Stream of Consciousness

I want to move.
I want to live someplace with sunshine. I
want to be near family.
I want to be near friends.
What if moving doesn't make me happy?
What if I get there and find myself in the same predicament I'm in now?
I'll at least be near family and friends.
I'll have a house.
I'll have the freedom to go on vacations to places other than where my family lives.
I can feel safe again.
I can find my happiness there.
And if worse comes to worse, I can move again.
I don't want to move again.
I want to find a place that I can grow roots.
A place where I can plant a lilac tree.
And have a deck that overlooks the greenery.
I want to know that if I run out of change the day before payday I can go to my in-law's for dinner.
I don't want to sit in my condo every night and watch t.v. anymore.
I'm perpetuating the cycle of loneliness.