Not because of the vowels and consonants, but because of the intention behind the word. Often times it occurs when I'm watching something on t.v. or listening to the radio. I will be engrossed in it and he'll try and talk to me - so I shush him. He's asked me time and time again not do to it and has explained that it's the way in which I do it that really upsets him.
He's right. I do it quickly and condescendingly. I let him know that it is a monumental inconvenience for me to have to tell him to be quiet so that I can continue doing something more important. You know, like watching t.v.
I 'shushed' him twice yesterday. It wasn't until after the second time that he made me aware of it. I've become so accustomed to being a bitch that I've lost sight of when I'm actually doing it anymore. He asked me not to apologize because he knows I'll do it again. And he's right. It's not like I want to 'shush' him. Of course he is more important than whatever else it is that I'm doing. But I've grown so impatient that I do it without even realizing it. When did this start happening? When did I decide that it was okay to make him feel insignificant?
After our talk and a long night of feeling like shit, I found myself doing it again this morning. I completely cut him off mid-sentence and rushed him out of the car just so I could make it through the traffic light that just turned green. I laughed afterward (maybe trying to relieve some of the guilt that was ballooning up inside of me) but funny or most definitely not, as soon as the words escaped my mouth I realized I had done it again. Just with different vowels and consonants. Catching that light was not more important than letting Logic finish his sentence. I really need to make a conscious effort to stop being such a bitch. He is so patient and loving and I reward him by cutting him off and making him feel unimportant? If the tables had been reversed I would have been crushed.
It's about time that I let him know he is valuable to me.
Logic, I am so sorry.
2 comments:
Nothing kills passion in a relationship like taking one another for granted. But we all do it, and if we are lucky, we recognize it, as you did, and try to change.
The Mr. and I do versions of this to each other all the time.
We really need to work on that.
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