Space

When I was young(er) I used to dream of the big city. My first glimpse was when my family visited my sister Jill in Bakersfield, California. I didn't know any better, so I was impressed (heehee). She had so many friends, fun plans and all the modern conveniences of a mall. The image she reflected made it impossible for a 7 year old girl from small-town Idaho to settle for country life.
As I grew up, I was constantly compared to Jill and I considered it a compliment. I wanted to emulate Jill down to the last detail of being a California girl. But when the time came to move out of my parents house, all the signs pointed to Portland.
Still a big city, I was content. I made friends, had fun plans and even worked at a mall. But after a year Logic got sick and I chose to move closer to him and his family. Two years and a remission later, we moved to Jacksonville, Florida together. We both worked in restaurants and lived the night life that is required in that field. Friends, check. Fun plans, check. Mall, check. Jacksonville had everything I thought I needed in a city. That naive opinion lasted about a year. Logic and I soon became aware of the cultural differences that we had been oblivious to before. Realizing that racism is still alive and well in the South was the largest shock of all. That was something we continued to have a problem with until the day we moved (and after). But there were other things about Jacksonville that we grew tired of. Our friends were casual friends who were around when drinks were prevalent but were conveniently absent when we needed support. Those fun plans we had all the time were wearing thin. The superficiality of our lifestyle became lonely and we soon realized how important family was to us. So once Logic graduated college, we packed up our bags and our cats and got as far away as we could. Seattle, Washington.
Seattle was the opposite of Jacksonville. Not only on the map, but in mentality and lifestyle. It was the largest city in all of the Northwest so we figured we wouldn't be giving up our big city dreams and yet we'd be able to spend more time with family and make closer, better friends.
We settled in to an apartment 2 miles from my brother Tom. And my high school friend was also nearby. We lived the next 2 years with a smirk on our faces. Thinking we'd figured it all out. Friends, check. Fun plans, check. A mall, check. Living closer to family, check.
But as time wore on we discovered that the friends who were most important to us were still too far away. And those fun plans weren't as fun without them. And don't even get me started on the mall. If I lived the rest of my life and never had to go into another mall I'd be content.
Somewhere along the way, the big city lost it's appeal. It slowly turned into streets crawling with strangers, towering buildings that block my sunlight, and a constant reminder that our lives weren't going to have the significance we want them to without much sacrifice. Less friends, less family.
So as Oprah would say, I've come full circle. I've now lived in The Big City for 7 years and I'm starting to think the lucky number 7 is how I should leave it.