The Check Up

My stomach hurts, my mind is going a thousand miles a minute and I find myself staring out the window at the (rare) blue sky. I recognize all those signs as anxiety but spend the day trying to place it.
My birthday is tomorrow. That's a GOOD thing. My parents are here to celebrate with me. That's a GREAT thing. I'm taking the day off. Another GOOD thing. My mom is making my favorite cake and cooking a meal that reminds me of home. Another GREAT thing. So what is it that has my stomach in knots? Then it hits me. Logic is at the doctor for his check up.
Eight years ago, late at night, at a hospital in Portland he was diagnosed with Hodgkin's Disease. It felt like this. And every time I am reminded of his struggle and eventual conquering of the disease I am stabbed in the gut with the fear of a recurrence.
I won't hear about the appointment until tonight and neither of us will have results for a week so my anxiety today won't do any good. (When does it ever?) And yet, here I am. Anxious.