that there is no such thing in this universe as hell, except maybe in our own terrified minds. Because if even one broken and limited human being could experience even one such episode of absolute forgiveness and acceptance of her own self, then image-just imagine!-what God, in all His eternal compassion, can forgive and accept.
I also knew somehow that this respite of peace would be temporary. I knew that I was not yet finished for good, that my anger, my sadness and my shame would all creep back eventually, escaping my heart, and occupying my head once more. I knew that I would keep dealing with these thoughts again and again until I slowly and determinedly changed my whole life. And that this would be difficult and exhausting to do. But my heart said to my mind in the dark silence of that beach: 'I love you, and I will never leave you, I will always take care of you.' That promise floated up out of my heart and I caught it in my mouth and held it there, tasting it as I left the beach and walked back to the little shack where I was staying. I found an empty notebook, opened it up to the first page-and only then did I open my mouth and speak those words into the air, letting them free. I let those words break my silence and then I allowed my pencil to document their colossal statement on the paper:
'I love you, I will never leave you, I will always take care of you.'
Those were the first words I ever wrote in that private notebook of mine, which I would carry with me from that moment forth, turning back to it many times over the next few years, always asking for help-and always finding it, even when I was most deadly sad or afraid. And that notebook, steeped through with that promise of love, was quite simply the only reason I survived the next two years of my life.

~From the book Eat, Pray, Love

The Volvo

My brother just bought an Audi. It's blue with silver trim and suede seats. With a V8 engine in the mix, it's the total package. So when he mentioned that he needed to get rid of his Volvo, I jumped at the opportunity.

My Sentra has been good to me. For nine years it has gotten me to work, dinner with loved ones and even trips across the country. But this last year has seen a decline in its reliability.

Logic and I have toyed with the idea of getting a new, more reliable car. He wanted to stay true to his second love, Honda, while I was hoping to stick to my heritage with a Volkswagen. But when the Volvo hung in the balance, we both knew it was the right decision. So this morning we met with my brother to write a check and sign over the title.

It's official, I have a new car.

Michael

"I'm not superstitious, but I am a little stitious."
~The Office

*Swoon*

Top Ten Reasons I Enjoyed Jury Duty

10) It was more interesting than I expected.

9) I was fortunate enough to share this experience with 11 other fun and interesting people.

8) It was the bailiff's first case so we tried to convince him that it was his job to get us doughnuts and make us coffee.

7) It was the prosecuting attorney's first case, and she was nervous. Some funny things slipped out of her mouth during cross examination.

6) We passed around a baggy of weed in deliberation.

5) The food selection was much better than what I'm used to at my end of town.

4) One old lady fell asleep during closing arguments. Needless to say, she was "randomly" selected to be the alternate and was instructed to leave before deliberation.

3) The defendant dug himself one hell of an amusing hole on the stand.

2) I had enormous amounts of time to read my book: Eat, Pray, Love

And the number1 reason I enjoyed jury duty: I missed work for four days and still got paid!

One Day Down, Possibly One to Go

Logic dropped me off at the courthouse with 10 minutes to spare. I ran across the street and picked up something to eat and then stood in line to walk through security.
Once in the building, I walked down a long marble-tile hallway and entered the jury room with a dozen other people. We were greeted with a winding line that wove through the room. Over 400 people congregated in one small area to do their civic duty.
Shortly after checking in, my name was called and I was escorted to a courtroom where I spent the next three hours answering questions. And just as I was feeling invested in the case, I was excused. I took the walk of shame back to the jury room where I had to check back in.
Surprised and relieved, I was able to leave for the day with instructions to be back at 8:45 the next morning. I couldn't remember the last time I'd been given the freedom to run amok in the city so I took full advantage. I walked to the gym and had a great workout. While on the elliptical, I debated between going downtown to spend money I didn't have or taking the car and going home. I decided on the latter and spent my afternoon putting around the house.
By the time Logic got home I had dinner on the table and the house was clean. He was impressed and none the wiser that I'd also had time to relax. ;)
Today I woke up and decided to take the bus to the courthouse. This gave me time to have breakfast, write a post and get ready at leisure.
I'm not expecting it to be as interesting or lackadaisical as yesterday but I hope I'm wrong.

Here We Go Again - Fark

First of all, do you have any suggestions for what I should post these Fark blogs under? I'm getting tired of my titles.
Second, here's today's interesting article presented through Fark about why we should work 4 days a week instead of 5.

The Meme I Stole from Lach

Whom she got courtesy of Trop, Maria, and a few others.

Hi, my name is Jennifer. (sshhh!)

But you can call me Amaya.

Never in my life have I gone cow-tipping.

When I am nervous my palms sweat.

The last song I listened to was "Kiss Kiss" by Chris Brown.

If I were to get married right now, it would be illegal since I already am.

My hair is finally back to its natural color. That's about 10 years in the making.

When I was four, I called the police when I realized I was home alone with my brother. He was really tall and scared me.

Last Christmas I fell down a flight of cement stairs and tore my pants. I'm actually wearing those pants today for the first time since then.

I should be full by now but I keep eating.

When I look down I see that hole in my pants.

The happiest recent event was reaching the door to the hotel and hearing my sisters talking without them knowing I was there yet.

If I were a character in Friends, I’d be Chandler. Yes, he was a boy but he and I deal with stress in the same way = humor.

By this time next year, I'll be one year closer to leaving Seattle.

My current distress is my lack of interest in work.

I have a hard time understanding French, because I don't speak it.

There are these girls who live in Kalispell that I miss very much.

If I won an award, the first person I would tell is Logic.

I want to buy my brother's volvo.

I plan on visiting Hawaii again before Lilikoi and Ranger move.

If I could spend the night at any house, it would be my parent's.

The world could do without diamond encrusted cell phones.

The most recent thing I bought myself will shortly be returned because it didn't fit.

The most recent thing that someone else bought for me was a muffin from Jill at the airport.

My middle name is Ann.

In the morning, Logic likes to sing me little songs. But I'm usually too grouchy to appreciate them.

Last night I was very domestic. I did laundry, dishes, cooked and cleaned.

There is this guy I know who set the bar really high. I feel so fortunate to have found someone who lives up to the standard he set.

If I was an animal, I would be a monkey so I could fly from tree to tree. Plus everyone loves a monkey. Whooohooo haaaahaaaa.

A better name for me would be jennifurryface (Logic calls me that sometimes).

Tomorrow will be one day closer to my parent's visit next month.

Tonight I am cooking Baked Shrimp with Feta Cheese.

In My Head

When I was flying in from Spokane on Sunday I knew we were getting closer to Seattle because clouds started to form below the plane. And then, as quickly as they appeared, we dove head first into them. Since then I’ve tried to visualize that moment whenever the clouds are bugging me because it reminds me that the sun and blue sky are just above all this. The clouds seem less daunting this way and it’s a reminder that just because Seattle is gloomy doesn’t mean the world is. It seems to be helping so far – we’ll see how effective it is in December though.

Fark - Trip to School

Remember when your parents told you they had to walk to school barefoot, in the snow, up hill...both ways? It still wasn't this bad.

Keith Urban

After the horrible day I had on Thursday I finally got to the Spokane Arena around six o'clock, picked up the concert tickets and headed inside to see Keith Urban.
Laurie and I arrived really early and were disappointed with the size of the crowd. For a minute we even questioned if we'd come on the wrong day. But after an hour of eating pizza and drinking beer we came back to our seats to find the arena nearly full.
The opening act was The Wreckers. They were so-so. Everything felt over-choreographed and their sound tech should be fired - It was impossible to understand their lyrics.
Then the lights came up and they set the stage for Keith. Laurie and I had a hard time watching the lighting crew dangle above the stage and crawl to their designated seats under three large beams. The belt that attached them to the apparatus was only slightly comforting. But our excitement grew the closer those men got to their seats because we knew that once they were situated the show would begin. As soon as the last man was buckled into his dangling deathtrap, er seat, the lights went down, the crowd rushed the stage and the band snuck on.
The next three hours flew by. All I remember is: Keith played every song I wanted him to, his voice sounded crisper in person, his smile was very sexy, he had amazing energy, a fan rushed the stage during the acoustic set, he dedicated a song to his wife, he tamed the hell out of his guitar and I didn't want the show to end.
Even in the nose-bleeds, it was the best concert I've ever seen. Laurie and I will definitely be at his next concert and we're getting front row seats.

Correspondence From My Dad

Me: Hola Papa! Como estas? Donde esta la bibliotecha? Qual es la fetch hoy? Un cervesa por favor. Donde esta las banas?

Dad: As I am going through your spanish, here is what I have come up with.You are telling me that you found BACTERIA when you went to FETCH HAY and something to do with the FLAVOR of the BANANAS. How did I do?

A Series of Unfortunate Events

Thursday morning I flew to Spokane, as I previously mentioned. When I arrived at 12:35 I immediately called the Holiday Inn Express and told them I was ready for the shuttle to come pick me up. Luggage in hand, I sat outside baggage claim for forty five minutes. During that time I tried to convince myself that the hotel was farther away from the airport than I calculated or that traffic must be really bad because it was lunchtime. But after forty five minutes I figured I was safe to check on the shuttle without coming across as a huge bitch.
"Holiday Inn Express. This is Sarah, how may I help you?"
"Yes, I called for a shuttle forty five minutes ago and I was wondering if there has been a delay of some sort?"
"Um. Uh, do you remember who you spoke with?"
"Her name was Jenna."
"Great, thanks. May I put you on hold?" "It seems Jenna didn't tell anyone you were waiting."
"Okay, so what about Paul? I called him this morning to tell him my arrival time and confirm a reservation for the shuttle?"
"Oh, well. Uh, I'll leave to come get you right now."
So I wait. Another thirty minutes go by before I see the Holiday Inn Express shuttle. But as the shuttle approaches and I try to wave it down, it drives right past me. Finally, it slows down at the end of the loading zone and as I run to catch it I notice that the woman is on the phone - calling the hotel for my number. I have to knock on the passenger window for her to even notice that I'm there and even then she doesn't move. She signals for me to jump in the back.
"Oh good. I thought maybe you'd found another ride and I missed you."
"Nope. I was standing right where I told you I'd be."
"Yeah, well it's really busy back there. I didn't see you." (looking back to find 3 other people on the sidewalk)
So I hop in the back, carrying my own luggage, and spend the next ten minutes trying to avoid every question she throws at me in an attempt to calm me down. By the time we got to the hotel I was more upset than I'd been all morning because she continued to make excuse after excuse and never once apologized.
As she pulls up to the front door, I get out, get my own luggage and walk into the hotel. Paul is there with a key and a lack of apology. I finally reach the hotel room and greet my sisters only to walk into a boardroom. Beyond the entrance was a minibar and a large administrative desk. The "suite" also included two queen beds and a bathroom but there was no sight of a kitchenette or a couch, as requested during the reservation.
Frustrated and hungry, we walked across the street to have lunch and decided we should do something about our room. Jill called the front desk and asked to speak with a manager. But of course there wasn't a manager on duty. So she left a message explaining our situation. When she hung up we all joked about how it's too late to get the room we requested anyway because the hotel is full.
Jill spent the next thirty minutes on the phone with Expedia - talking to the dumbest person on their payroll and finally reserved a room at the Red Lion just down the street. Then we went back to the HIE, packed up and checked out. At that point they offered us fifty percent off our stay but we'd had enough.
We drove down the street to check in at the Red Lion only to find we'd been given a room overlooking the parking lot instead of a river front room. Luckily for the Red Lion, they did have a manager on duty and he was more than happy to help Jill resolve the issue and walk Jill around to show her some alternate rooms.
In the meantime, Laurie and I drove to the arena to pick up our Keith Urban tickets at will-call but the window didn't open until 5:00. It was 4:05. Instead of heading back to the hotel, we tracked down a liquor store and bought a bottle of vodka and a savignon blanc. We pulled up to the hotel just as Jill picked up the keys to our new room and as soon as the bell-hop left, we went straight for the bottles.
Vodka was poured for Laurie and Jill and I tried to open the wine. But in the spirit of the day - it wouldn't open. We tried everything. At one point Jill was holding the bottle opener in the cork at one end and I was pulling on the bottle at the other. We tried shoving a straw through, hoping to make a hole and even broke my tweezers in an attempt to dig the cork out. Nothing worked. We would later return the bottle for another one that went unopened.
Luckily for us, the day looked up from there (although, that could be the vodka talking). We finally had a roof over our heads and we were together.

Almost Sister's Weekend

Today I leave for Spokane. My flight is at 11:30 and I should be on the ground an hour later. There I will meet up with two of my three sisters. Paige ultimately decided to spend her birthday weekend with her husband and kids so she won't be joining us. (Can't say I blame her. I'd pick time with her babies over the sister's any day. ;) )
Once we get settled, Laurie and I will head to the Keith Urban concert while Jill meets up with some old high school friends that live in the area. (Laur recently told me "what happens at the concert, stays at the concert." I'm curious to see what that's about.)
Tomorrow we'll all be lounging by the pool, going to the park and having a nice dinner out. Then on Saturday, if all goes as planned, I'm going to surprise the sisters by meeting up with our brother, Tom for dinner. They don't know he's going to be in Spokane for a birthday party so I figured it would be the perfect opportunity to surprise them. Laurie hasn't seen him in over three years so it should be pretty exciting.
Sunday, we all fly home. And start planning the next sister's weekend. Only this time, we'll plan it around Paige.

A Thud in the Night

I sleep with a mask on. It keeps my eyes from wandering so I can get a better night's sleep. Without it, I would wake up and stare at the ceiling - coming up with new reasons to obsess over something. But since it requires my eyes to stay closed, I can make a conscious effort to listen to my breathing and fall back asleep rather quickly.
With my mask on, I usually find George to my left around 4:00 every morning. He sure loves to cuddle with his mama. But as a fluffy fur-ball approached this morning, I discovered it to be Grace. I had to lift my eye mask to be sure. I'm still surprised that she wanted to cuddle, she usually likes her space at night. But since she was willing to love me, I took full advantage. I turned on my side, allowing her to brush up against me and lie down close enough for some scratching.
She began to purr. And then, THUD. Somehow she managed to slip off the bed. And not Gracefully (ha!) either. It was a loud thud proceeded by four paws scampering away in embarrassment.
I wonder how long it will be before she tries to cuddle with me again?

A Thank You

A few weeks back, Lach and Bayou flew to the Midwest for some family time and had our mutual friend watch their dog. He had a few conflicts during the week they were gone and asked me to stop by and entertain Sumi for an hour or two.
I didn't mind because Lach and Bayou are good friends and they are great about helping out when we go on vacation. Plus Sumi and her feline counterpart, Gypsy, are pretty adorable. So I stopped by twice; played a little catch, rubbed some tummies and made sure they had enough food.
No skin off my back. But this morning Lach surprised me with 2 Terrace Club tickets to tonight's Mariner's game. I was speechless.

Funny Fark Headline

"Senator Larry Craig (R - I dunno), who was NEVER GAY, but was resigning, still WASN'T GAY, and was not resigning, is resigning again. But he is still DEFINITELY NOT GAY. Penis"

Happy Birthday Kinlie

My niece turned 17 today. It's like she's a real-live-person with memories and thoughts. And it freaks me out. When did she stop being "my niece" and start being a real person?
She is a manager of the Varsity volleyball team at her high school and will be spending today plus 2 more days in Great Falls with the team. Having learned that over the weekend, I called last night to wish her a happy birthday. Surprisingly, she was home so I actually got to talk to her. In fact, we talked for over 30 minutes. I think that's more than I talked to her when I used to stay over for the summer years back. It felt like an adult conversation. I gave advice, she gave her opinions, we made fun of each other. It was really great. And it made me miss her even more.

Ohanapecosh

The funny thing about camping is that only people with money would find enjoyment in a weekend where it's required that you sleep on the ground, scrounge for food and don't bathe. In other parts of the world I believe that's called poverty.
That perspective aside, camping can also be a great way to retreat to nature when life in the city is too much to bear. Simplicity at it's finest. It is for that reason that Logic and I trekked into the wilderness with 2 dear friends and spent the weekend roasting hot dogs, hiking through old-growth forests and playing poker. When we returned home yesterday we felt rejuvenated. And exhausted. But mostly rejuvenated.

Off We Go, Into the Wild Blue Yonder

Wait, that song is about flying, right?
Oh well. This afternoon Logic and I will be driving to Mt Rainier with friends for an extended weekend in the forest. Despite the lack of showers I am greatly looking forward to it. And I'm am relieved (I'm so punny) that there will be a flush-toilet in the vicinity.
Three days of camping, hiking, drinking, and laughing under the stars.
Happy Labor Day!

Jealousy

My sister is boarding a plane to Maui right now. Don't you just hate her?

Reason # 987 To Never Get Married

New study shows that husbands do less house-work than live-in boyfriends.

Signature Line

"It takes 24 trees to produce 1 ton of office paper! Think. Is it really necessary to print this email?"

~this was at the bottom of a work related email. I found it interesting.

A Little Less Ice, A Little More Cream

Well, my reign as Dessert Maker Supreme ended last night.
I've been on a dessert kick lately. First it was Eclair Cake (yum), then Peanut Butter Cream Pie (magnifico) and on Monday I attempted to make homemade Peach Ice Cream. I brought the ice cream over to my friend's for dinner and as the moment-of-truth arrived I was disappointed in the texture. It was more like frozen juice than actual ice cream. Granted, I don't own an ice cream maker so all the stirring was done with a mixer but I still anticipated greatness. After all, my two prior attempts at dessert were pretty remarkable, if I must say so myself.
Plan of Action: make another dessert as soon as possible to boost my culinary self-esteem.

Your Daily "Awww" Moment

Brought to you by fark and the Daily Mail.

Wii-itis

Our trip to Portland included time spent with friends from Hawaii, a trip to the park, playing soccer with Allison (as previously stated), and quite a few games on Paige's wii.
We started off slow with a game of baseball. But once we had a taste, our addiction was insatiable. Boxing, tennis, bowling, karaoke. The list goes on.
Finally, after playing Big Brain Academy for over an hour we mustered up as much courage as possible, and bolted for the door.
The next morning Logic and I were getting ready for work when we noticed a very specific tightness in our upper bodies that could only come from virtual video gaming. Every muscle in our torsos and arms were numb with pain. And yet we still spent all day talking about buying a wii.

Will Bowen

"When [people] can eradicate complaining from their lives, they truly become happier. … It's like if you're not articulating the complaint, if your complaint has nowhere to go, your mind stops creating the complaint."

A Bad Aunt Moment

I felt so bad. I was throwing a small soccer ball to Allison and I hit her in the face. Not once, not twice, but 3!!!!! Times! I’m a horrible aunt. She kept looking at me like: “I don’t get it? Don’t you love me?” I played it off by telling her that was an excuse to give her lots of kisses. I don’t think she bought it. Mother Hen looked like she wanted to beat me up. So I proceeded to hit myself in the head a few times to lighten the mood. Always the Court Jester.

Weekend Plans

Tomorrow morning I'll be driving to Portland to spend time with my sister, Paige and her family. I'll also be meeting up with my dear friends Lilikoi and Ranger to celebrate Lili's birthday. It's bound to be one exhausting, exciting weekend.
Hope yours is as entertaining.

Out of Africa - A Review

"This is one of those rare movies that has something for everybody and is nearly perfect in many respects. Many of the negative comments about the film here are one dimensional and fail to see the multiple levels on which the movie operates.

First, there's the political level: Colonial Africa before, during, and after World War II populated by all of Europe (and America), and Karen Blixen caught in the middle between Germany and England. Interestingly, the settlers are willing to die for their countries even though they have little idea why they are going to war, and communication between Kenya and Europe lags by months, not weeks.

There's the sociological level: White Europeans attempting to civilize and Westernize an essentially foreign land and people. I think the movie does a great job of intimating how the Kikuyus, the Somali, and Masai saw European settlers in their land - comical, enigmatic, and out of their element. Instead of fading into the background, the movie would fail without the simple wisdom of Farah who knows more than any of the white settlers in his land. ("This water must go to Mombasa". "God is great, Saboo"). Interestingly, Sikh Indians are brought to the English Gentlemen's club to act as servants and when Karen dares to enter the men's only den, it's the Sikh who is responsible for escorting her out; none of the English "gentlemen" have the balls or nerve to do it. An interesting observation on the English White man's view of the world before World War I.

Historically, the film portrays real people with some fidelity since all of the characters, even Farah and Kumante, were based on actual people; Kumante was even alive and consulted during the filming in 1982/3. The character of Felicity is based on Beryl Markham, a truly magnificent woman who wrote "West with the Night" which might even portray colonial Africa better than Isak Dineson did.

As a travel log, the movie works as well as any National Geographic since we see, (vicariously through Karen) as she watches a platoon of Masai warriers running through salt flats in full battle dress, as she learns about lions in wild, and how a herd of Elephants looks and sounds from a biplane.

Narratively, "Out of Africa" is not just a "chic flic" as someone posted, unless the poster thinks that all romances are essentially chic flics. I generally can't stand romances, but this operates not just as a romance between people (Karen and Blix, Karen and Dennis) but between people and place. The passion they felt for each other was matched or exceeded by their passion for Africa. When the movie was over, I too had fallen in love with Africa.

The movie can be watched simply for its Cinematography, editing, sound, and set design alone. What other movie integrates poetry by Coleridge and Houseman, Mozart's Clarinet Concerto, and the writing of Isak Dineson so easily that you barely notice it? Many scenes translate into still works of art: A bottle of wine and peaches on the hunting table, a Victrola playing Mozart in the African bush, a rainbow over raging falls, lions surveying the land from the Ngong hills.

Such a great and beautiful movie. One that I will watch over and over again until an opportunity to see Victoria falls comes my way."


~Hits all the right notes, at multiple levels., 30 June 2003
Author: Greg Winter from Garden City, NY
IMDb.com


I couldn't have said it better myself. (Except to correct the spelling of Denys.) I fell in love with this movie. The writing was exquisite, the music cerebral and the cinematography astounding. I could go on and on but then what would be the purpose of quoting Greg Winter? So I'll stop here, but only if you promise to watch it.

Damon

He was a sweet kid who dated a girl during her troublesome teens. He became the one to blame when she chose to rebel. They got engaged, Her family refused, he joined the Coast Guard.
On a trip through The City, he stopped to visit Her younger sister, who also happened to be Logic's roommate at the time and my friend. He wasn't the kind of person I thought I'd run into again but I was happy to see him.
Along with his newly-macho swagger, he greeted us with vodka, ice, lemons, limes, an empty milk carton and a joint.
He taught us the ritual of Yucca Juice and got Logic high for the first time. He shared stories of growing up and reminded us of fun times past.
Within a matter of hours he was a memory again.
I later heard through friends that he moved to Colorado and was married. Until his wife found out about his brain tumor.
He moved home and lived with his parents. His life in shambles. The only solace in his newly used life was the companionship of lifelong friends.
He was never one of those people I thought I'd ever see again. And I was right.
Rest in peace, Damon.

The Rural Juror

That title is for anyone who watches 30 Rock as much as I do. (It really has nothing to do with this post. It's Jenna's movie title that no one can figure out.)
But seriously, this post is about jury duty. And how I have it.
I love my right to vote. Love it! But I was under the impression that if I didn't register, I wouldn't be called on to have jury duty. So I postponed having that right out of fear. Luckily, I snapped out of it and have been a proud voter for 4 years now. I vote on everything from presidential races to local road planning. And it makes me feel empowered (even if the presidential election is decided before they can count Washington's contribution).
I know I should feel a sense of responsibility and pride at the thought of being a juror but the thought of deciding someone's fate is awfully daunting. So when I received a notice in the mail last week indicating I'd been selected for jury duty I was surprised at my reaction. I wasn't scared, I was curious. What is this process going to be like? (From what I hear: really boring.) Will I be selected for anything? Will I feel like the girl who didn't make the cheerleading team if I'm turned away? What kind of case might I be put on? All of these thoughts have been swirling around in my head, waiting for answers. And I will have those answers. On September 12th.

The Man I'm Married To = The Rock

No, not that one.
Interests: gadgets
When he's stressed: he analyzes the situation and makes lists
He lights up if you say: "I could really use your advice on something"
His favorite dates: He feels most energized when he's engaging his mind so try watching a documentary, seeing an interesting exhibit, or taking a class such as sushi making.
His relationship requirements: he gets totally absorbed in his interests. If you don't ask about them he'll feel like you don't get him. He's tuned into etiquette.

~msnbc.com

Rupert

It is spider season in Alki although typically they don't get very far. The cats either get to them or we escort them back outside. But there's one spider who has decided to take up residency in the rear-view mirror of Logic's car. I've named him Rupert.
He's a hard one to get rid of, that Rupert. He builds very strong webs and is fast on his feet.
Because of his stronghold on my side of the car, I refuse to roll down my window and have a hard time even opening my door. I'm not much of an arachnophobe but the thought of a spider flying from its web into my face doesn't sound enjoyable to me.
So when I saw Rupert lounging on the side door this morning I saw my opportunity. I swiftly darted across the lawn and grabbed a long piece of grass. Then I lunged toward the door and wrapped Rupert up in his own web. After forming a cocoon of sorts, I took the grass and flung it across the lawn.
Sorry Rup, but all's fair in love and war.

Glamourgrams

Due to a misunderstanding, I went to the gym this morning. I thought Daniel and I had plans for dinner tonight but he was expecting me to come over tomorrow. It's not a bad thing to start the day off with a good sweat but it turns out that it wasn't required.
I was dripping on the elliptical when my iPod died. (Thanks for the sympathetic sigh but it was just the charge, don't worry.) So I decided to plug my headphones into the remote so I could hear Good Morning America. For the record, I'm a Today Show kinda girl but GMA was on right in front of me and I had nothing better to do. So I'm watching the weather segment, the Lisa Marie segment, even the Star Jones segment. Really nothing to elaborate on. But when they switched to the outdoor segment there were women in pink robes everywhere. Lined up all the way around the courtyard. When asked why they all matched, the women explained that they were in NYC for their Glamourgrams.
These women get together every year and spend the day getting their mammograms and then pampering themselves with massages and pedicures. It's their way of making their mammograms a priority and a pleasure.
Within the last 3 years I've known 2 women who were diagnosed with breast cancer. One of those women is Logic's mom. She is a very strong, brave woman and is currently cancer-free but it was a struggle and the chemo took a toll on her body. She is a huge proponent for mammograms and monthly breast exams because it was something she neglected prior to her diagnosis. So I write this for her. If you are over 40 and don't enjoy getting your annual mammogram, ( ;) ) maybe you can try to incorporate something fun into the day and include the women you care about. Just a thought.

5 Seconds

The mind works in mysterious ways. But not today.
I had a nightmare about returning to college. (Gee, do you think that might have something to do with the fact that I'm scared shitless to go back?) And now I'm finding it hard to come up with anything creative to say/think/write. I feel like a dry well.
But I know this will pass. This is what I do. I freak out and then I'm okay.
On a related note, Logic and I are watching Season 1 of Lost on dvd. I've seen the most recent season but that's it, so I'm really enjoying the backstory. In the very first episode Kate asks Jack why he is so calm. He tells her about a mistake he made on his first day in surgery and how he allowed himself five seconds to freak out before he tried his best to clear his head and get back to work.
So in honor of that I'm giving myself 5 seconds to freak out and then I will try my best to clear my head and think of something interesting to say/calm down about school.

What's So Odd About That?

At 3:15, I left work and took the half-hour bus ride to the gym. I walked down the stairs and into the locker room and as soon as I turned the corner I was confronted with a small older lady.
Now, before I continue I'd like to give a disclaimer. I've seen some weird/gross shit in the locker room before. (IE when is it ever okay to sit on a communal bench completely naked?) But yesterday took the cake.
See, the older woman was standing in front of a large mirror, in her jacket and nothing else!!! and she was covering her legs with large amounts vasoline. After lubing herself up she stopped, stared in the mirror, and proceeded to pick her nose.
By then, I'd changed my clothes and headed toward the bathroom. And when I returned she was standing at the hand-dryer completely naked, lifting her leg up to dry her foot.
Now tell me that wouldn't ruin your day.

Is It Just Me?

Is it just me, or do most people find their inspiration right before they fall asleep?
Nearly every night I think of something great to post and, instead of getting up to write it down, say to myself: "nah, I'll remember THIS tomorrow" only to wake up with a blank slate.

"Well, um, actually a pretty nice little Saturday,

... we're going to go to Home Depot. Yeah, buy some wallpaper, maybe get some flooring, stuff like that".
That pretty much sums up my weekend.




~courtesy of Old School

Lion Reunites With Humans Who Reared Him

Common

"Why white folks focus on dogs and yoga
While people on the low end tryin to ball and get over"

It's Hereditary

My mom likes to think I get my photographic talent from her.
This is her attempt to snap a picture of my sister and my uncle. My aunt is supposed to be in the picture too.. you can see a sliver of her shirt.
She is an abstract revolutionary.

I'm Addicted to Weed(s)

Showtime knows what they're doing. Logic and I watched the second half of season 2 last night, making our bedtime 11:30 instead of 10, and I'm already hurtin' for some more green.

Bokeh vs Bokeh

I was working diligently when I just happened to stumble upon a flickr picture that was titled "Bokeh, it's what's for dinner". Since I'd never seen this word before, I checked urbandictionary.com to see what it meant.
It seemed completely out of context but, as I previously stated, I was very busy at work so I just left it at that. But then I accidentally saw another flickr picture this morning with bokeh in the title and my interest was reignited.
This time, I chose my trusty friend wikipedia.org.
Seems this one made a little more sense.
Silly bokeh.

No Really, NOW Insert Horror Movie Scream

I watched Zodiac last night. It was probably one of the worst decisions I've ever made.
(Mental note: Just because Jake Gyllenhall is one of your favorite actors doesn't mean you should see a movie about a real-life serial killer just because he's in it. You are too sensitive.)
I made sure all our windows were closed and double checked our locks before I went to bed.

Singing Bee.. How Good Are You?

Madonna: Crazy For You

Trying hard to control my heart
I walk over to where you are
Eye to eye we need no words at all

Slowly now we begin to move
Every breath I'm deeper into you
Soon we two are standing still in time
___ ___ ___ ___ ___, ___ ___

~no cheating

Big Girl Feet

So I stumbled upon this blog that has 3 really cool desktop backgrounds for August and I thought I'd share. You have to scroll down a bit - it wouldn't let me link directly to the post but you get the idea…
http://www.big_girlfeet.blogspot.com/
SO pretty!

St Augustine

Had I not lived in Jacksonville I may have never known about St Augustine or its rich history. But since I lived 35 miles north of there, I was able to explore the city and its past on many occasions. For three years I had the pleasure of taking in the sights and sounds of the city including St George Street, the Alligator Farm, Flagler College, the Fountain of Youth, the Lighthouse and the Castillo de San Marcos. I even spent my wedding night at a hotel on St Augustine's beach. So with a warm heart and fond memories I'd like wish St Augustine a happy 442nd birthday.

Insert Horror Movie Scream

One of the scariest things I've ever seen.

Weather or Not

I'm so glad the weather has cleared up. Now I can do things I wouldn't have been able to do if it was cloudy like: go to the gym, drive home, eat cereal and watch tv.

Melissa Etheridge

"Each day I spent in hell, I chose to stay."

My Mom, The Psychic

As I was talking to my mom on the phone the other night she asked me how my friend's mom was doing. I said, "not well, why do you ask?"
"Well, I've just had this urge to pray for her lately. She's been heavy on my heart."
Little did she know at the time, Mary was a wreck.
Only a week prior, Mary returned to her car from a full day of class to find that she'd forgotten her beloved dog in the backseat. The dog was in a coma when she found her and was rushed to the emergency vet nearly an hour away. Due to the significant amount of brain damage, the dog was put to sleep later than day.

If Dreams Come True

My cherubic-self is floating around in a queue. Waiting for my turn. When I get to the front of the line I find a coveted name at the top of the 'options' list. Fully aware of my luck, I snatch the name and hold it close to my heart. I don't even stop to question why fate has smiled upon me, I only try to soak it all in. "I get to be Marv's daughter" I whisper.

The next thing I know, I'm living my life in flashes:

I'm in the delivery room, looking into his big, safe eyes.

I'm learning to ski as I stand between his legs.

I'm throwing him my best pitch.

I'm snuggling with him on the couch.

I'm rushing through the airport until I spot his warm smile.

I'm looking into his steady eyes as he escorts me down the aisle.

I'm watching as my newborn child searches his face for the safety I've known throughout the years.

I'm comforted by him as I struggle to protect my daughter.

I'm encouraged my him as I strive to raise an independent person.

I'm there to hold his hand before he passes.

And then, the most amazing thing happens. Just as my life comes to a close, I find myself living out the dance that Mia Michaels choreographed. I enter heaven and see his beautiful smile. He knows I'm coming and has dressed in his finest. We rush to each other and embrace. Not able to contain our excitement, we jump from cloud to cloud - playing and dancing. We are the happiest we'll ever be because we know that we'll finally be together forever.

Advice: Stress

A lecturer when explaining stress management to an audience,
raised a glass of water and asked
"How heavy is this glass of water?"
Answers called out ranged from 20g to 500g.

The lecturer replied, "The absolute weight doesn't matter.
It depends on how long you try to hold it.
If I hold it for a minute, that's not a problem.
If I hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in my right arm.
If I hold it for a day, you'll have to call an ambulance.
In each case, it's the same weight,
but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes."

He continued,
"And that's the way it is with stress management.
If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later,
as the burden becomes increasingly heavy,
we won't be able to carry on. "
"As with the glass of water,
you have to put it down for a while and rest before holding it again.
When we're refreshed, we can carry on with the burden."
"So, before you return home tonight, put the burden of work down.
Don't carry it home.
You can pick it up tomorrow.

Whatever burdens you're carrying now,
let them down for a moment if you can."
So, my friend, Put down anything that may be a burden to you right now.
Don't pick it up again until after you've rested a while.

~ Sent to me by Lilikoi.

Oscar The Grim Reaper Cat

My dad was an administrator of a nursing home for about 20 years. His first care center was in Roseburg and I spent a lot of time making the rounds with him and talking to his residents. When I heard this story, it moved me because I know there are elderly people who are left to die by their families. The thought of their final hours being spent with an animal cuddling and nurturing them makes me want to bawl.

Draft Gore

Not sure how you're feeling about the current political landscape and that's not what this blog is about. But if you're anything like me and you're on the edge of your seat waiting for Gore to put his hat in the ring, then you can go here or click on the picture and petition for him to be a presidental candidate for 2008.

This Makes Me Sad

The youth of our country all seem to want to grow up and be famous. Just like her.

The Last King of Scotland - Review

Let me just start off by saying I am not a proponent of violence in movies. But I do think a movie should be given leniency when trying to make a point. And in TLKOS the violence is necessary.
If you've never heard of it, it's the story of Idi Amin's brutal ruling of Uganda in the 1970's.
Because this story is based on fact, I cannot argue with the overwhelmingly grotesque aggression that was portrayed but had I known the film would be so graphic, I would have never watched it.
(The movie is still resonating so this may be impartial from a woman with a delicate psyche. Consider that my disclaimer.)
Yes, it is based on fact. Yes, it is important for people to understand what goes on outside of their country. Yes, people need to learn about history in order to prevent it from repeating. But this movie is so savage in parts that I am still battling a rumbling stomach - nearly 12 hours later.
Proceed with caution.

An Open Letter To Stratus Clouds

Fuck off.
I hate you!
Where do you get off thinking you can lurk above me for four days straight? I need to see the sun! I need to feel the warmth of its rays on my face. But you are preventing that from happening.
I am prepared to deal with this kind of cruelty in the winter. After all, I am in Seattle. But it's summer, damnit! So piss off!

Fark For Today

"Vatican says child sexual abuse isn't just a Catholic problem. In related news, other companies make facial tissue but we still call it all Kleenex".

~tag issued for this article.

Ally McBeal

Remember that show?
I was thinking about the unisex bathroom today. There's no way I could do that. I already get stage fright when another woman's in there. It would be impossible with the stream (pardon the pun) of men coming in and out.
What about you? Would you be comfortable with that?

Worn Out

I feel like I'm constantly having to convince myself to spend time with certain people. These people are nice and they care about me, but I just don't have the energy to deal with them.
So let me ask a question:
Do you have any friends that you keep in touch with out of obligation rather than genuine interest?
AND/ OR
Do you ever feel like life is too short to spend time with people who don't truly mean something to you?

When Will I Be Happy?

I can't seem to find the right picture for my background. Please forgive as I play around. What do you think of this one?

~thank you IBebels

The Wonder Years

When Kevin's adult voice explained the day that Winnie met his wife I was heart broken. To this day, I wince at the thought of that episode. It was as if my innocence was lost. I learned that just because people should be together doesn't mean they will be. (Another disappointing moment in my television upbringing was the finale of Life Goes On when the show ends as Becca tells her son the story of Jesse's life. Whaa!)
But today I learned that, although Kevin and Winnie didn't end up together, Fred Savage did marry his childhood friend Jennifer. That provided a strange sense of closure for me and made me feel like all was right in the world again. I can sleep easy tonight.

If You Love Something, Let It Go

Logic and I were living in the same town for about 6 months when he dropped a bomb on me. We'd had a busy day and were lounging on the couch in my apartment.
Him: Do you ever worry the maybe we're wasting time?
Me: What do you mean?
Him: What if we're not THE ONE for each other? Doesn't that worry you?
Me: No. I figure if it's going to work out, it's going to work out.*
At that point, the conversation escalated to the point that I thought we'd broken up (he thought we were just fighting). He called every day for the next four days. Finally, by the fourth day I told him that he couldn't keep calling me if he didn't know what he wanted. The next morning he was at my door. We talked for hours and decided we wanted to see where the relationship would go. It was a slow progression because I was hesitant but I am so glad we chose to stick it out.
He came back to me.



* story is 7 years old so the details are blurry. conversation was generalized.

Thanks Uppity

It's official. I've received my first tag.
So, to appease the uppity gods, I present my list of my 8 facts/habits:

1) FACT: I used to smoke a lot of weed. Like, daily. But somewhere along the way, my 'high' turned into a low and I stopped enjoying it. It's now been well over a year since the last time I smoked.
2) HABIT: I clean crumbs off of surfaces without even realizing it. For instance, when talking on the phone, if I see a crumb on the dining room table I must walk over and wipe it off. This creates quite a mess on the floor but cleaning the hardwood is not one of my habits.
3) FACT: I used to hate reading. In my house, it was required to read for at least an hour every night and only watch television a half hour every night. This was torture for me. But now that the television has worn out it's welcome in my house, I've grown to really appreciate a good book. No commercials, no corny music highlighting the dramatic scenes, no over-exposure of certain actors. Just words and my imagination. And I never have to worry about 'missing' an episode or scene. I get to pick back up where I left off whenever I want.
4) HABIT: I constantly manicure my nails. If I'm not filing, I'm pushing back cuticles.
5) FACT: I don't know if I want to have kids. If I do, I know I'll love them more than I can currently imagine but I worry about the responsibility and commitment. Plus, the thought of bringing someone else into this already chaotic and messed up world scares the shit out of me.
6) HABIT: I eat sandwiches from the crust inward so that I save the best bite for last. Other examples are: eating pizza backward, tearing the top off of a muffin and eating it after the bottom, and saving my favorite types of fruit for last in trail mix.
7) FACT: I am the queen of skimming by. I skim by on everything. Work, exercise, school. I've never practiced or studied. I wish I did.
8) HABIT: This last one continues to surprise my mom but now that I'm an adult and have a place of my own, I make the bed every morning. Sure, it's my own bed and I can slack if I want but there's something about a nicely made bed that really cleans up the room.

And since I know I'm one of the very few who actually enjoy these things, I'm choosing not to tag. For any of my blog friends, you're welcome. :)

The Walk Home

We were at the lodge, spending the evening with family. We playing pool and threw back a few beers. Time escaped us, as it often does in those situations. Before we knew it, the clock read 1:00 and we were preparing to walk back to our cabin in the dark. The groom's cousin stopped us at the door and offered to let us borrow his flashlight. We were so relieved because the walk wouldn't have been an easy one.
The group hovered over the light that lead the way but Logic didn't have the patience. He managed to make it back to the cabin but just as he thought he'd be reaching the porch he ran shin-first into a boulder that was guarding the house from a potential accident with a reversing car. He lost a chunk of skin on that boulder. And his ego.
But it was damn funny.

Dahlias

The next of many

by tallguy 2005

My Trip to Utah

I guess I went into my trip with the right attitude because I ended up having a great time. Sure it was hectic and I didn't get much sleep, but I also made some great memories.
1) On the drive from Salt Lake City to the wedding site in Southeast Utah Logic's sister and I sat in the back of the van and giggled 80% of the drive.
2) The ride through Canyonlands was stunning. There were some very windy roads but the views were incredible.
3) The Bed and Breakfast that hosted the wedding and reception was tucked into the mountains. I loved it! We stayed in a cabin and it felt so isolated. We felt like we were by ourselves when at the cabin but if we crossed the street and walked up a hill, we were in the middle of the action.
4) The wedding was beautiful and I was crying within the first 5 minutes.
5) The reception was a crazy party. Plenty of beer, spiked punch, cowboy hats, karaoke, line dancing, some hip-hop mixed in, great conversation, and even an authentic fight.
6) A drive to Dead Horse Point reminded me of the Grand Canyon. The scenery was opposite of the Northwest which was a refreshing change: red rock, deep ravines, seeing for miles.
7) On an early morning hike to Delicate Arch I had one of the best hikes of my life. Logic's sister and Logic woke up at 5 am with me to hike up a huge rock and trek up a mountain to one of the most amazing views I've ever seen.
But it was the little moments with family that I'll cherish the most.

Don't Leave Your Handprint Intentionally

~photo courtesy of shenghung lin

This is Not a Vacation

I'll be flying from Washington to Utah tonight. I'll stay at Grandma's house tonight and then drive 4 hours tomorrow. I will attend a wedding on Saturday and spend the night in a lodge up in the mountains. Then I'll drive 4 hours back to Grandma's on Monday and fly home on Tuesday.
Anytime off from work fits into the category of 'vacation' by most standards but this is the exception. You see, there are certain factors that prevent me from relaxing (vital for actual vacationing).
1) The trip is already planned out and I wasn't consulted.
2) Nieces and Nephews will require a lot of attention (more exhaustion).
3) I won't have my own car/space for 5 days. I will be at the mercy of others, which I rarely enjoy.
BUT, being the pseudo-optimist that I am, I'm going to try and focus on that one ray of sunshine: the lodge. I've been craving some isolation from city life and that lodge has my name written all over it. And who knows, maybe my lack of expectations will be just the thing. If I don't look forward to anything, I won't be disappointed right?

Template

~ courtesy of

marcomagrini's

Leader Test Results

What Famous Leader Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

Office Space

Anyone who has ever had a 'desk job' (which isn't nearly as dirty as it sounds) has probably heard one or more of these sayings.
For me "we're gonna need to go ahead and move you downstairs into storage B" rings true. It's not uncommon to shift seating arrangements at my job. People have been set up in storage closets, stairways, conference rooms and even a former mortuary. Lucky for me, I've only been stuffed like a sardine into a small office with 5 other people. Hey, coulda been worse.

Fark Story of the Day

"Smoking deaths equal one jumbo jet going down every hour, but without all the annoying screaming."















~photo by Radarwollongong

Exersize

My mom graduated from Ferris State University with a degree in Education. She taught school for a few years and discovered it wasn't for her. Soon after, she married my dad and started having babies but continued to work part time.
By the time I came around, she had found her niche as an aerobics instructor.
Some of my very first memories are of lying on an exercise mat in my pink leotard and black tights, listening to my mom guide everyone through a 'cool down'.
For a long time she worked for a woman named Kris but after we moved from Idaho she did freelance work for different studios/schools. She named her classes Exersize by Jan and even had t-shirts made up.
It was because of this that during a 3rd grade spelling bee I misspelled exercise. I remember the moment very specifically. We were going around the room taking turns spelling the words assigned to us. The teacher got to me and when she asked me to spell exercise I was literally beaming! "I've got this!" I thought to myself. But when I go to the 's' I was cut off and the word was passed along to the person behind me.
I was was upset. Not that people in my class thought I couldn't spell exercise, but because I felt like I'd been mislead by my mom. It took me a long time to realize she was doing a play on words. She wasn't trying to sabotage my spelling abilities after all.

Rainbow

In honor of Pride Week

thanks yellow rubber ducky

No More Therapy Thursdays

I broke up with my therapist yesterday.
For many months I've been considering it but I've become attached to this woman. She was my first. I learned what therapy was with her. Opening up to her in a way I'd never done before; pouring my soul out every week for over a year.
Slowly but surely, over the last few months I started noticing little changes in our time together. I would talk about something and when I mentioned it the next week I'd have to summarize everything to remind her. It was all give and no take.
Then I read this post. Aaryn took the words right out of my mouth (sort of). Granted, I didn't change therapists and I am on medication, but you get the gist.
When I finished reading "One Long Angry Sentence Of A Question" I decided to go over the pros and cons of staying with my current psychologist:

Pros:
She knows me (Unless you take into consideration the fact that she never listens, then she probably doesn't know me all that well.)
She is covered by my insurance

At this point I was surprised to find a lack of pros. So I went over the cons.

Cons:
She doesn't listen
She doesn't give constructive help
She keeps up a very high wall, not allowing me to know anything about her opinions/self
She doesn't get me
I don't feel like I can tell her everything that I'm thinking/feeling without a certain level of judgement
She makes a mock sympathy face that irritates the shit out of me
She didn't give a good first-impression (I should have stayed with my gut instinct.)

Pretty cut and dry really. So it was just a matter of time before I realized my feelings weren't going to change and that I needn't feel bad about cutting the cord with her. After all, therapy is supposed to be about ME.
All week I was fretting over my upcoming session and how I was going to handle the breakup. But yesterday, when my schedule became more complicated, I decided I just needed to do it. So instead of the heartfelt farewell I had been practicing, I left her a voicemail saying I wanted to take some time off. At first I felt bad about doing it over the phone but then I realized I was worrying about her again. And I knew I'd made the right decision.

Hump Day Distraction

If you have a second, hop over here and play.

Here's what mine said:

Your past life diagnosis:
You were female in your last earthly incarnation.You were born somewhere in the territory of modern Korea around the year 650. Your profession was that of a warrior, hunter, fisherman or executor of sacrifices.
Your brief psychological profile in your past life:
You were a sane, practical person, a materialist with no spiritual consciousness. Your simple wisdom helped the weaker and the poor.
The lesson that your last past life brought to your present incarnation:
You should develop your talent for love, happiness and enthusiasm and you should distribute these feelings to all people.

The Thing Is

-When the weather is nice and there's an obvious shift in my mental state, I forget how awful the winters are.
-When I spend time with family it's as if everything is right in the world, and yet part of me prefers the less-than-perfect rest of my life.
-Vacation can sometimes be more exhausting than my typical routine.
-As much as I like my therapist, I think I need to let her go. I can't let my emotions get in the way. -I've only heard one person say they like Paris Hilton and yet magazines/tv/radio continue to report her every move. Someone has to be encouraging this shit.
-I want to set myself up for success and know that moving closer to UW will make my commute to school much more manageable, but I'm really going to miss my condo on Alki. We've put so much work into it. Plus, there's nothing like waking up and walking to the Puget Sound with a cup of coffee.

All I Can Say Is WOW!

The Beatles, The Rolling Stones, Stevie Wonder. All of them are icons in their own right. But in the world of dance, there is only one.

Pet Peeve #96

When people drag their feet.
There's nothing worse than having a migraine and finding solitude somewhere only to shudder when someone walks by with their sandals grazing the carpet.

Fireworks

Niece #1: "I want to get married on the fourth of July so I can have fireworks on every anniversary."
Niece #2: "Hello?!? The fourth of July is Independence day!"

Love/Hate Relationship

Summer is my favorite time of year. Everything is in bloom, it's warm and the sun is high in the sky. But during the summer, my allergies are on high alert. This got me thinking about the love/hate relationship I have with summertime in Seattle.
I love flowers. Not to the point where I want a bouquet in my house every day (possibly due to the constant sneezing that would ensue) but for the sole purpose of marveling at their beauty in their natural state. My favorite flowers are lilacs. The house I lived in from birth until age six had a large lilac tree in the back yard and I have some very fond memories of living life with the lingering fragrance of lilacs in bloom. Due to my age and what my life consisted of, it also reminds me of my mom. Two years ago I bought my very own lilac dwarf-bush and have enjoyed watching it bloom on my deck every spring.
I love warm weather. The kind that requires you to slow down and reflect. There is no such thing as rushing when the weather is nice. Everything is done in a leisurely fashion so as to enjoy every morsel of it.
I love the activities that come along with warm weather. Sunbathing is at the top of my list. Not that I have the skin-type for it, but I love the way heat penetrates through my skin and dries my swimsuit in record time. I love snorkeling. I've only gone once, but it was a lot of fun. So was white water rafting, the one time I did that. I love going on hikes and exploring new areas. I love the fresh produce that comes with warm weather. And drinking gatorade and smoothies and eating ice cream.
But most of all, I love seeing the sun. Seattle has a reputation for rain but in all honesty it doesn't rain a lot here. More often that not it's overcast. Until living here, I didn't realize how important the sun was to me. But on day number 3 without it, I get stir crazy. So when summer arrives and the sun is in tow, my mood shifts to a notch that the people around me are grateful for. I feel like myself again.
But with sunshine and flowers come pollen, mold, dust and weeds.
I have come to realize that my allergies are their worst in the Northwest. All the moisture is what kills me. But along with the moisture come the best things about this season. So I choose to dope up on Zyrtec and Flonase and suffer in silence because damnit! I can't let something like itchy eyes, a sore throat and constant sneezing keep me from enjoying my favorite season.

Motivational Posters

Miss Greek

Since last November when I started going to the gym, I have changed my routine quite a bit. First it was 30 minutes of the eliptical, then 10 minutes of that plus 20 minutes of weights, then mostly weights, then just the treadmill and now just the eliptical. All the while, I've seen one particular girl come in at varying times of the day and use the same machine.
One of the first few times I noticed her, I was with my friend Daniel. He also noticed that she was always there and we began calling her Miss Greek, based on the sorority shirts she often wore.
Since that time months ago, she has consistently stayed on that one particular machine and she always takes control of the t.v. in front of her. At first we talked about her because she was bitchy. Always needing to be in control of the t.v. and yelling at anyone who tried to change the channel. But since then it has grown into concern.
I, too, am a frequent 'ciser' (as Logic would call it, in his typical abbreviated form) but she is there all the time. I even saw her there at 7:00 on Monday. Typically she arrives at 4:00!
Should I be worried that she works out for hours every day? And is withering away? Is it my place to say anything to the staff?
What would you do in that situation?

Funny Headline of the Day

"First rule of Fight Club, you don't invite newspaper reporters"

~actual article found here.

Trying to Formulate My Thoughts

Lately I feel consumed by things other than writing. I'm busy looking at real estate downtown, working on taking more pictures, and getting outside to enjoy the beautiful Seattle summer.
I hope to get somethings down on "paper" soon. Right now the things I'm trying to formulate are:
-Soul mates. Not in the lovie-dovie sense, but rather being at the right place at the right time to be with the person who is going to help you be your best self. Instigated by a wonderful weekend with Logic. Okay, and also a love story. (Yes, I listened to the ebook of The Notebook again. Don't judge me.)
-Being the only girl at a party of nearly 30 people and only having the attention of one man, my husband.
-Paige coming to visit at the end of the month with her munchkins, sans her husband. That means I'll need to step up and help out more than I typically do.
-The trip to Utah in my near future.
-The fact that my booty continues to get bigger the more I exercise. This is completely new to me.
-Strange friendships including Pandora who called me incessantly until finally giving up and leaving a message in which she asked if I could burn her some cds. What a weird thing to ask.
This also gets me thinking about other friendships I have and how I've grown to really need my space. It's been a difficult thing to get used to because I feel like I'm blowing people off. But I don't require as much social interaction as I used to. Another thing that is completely new to me.

Sandra Sturtz Hauss

THESE ARE MY WISHES FOR YOU

May you find serenity and tranquility
in a world you may not always understand.

May the pain you have known
and the conflict you have experienced
give you the strength to walk through life
facing each new situation with courage and optimism.

Always know that there are those

whose love and understanding will always be there,
even when you feel most alone.

May a kind word,
a reassuring touch,
and a warm smile
be yours every day of your life,
and may you give these gifts
as well as receive them.

May the teachings of those you admire
become part of you,
so that you may call upon them.

Remember, those whose lives you have touched
and who have touched yours
are always a part of you,
even if the encounters were less than you would have wished.
It is the content of the encounter
that is more important than its form.

May you not become too concerned with material matters,
but instead place immeasurable value
on the goodness in your heart.
Find time in each day to see beauty and love
in the world around you.

Realize that what you feel you lack in one regard
you may be more than compensated for in another.
What you feel you lack in the present
may become one of your strengths in the future.
May you see your future as one filled with promise and possibility.
Learn to view everything as a worthwhile experience.

May you find enough inner strength
to determine your own worth by yourself,
and not be dependent
on another's judgment of your accomplishments.

May you always feel loved.

My Very First Kiss

I was four and he was five. We spent all of our time together. It was the first time I liked a boy without knowing why. His little brother would follow us everywhere, wanting to play. We would find new places to hide.
This time it was under his bunk bed. The bedding dropped to the floor, protecting us from the light and from getting caught. I remember it well. Even then, it was a surge of energy. At such a young age, I felt a spark. Right as we kissed his brother lifted up the comforter to find us and then scurried through the house, trying to find his mom so he could tell on us. I don't remember getting in trouble, but if I did it was worth it.

Adulthood

I had the best day yesterday. It started out earlier than I expected. I was up and making breakfast by 9. I cooked some turkey bacon and then decided to make strawberry smoothies. Not the best combination, but as I told my sister, it included 3 major food groups: dairy, fruit and protein. After the smoothie, Logic suggested we go for a walk so we headed north toward Alki Beach and then looped back around on a side street. When we returned home, he decided to call his mom for her weekly update and I read my book.
When he finished talking to his mom, Logic suggested we finish our walk. This time we headed south and I remembered to bring my trusty camera. We started out along the water and soon made our way up a major hill to the top of Alki. Once there, we continued on up another large hill and past the junior high. At that point, I suggested we walk to the high school because I'd been wanting to take pictures of that. We headed west until I was content with my pictures and then made the ascension back down the hills. By the time we got home, it was already 3:00 in the afternoon! We grabbed some gatorade and watched Mary Poppins.
It was a really great day!

It wasn't until I read this post that I realized how much I've changed in the last few years. Had this been a perfect Sunday just three years ago, I would have slept until 1:00, had leftover pizza, and recovered from my hangover while watching MTV all afternoon. How quickly things change. I wonder what my ideal Sunday will be 3 years from now?

Maya Angelou

“Each of us has that right, that possibility, to
invent ourselves daily. If a person does not invent
herself, she will be invented. So, to be bodacious
enough to invent ourselves is wise.”

Happy Birthday Logic

I am 9 months older than Logic. 8 months and 27 days, to be exact. I like to joke that his parents miraculously knew of my birth and, in an effort to bring me into their family, knew they had to get busy. In honor of that, I'd like to take this day to thank them for all their hard work. For it was 27 years ago today that their plan took action.

Training Led Me To Drink... Caffeine

My manager asked me to train the new guy. I was flattered and relieved. My job can be very interesting or extremely monotonous depending on the day.
I saw this as an opportunity to feel engaged and busy for a few weeks. I didn't take into consideration how much talking I would need to do. Now, for anyone who knows me this may come as a shock, but in recent years I've mellowed out a bit and no longer need to explain every detail of my day to anyone who will listen. (This blog may have something to do with that, but I digress.) When I'm at work, I like to listen to my music or the news, etc. It gives me focus and sets the tone for my day.
But when I'm training, I have to structure my day in a completely different way. Slowing everything to down to explain, answering questions I don't necessarily have answers to and trying to put the 'first-day-jitters' at ease. It's exhausting, damnit!
The first few days I dragged my feet through the threshold of my condo and spent the next few hours searching for the energy to fix dinner and pack my lunch for the next day before crawling into bed an hour earlier than usual. It was on day three that I finally put two and two together. "Doh! It's the training that's making me so tired!" And it's because of this training that I'm off the wagon. Caffeine is the only thing getting me through the day at this point.
Oh sweet White Chocolate Mocha! How I love thee!

Template number 2,986

The last template, as beautiful as it was, just didn't give me the warm & fuzzies. So I present you with the next in a long line of great shots found on flickr.

A Week of Celebrity Sightings

Before this week, my closest contact with a celebrity was talking to Patrick Ewing on the phone when I was working at a previous job. So it has come as quite a surprise that I had not one, but two celebrity sightings this week. And they were about a block from each other.
It was Thursday evening and Logic, Daniel and I were enjoying a light dinner at the Icon Grille adjacent to the Westin Hotel. Daniel was mid-sentence when suddenly his voice went up an octave and he asked: "Is that Austin Scarlett from Project Runway?". As Logic and I turned to face the street, we saw a skinny blonde man dressed so elegantly, so sophisticated that there was no doubt in our minds that it was indeed him. From the designer jeans to the ascot around his neck, Austin stood out in the crowd. Had we been outside, I'm sure Daniel and I would have chased after him screaming: "Was Wendy Pepper as bitchy as they made her out to be?" and "Tell me the truth, Tim Gunn is just as adorable in person, isn't he?"
Luckily for him, we were tucked into a booth in the middle of the bar and had no way of catching up to him, had we chosen to try.
We all giggled and shared our favorite Project Runway stories as we continued to scan the street in the hopes of catching another glimpse. But food was consumed, wine drank and the bill paid without any further signs of all things Austin.
The next morning at work, I proceeded to tell everyone I knew about my 'encounter' with celebrity. It wasn't until things settled down that I decided to skim the local paper for the day's top stories.
"Barack Comes to Seattle" caught my attention. He would be campaigning literally two blocks from my office and I quickly calculated how I could alter my plans and try to attend. After a thorough search I learned that the tickets were sold out, so I proceeded to go about my day knowing I would miss his visit.
I left work at 3:30 for the gym and had a great workout. Feeling energized, I decided to leave my iPod on and walk to Logic's office. Well, Logic happened to be waiting for me outside of the gym since his office let out early, but since I never put my iPod in my bag I didn't notice his calls. It wasn't until I was within two blocks of his office that I felt my gym bag vibrate. Logic had called three times AND left a text message. Oops!
I immediately called him back and informed him that I had already made it to his building. So after all his effort, he still had to come back to work and pick me up.
A few minutes had passed since our phone call and I was searching the intersection for our car. I saw flashing lights and waiting for the inevitable commotion. Only this wasn't a routine ticket. The flashing lights were coming from a large black police truck, and instead of pulling someone over, the truck blocked the intersection and waited for a procession of five black SUVs to turn down Virginia. As the third SUV was approaching the turn, I spotted a handsome man peering out the back window. His posture was regal and his smile friendly. Before I knew it, the procession had passed and I was left wondering: "was that who I think it was?". When Logic finally arrived I could barely contain my excitement. "I think I just saw Barack!"
He joked that I'd probably run into Al Gore the next day, since he was in town promoting his book.
I haven't seen him yet, but I will be downtown later this afternoon. I'll let you know if I do.

Are You SoCal or Seattle?

Yesterday I learned that friend of mine hates the sunshine. She said being in a place like SoCal makes her feel crazy. In mock agreement I said, "yeah, I much prefer one large cloud covering the entire sky." Her response: "definitely!". She wasn't joking.
I find this very intriguing. First off, I've never met anyone like her before. Second, I am the absolute opposite. SoCal is where my dreams reside. Sunshine all day is heaven to me.
What side of the discussion do you relate to? Are you SoCal or Seattle?