Taking Lyrical Requests

V & O Whiskey. Red Zinfandel. Deadguy Ale. These are just a few of my favorites.
With 3 years in a remote Montana town and bartending as my credentials, I consider my knowledge of alcohol to be rather good. That and the fact that I've tried nearly everything.
But sadly I must report that as I age alcohol seems to be turning its back on me. I don't have the resilience to continue chugging after 4 beers, shots give me heartburn and wine puts me to sleep before I can get a good buzz. I'm starting to wonder if alcohol was only "created" to help twenty-something's reproduce?
I realize that my not-being-able-to-get-drunk-anymore-problem is not something to complain about. There are people out there trying to quit (and even more who are reading this as they recover from a night on the bathroom floor). But there's something about the ritual of drinking that I miss. Getting together with friends, having crazy/hysterical stories to reminisce about later, the camaraderie of 2 people waiting in the Taco Bell line at 2 am and most importantly - the reputation I worked so hard to deserve (how many can brag about shot-gunning a beer in a kiddy pool at a one year olds birthday party?).
Most people my age probably don't worry about this. They're probably hoping all the weed didn't make them sterile. But as someone without a definite kid-or-no-kid answer, I'm trying to figure out what to do with my time. (Suddenly Brit's "Not Yet a Woman" comes into my head.) Maybe I'll write a song called "I'm a Woman Who Doesn't Want Kids Yet but Can't Hold Her Liquor Anymore". Want to help?