And Now, the Rest of the Story

Remember Paul Harvey? I don't mean to insinuate that he has passed on, because he hasn't. I only say that because I completely forgot about him. My sister, Jade forwarded an email that included some amazing statistics regarding his career on the radio and it brought back some memories.
Of all the AM radio my parents subjected me to growing up, I can only think of one station that I enjoyed... I've blocked out the actual station, but I can tell you that it included stories by Paul Harvey.
On drives to the post office or the library, or any other place that I dreaded going as a kid, I can remember pretending to sleep so I could stay in the car with the radio on.
I'm sure if I were to listen to him today, I would find a great deal of comfort in hearing his voice.

A Tribute

"It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood. A beautiful day for a neighbor. Would you be mine? Could you be mine? Won't you be my neighbor? I have always wanted to have a neighbor just like you. I've always wanted to live in a neighborhood with you. So, let's make the most of this beautiful day. Since we're together we might as well say. Would you be mine? Could you be mine? Won't you be my neighbor?"

I used to start my mornings with Mr. Rogers Neighborhood and continue to find great solace in that song. Oh, Mr. Rogers, you are missed.

Salt Water Taffy

Funny how some memories just pop into your head randomly.
I was 8 and we were living in Council. I went to the warm springs near our town with my 2nd grade class. I remember sitting on a hot vynil bus seat in my swimsuit and towel. Water dripping down my back from my wet hair. The sun shining on my face. And I was eating a green apple square of salt water taffy from the concession stand.

Favorite Summer Memories

After reading Rude Cactus a few days ago, I decided to post about my favorite memory of the summer.
Paige drove up with her family to celebrate the 4th of July with me. It was convenient to have them come up for a holiday weekend, but it was more than just hanging out during our independence weekend.
See, Paige arrived in America on July 4th - 28 years ago. She was born in Seoul, Korea and lived in a foster home for 2 years before joining our family. And since she is my nearest and dearest sibling I can't help but think of what my life would be without her. July 4th is my favorite holiday because it's the day she became my sister. Granted, I wasn't born for another 3 years, but without that day she wouldn't be my Onni.

Inside The Actor's Studio

I used to really love that show! I liked how it seemed true to the art of acting. No fabricated interviews about love lives or mansions - just questions about acting technique and what brought the guests to the place they are at.
That was until the day they invited Jennifer Lopez on the show. At first I thought I was watching a spoof on Mad TV but sure enough James and Jennifer were not being impersonated.
Since that show I've tried to get back into it, really I have. I watched the Michael J. Fox special 2 hour episode (which was really good!) but sadly the very next week they had Cameron Diaz! I couldn't stomach the betrayal after that.
I practically forgot about the show until today when I was reading Orchestrated Happenstance and found a posting about the questionaire James Lipton accredits Bernard Pivot with creating. In rememberance of a happier ITAS time, here are the questions and my answers.

What is your favorite word? limpia para brisas (windshield wipers in Spanish)

What is your least favorite word? hootenanny (maybe I'll blog about that sometime)

What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally? the ocean

What turns you off? ignorance

What is your favorite curse word? fuck. although I have to admit I am also fond of British vulgarity such as wanker.

What sound or noise do you love? waves crashing

What sound or noise do you hate? saliva sloshing around in someone's mouth

What profession other than your own would you like to attempt? dance

What profession would you not like to do? anything in the restaurant industry (again)

If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?
See! I DO exist!

Mitch Hedberg

I'm not sure what possessed me to do a Mitch Hedberg search the other day, but I couldn't stop laughing as I went through my favorite quotes. In honor of Mitch, I'd like to share some with you - and hopefully help you get through the day.


-A kitten bats around a ball of yarn but what he's really saying is, "You know I can't knit, motherfucker."
-You know when they have a fishing show on TV? They catch the fish and then let it go. They don't want to eat the fish; they just want to make it late for something. "Why were you late?" "I got caught!" "Bullshit, let me see the inside of your lip!"
-When you go to a restaurant on the weekends and it's busy they start a waiting list. They start calling out names, they say "Dufrane, party of two. Dufrane, party of two." And if no one answers they'll say their name again. "Dufrane, party of two, Dufrane, party of two." But then if no one answers they'll just go right on to the next name. "Bush, party of three." Yeah, but what happened to the Dufranes? No one seems to give a shit. Who can eat at a time like this - people are missing. You fuckers are selfish... the Dufranes are in someone's trunk right now, with duct tape over their mouths. And they're hungry! That's a double whammy. We need help. Bush, search party of three! You can eat when you find the Dufranes.
-I had a bag of Fritos, but these were Texas Grilled Fritos. These Fritos had grill marks on them. Hell yeah. Reminds me of summertime, when we used to fire up the barbecue and throw down some Fritos. I can still see my dad with the apron on. "Better flip that Frito Dad, you know how I like mine: with grill marks."
-Peter Frampton is a musical legend, but I don't know any of his music. When you meet a legend, and you don't know their body of work, you have to divert from that fact. It's like: "Hey Peter Frampton... do you like... toast, too? Yes, as do I. It is warm and crispy. And a perfect place for jelly to lay. Now stay away from me, Frampton, I ain't got shit to say to you!"
-I was at a fair, and they were having a contest. It said, "Guess how many jelly beans there are in the jar" and you win a prize. "Ah c'mon, man, lemme just haaaave some. Tell you what, you guess how many I want. If you said a handful, you are right."
-I have long hair, and see, people associate long hair with drug use. I wish long hair was associated with something other than drug use, like 'an extreme longing for cake'. People would see a guy with long hair and say "damn, that fucker eats cake, he's on bundt cake". Mothers telling their daughters "don't bring the cake-eater over here anymore, he smells like flour. Did you notice how his eyes widened when he found out your birthday was fast approaching?"
-I have an oscillating fan at home; it looks like it's saying 'Noo...' so I like to ask it questions that a fan would say 'no' to. "Do you keep my hair in place?" "Do you keep my documents in order?" "Do you have three settings?" Liar! My fan fuckin' lied to me! Now I will pull the pin up. Now you ain't sayin' shit!"
-I want to be a race car passenger--just a guy who bugs the driver. "Say, man, can I turn on the radio? You should slow down. Why we gotta keep going in circles? Can I stick my feet out the window? Man, you really like Tide."
-I like an escalator because an escalator can never break. It can only become stairs. You would never see an "Escalator temporarily out-of-order" sign. Just "Escalator temporarily stairs. Sorry for the convenience." We apologize for the fact that you can still get up there.
-I was at a club and they had blacklights everywhere. A blacklight is a light that makes everyone look cool... except me, 'cause I was under the impression that the mustard stain came out.
-This shirt is dry clean only. Which means .... it's dirty.
-Some songs have a special meaning for a man in regards to a woman, but this can backfire because maybe the song had deeper meaning to begin with, but now it's been cheapened... "We are the world, we are the children, we are the ones who make a better life so let's keep on givin'." "Remember that song, baby? The night I fucked you in the pet cemetery?"
-I saw a commercial that said, "Forget everything you know about slipcovers!" ... So I did. And it was a load off my mind. Then the commercial tried to sell me slipcovers, but I didn't know what the hell they were.
-I wrote a letter to my dad. I wanted to write, "I really enjoy being here," but I accidentally wrote "rarely" instead of "really." But I still wanted to use it! I didn't want to cross it out, so I wrote, "I rarely... drive steamboats, Dad — there's a lot of shit you don't know about me. Quit trying to act like I'm a steamboat operator. This letter took a harsh turn right away. Hello, Dad." And then at the end of the letter I like to write, "P.S. — This is what part of the alphabet would look like if Q and R were eliminated.
-My friend said to me, "Man, this weather is trippy." I said to him, "No, man, it's not the weather that is trippy. Perhaps it is the way we perceive it that is indeed trippy." Then I thought, "Man, I should have just said, 'Yeah.'"
-I knew a woman who was a good friend of mine, and she gave me a friendship card that said "a friend is one of life's most beautiful gifts." On the inside were a bunch of quotes about friendship. Got me thinking that maybe I should quit stealing money out of her purse.
-I had a job interview at an insurance company once and the lady said "Where do you see yourself in five years?" I said "Celebrating the fifth year anniversary of you asking me this question."
-To do this show, I had to take a physical. They asked me a bunch of medical questions. And they were, like, yes or no questions, but they were very strangely worded. Like, "Have you ever tried sugar..... or PCP?"
-I was in Ireland. I got to drink absinthe in Ireland. Absinthe is a liquor that they outlaw. It's supposed to make you trip hallucinogenically. So I got excited because I like to hallucinate. So I started drinking lots of shots of it. But really it's just a liquor, so really I was just getting fucked up. I wasn't even remotely tripping. After 10 shots, I fell to the ground. I was trying to force the trip. "Why is the floor as low as I can go?" I was just faking it, you know.
-Whenever I walk, people try to hand me out flyers. And when someone tries to hand me out a flyer, it's kinda like they're saying, "Here, YOU throw this away."
-I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it.
-See, I'm a dreamer, man. And when I was a cook I'd always work with people who weren't dreamers. Like, I was cooking at this restaurant and I put a hot dog on the grill and my kitchen manager came over, and he said, "Mitch, put the hot dog up here, in the right hand corner of the grill, so in case you get a whole bunch of orders at once you have all this space available." See, that's how I knew he wasn't a dreamer, 'cause the day I give up my dreams is the day I have strategic grill locations. A dreamer has a philosophy: the entire grill is hot.