Pony Party

My neice is 2 1/2 years old and spends 3 days a week in daycare. It's located on her dad's office campus and is the only daycare of it's kind that I know of.
She and 2 other toddlers have a caregiver and they have everything from Big Sister/Brother parties when siblings are born to pony parties. Now, by pony parties I don't mean horse rides. I mean that the girls and their caregivers play with each other's hair and put them in ponies.
I'd heard my sister talk about them before but this morning she informed me that she'd been invited to go to a pony party and play with everyone's hair. Isn't that the cutest thing ever?

I Love You Mom

Last night was rough. I had a very realistic dream about my mom passing away. Her spirit continued to follow me around as I organized her funeral and tried to cope with her death.
I woke up with an overwhelming desire to call her and say "I love you".
You know what, I am going to do that right now...

John Edwards

I took an hour out of my work day to attend a reading of John Edward's new book 'Home'. But I really went to see the kind of man I voted for. To see if he lived up to the expectations I had for him.
I haven't met many politicians, but if I had to rate him on a scale of 1 - 5 I'd give him a 4. He was charming (especially his southern accent), interesting and intelligent. But I refuse to give him a 5 because I felt like he wasn't entirely genuine. Not like I expect that from a politician, but I was hoping for something inspirational. A man on a quest to correct the mistakes of our current administration.
There were a few times when he lit up and seemed sincere in his answers; when he talked about his involvement to find a solution to poverty and when discussing his distaste for W. but the rest of the time he had an botox-esque face and a generic demeaner. He even wore the "I'm everyman" uniform of khaki pants and a relaxed button-up shirt. I guess he just looked like he was trying too hard for my taste.

Sunshine

So you already know my feelings about sitting by the window at work, but on I go - ranting again.
Here I am - sitting in my cave - staring longingly at the patch of 2 feet by 1 foot blue sky that I can see from across the room.
And the only reason I can see that is because I snuck to the wall and changed the direction of the blinds a few days ago.
But enough small talk - it's time for the ranting. WHY THE FUCK DO PEOPLE WHO SPECIFICALLY ASK TO SIT BY A WINDOW CLOSE THEIR BLINDS? Whose idea of a sick joke is that? Right now I can see that 2 of the cubes attached to windows have one, if not both of their blinds completely closed! And might I add that s-d intern is one of them. Her blinds aren't completely closed but I can guarantee she doesn't use the window to look out at the sky.
Now that I've started writing this rant I'm wondering why I can't just get over it?

Taking Lyrical Requests

V & O Whiskey. Red Zinfandel. Deadguy Ale. These are just a few of my favorites.
With 3 years in a remote Montana town and bartending as my credentials, I consider my knowledge of alcohol to be rather good. That and the fact that I've tried nearly everything.
But sadly I must report that as I age alcohol seems to be turning its back on me. I don't have the resilience to continue chugging after 4 beers, shots give me heartburn and wine puts me to sleep before I can get a good buzz. I'm starting to wonder if alcohol was only "created" to help twenty-something's reproduce?
I realize that my not-being-able-to-get-drunk-anymore-problem is not something to complain about. There are people out there trying to quit (and even more who are reading this as they recover from a night on the bathroom floor). But there's something about the ritual of drinking that I miss. Getting together with friends, having crazy/hysterical stories to reminisce about later, the camaraderie of 2 people waiting in the Taco Bell line at 2 am and most importantly - the reputation I worked so hard to deserve (how many can brag about shot-gunning a beer in a kiddy pool at a one year olds birthday party?).
Most people my age probably don't worry about this. They're probably hoping all the weed didn't make them sterile. But as someone without a definite kid-or-no-kid answer, I'm trying to figure out what to do with my time. (Suddenly Brit's "Not Yet a Woman" comes into my head.) Maybe I'll write a song called "I'm a Woman Who Doesn't Want Kids Yet but Can't Hold Her Liquor Anymore". Want to help?

Bills, bills, bills

I utterly fucked up today. Well, I realized that I utterly fucked up today. Logic and I have a system - he balances the checkbook and I pay the bills. Only I forgot to pay our credit card bill this month. And it wasn't until he asked me about it this morning that I even realized it.
So he called the bank and tried to pay over the phone in order to restore our interest rate. I'm not exactly sure what happened because I could only hear half of the conversation and I know well enough by now to leave him alone when he's angry.
It's hard to not feel like a total failure when I neglect to do something big and important like that.

Animal Testing

Now that I've given in to the carnivorous ways suggested by my doctor, I seem to be focusing my animal rights attention on a new area - animal testing.
I realize that animal testing is important for mankind to understand medicine but it seems too "top of the food chain" to me. Who are we to (for example) inject monkeys with HIV to learn more about the virus? These monkeys, that are completely healthy and oblivious to their impending doom, are now given a deadly disease so we can learn more about it to save ourselves? Something about that doesn't seem right.
This topic is fairly new to me and I'd love to hear opposing/similar views. What do you think about it?

Getting to Know Me

From Sherri, by way of swirlspice.

1. Would you rather eat ONLY Syrian food or ONLY Mexican food for the rest of your life? Mexican food for sure.
2. What's the meanest thing you've ever done? Well, until recently I was a people pleaser so I can honestly say that I avoided "mean" at all costs. Even if mean things were done to me.
3. Did you see a movie this weekend? If so, what? No
4. What's the most recent CD you purchased? Dixie Chicks - mostly to support their previous W comments.
5. If 12 hot Blogger girls put their heads together and made a calendar, would you buy it? no
6. Where did you go on your last vacation? Portland, OR. sadly
7. What defines summer in your world? zyrtec, searching for bras with skinny straps, buying skirts, jogging, lots of moments where I am closing my eyes and taking in the sunshine, more traffic, hiking, camping, trying to shove thoughts of impending winter to the back of my head.
8. What time did you get up this morning? 6:00
9. If you could be interviewed on any talk show, which one would you want to be on? Oprah
10. How many hours a day are you actually WORKING at work? probably half the day

Battle of the Sex

Reading a Helen Fielding book yesterday, I was amused by a comparison she made between "the girl's team and undercover bitches". Something that all women are aware of, and most men are oblivious to.
To translate: the two categories of women: the kind that create a sorority-type bond with other women and take the unstated contract of friendship seriously and the other - the kind of woman who uses the weaknesses of their competition to steal boyfriends/jobs/and all around amenities of life.
I have spent a good deal of time trying to understand the "undercover bitches" and their motive for being so awful. I could go on about the possibility of some need for attention because they didn't have a dad growing up, etc. but that doesn't justify their actions to me.
As many woman can attest, I think women's relationships with other women are considered "stronger" in a way that most men & women cannot boast. Solidarity, if you will.
So if women have the ability to create such tightknit relationships with each other, why do some choose the undercover bitch route?

Karmic Retribution

No, this isn't what you think... a bus didn't hit s-d intern on her way to work. (heehee)
This is my apology to the karmic gods who witnessed my tantrum earlier today. As a believer in karma, I should know better than to act so selfishly.
Maybe, just maybe, my good karma is the reason why I *didn't* get a window seat. I mean there are plenty of reasons why the window seat is less desirable than the seat I was assigned:
1) harmful UV rays
2) Relentless heat in the summer and freezing cold in the winter
3) A constant reminder that I live in Seattle and not San Diego
4) Other people making Amaya-voodoo dolls because I *did* get a window seat
5) Monitor glare (this is really just a stretch since I recently got a flat-panel monitor - which, now that I think about it might be my karmic kindness reward and I was just being naive and greedy for not appreciating that)
6) Window cleaner guys gawking at me as I patrol porn-sites (ahem, for my job! you pervs)
7) People across the courtyard won't be able to see me get a tampon out of my desk
8) Being able to take naps under my desk now
9) Being closer to my friends
10) Being closer to the stairs in case of an emergency.

Karma? Where are you?

In my department it is not uncommon to move desks/floors/buildings at least once a year. With the fast-growing company that I'm a part of, it is often due to new department development. So it came as no surprise to me that my cushy pent-house cube would not be mine for long.
Now before I continue with this story, I'd like to point out that I only got this cushy cube after someone quit and (during a rough period when panic attacks were prevalent) I talked to my boss about wanting to see the sun (not necessarily the view, but just some fucking sun) every day.
I'd also like to point out that I work in an internet based company that consists of engineers and pasty computer geeks. Most of whom like to sit at their desks in complete darkness - oblivious to the fact that they are leaning against a wall of windows. I'm sure you know where I'm going at this point. Yes, we are moving yet again and yes, I am NOT getting a window seat.
I'm sure some of you might think that I don't deserve one because I'm whining. But I need to explain that as whiney as I may seem, it is not without previously being overlooked and undermined by others that I am now so bitter.
For example: in our previous building I was assigned to sit with my department and a fellow co-worker (we'll call her she-devil) was going to be a few rows away with another section of our group. She-devil complained to our manager and ended up throwing seniority in his face so he removed me from that section and (for unforeseen reasons) put me in the "ghetto" which consisted of 6 people being crammed into a four person section w/o so much as a cubicle wall in between us. Then, when someone left the department, I was to be moved back to my group only to come to work the morning of the move and find that she-devil had moved her stuff into my new cube because it had a window and her previous cube (which she had previously taken from me) didn't.
Then, we move to our current building and I see that there is a cube that went unassigned and happened to have a window. I asked my new supervisor for the desk and came back from lunch to find that she-devil's intern (who happened to hear me ask for the spot) had gone to the supe while I was on lunch and ask for the very same desk. Would you believe that he didn't say: "I'm sorry, I already told Amaya that she could have it"?? No, he told us that we needed to decide amongst ourselves!!
My next move might surprise some of you - but it was at that point that I gave s-d intern the desk. I thought about it and decided that with my previous luck regarding window seats I wasn't going to get the desk anyway. And the thought of supe giving s-d intern the desk OVER me was too much for me to handle. At least if *I* went to s-d intern and told her she could have it I would be in control of the situation.
Did I ever get so much as a 'thank you'? Of course not.
So the reason for my whine today is not that I won't be sitting near a window, but rather that s-d intern WILL.*

P.S. It has just come to my attention that She-devil - who has been on maternity leave/bedrest since last October - also has been assigned a window seat. WTF?

*said s-d intern also happens to be one of the people who - as of yet - has never opened her blinds.

It.Just.Got.Interesting

This should be interesting - Late Night with Jay Leno is hosting two very diverse guests on Wednesday night. Ann Coulter and George Carlin are scheduled to appear on the same show. I misread the article at first and thought there would be a debate between the two guests. Could you just imagine?
As msnbc suggested - I think Jay might need a referee jersey anyhow.

Condo Checklist

I was reading eb's post which references middle girl and her habit of forming lists.
Eb goes on to make a "honey-do" list and I thought I'd write one of my own. More of a project summary really. This way I can write down all the projects that Logic and I have set to do in our condo and chronicle the progress.

1) lay maple flooring throughout most of the house
2) Install pedistal sink in the bathroom
3) Install new bath
4) re-tile bathroom floor and shower
5) tile kitchen and laundry room
6) re-tile around the fireplace
7) paint new floorboards and install
8) install new doors
9)update cupboards in the kitchen
10) convert all closets into "california" closets
11) sell the god-damned condo (profanity inserted due to assumed feeling toward condo after these tasks are completed)

Wish us luck.

Once You Go Creme Brulee You Never Go Back

Logic introduced me to creme brulee flavored creamer on Saturday. (yummy in my tummy) Not being a big fan of coffee - I'm surprised to find myself thinking about a nice hot cup o' joe as I crawl out of bed in the morning.

Welcoming a Friend

I'd like to draw some attention to a new blog -
Willow is a good friend who likes to walk the snarky line. Always amusing, always educational. I hope you enjoy...

So You Think You Can Dance?

I just want to give a shout-out to my favorite show: So You Think You Can Dance?
I find myself glued to the tv each week. I'm so addicted that I literally rearrange my social schedule to make sure I get to watch it (what's tivo?).
As a former dancer who likes to think she still can, I almost feel like I'm living the dream along with the hopefuls who sweat it out every week in the hopes of becoming a professional.
So if you haven't seen it yet and you like to boogy, you should check it out.

Mitch Hedberg

I'm not sure what possessed me to do a Mitch Hedberg search the other day, but I couldn't stop laughing as I went through my favorite quotes. In honor of Mitch, I'd like to share some with you - and hopefully help you get through the day.


-A kitten bats around a ball of yarn but what he's really saying is, "You know I can't knit, motherfucker."
-You know when they have a fishing show on TV? They catch the fish and then let it go. They don't want to eat the fish; they just want to make it late for something. "Why were you late?" "I got caught!" "Bullshit, let me see the inside of your lip!"
-When you go to a restaurant on the weekends and it's busy they start a waiting list. They start calling out names, they say "Dufrane, party of two. Dufrane, party of two." And if no one answers they'll say their name again. "Dufrane, party of two, Dufrane, party of two." But then if no one answers they'll just go right on to the next name. "Bush, party of three." Yeah, but what happened to the Dufranes? No one seems to give a shit. Who can eat at a time like this - people are missing. You fuckers are selfish... the Dufranes are in someone's trunk right now, with duct tape over their mouths. And they're hungry! That's a double whammy. We need help. Bush, search party of three! You can eat when you find the Dufranes.
-I had a bag of Fritos, but these were Texas Grilled Fritos. These Fritos had grill marks on them. Hell yeah. Reminds me of summertime, when we used to fire up the barbecue and throw down some Fritos. I can still see my dad with the apron on. "Better flip that Frito Dad, you know how I like mine: with grill marks."
-Peter Frampton is a musical legend, but I don't know any of his music. When you meet a legend, and you don't know their body of work, you have to divert from that fact. It's like: "Hey Peter Frampton... do you like... toast, too? Yes, as do I. It is warm and crispy. And a perfect place for jelly to lay. Now stay away from me, Frampton, I ain't got shit to say to you!"
-I was at a fair, and they were having a contest. It said, "Guess how many jelly beans there are in the jar" and you win a prize. "Ah c'mon, man, lemme just haaaave some. Tell you what, you guess how many I want. If you said a handful, you are right."
-I have long hair, and see, people associate long hair with drug use. I wish long hair was associated with something other than drug use, like 'an extreme longing for cake'. People would see a guy with long hair and say "damn, that fucker eats cake, he's on bundt cake". Mothers telling their daughters "don't bring the cake-eater over here anymore, he smells like flour. Did you notice how his eyes widened when he found out your birthday was fast approaching?"
-I have an oscillating fan at home; it looks like it's saying 'Noo...' so I like to ask it questions that a fan would say 'no' to. "Do you keep my hair in place?" "Do you keep my documents in order?" "Do you have three settings?" Liar! My fan fuckin' lied to me! Now I will pull the pin up. Now you ain't sayin' shit!"
-I want to be a race car passenger--just a guy who bugs the driver. "Say, man, can I turn on the radio? You should slow down. Why we gotta keep going in circles? Can I stick my feet out the window? Man, you really like Tide."
-I like an escalator because an escalator can never break. It can only become stairs. You would never see an "Escalator temporarily out-of-order" sign. Just "Escalator temporarily stairs. Sorry for the convenience." We apologize for the fact that you can still get up there.
-I was at a club and they had blacklights everywhere. A blacklight is a light that makes everyone look cool... except me, 'cause I was under the impression that the mustard stain came out.
-This shirt is dry clean only. Which means .... it's dirty.
-Some songs have a special meaning for a man in regards to a woman, but this can backfire because maybe the song had deeper meaning to begin with, but now it's been cheapened... "We are the world, we are the children, we are the ones who make a better life so let's keep on givin'." "Remember that song, baby? The night I fucked you in the pet cemetery?"
-I saw a commercial that said, "Forget everything you know about slipcovers!" ... So I did. And it was a load off my mind. Then the commercial tried to sell me slipcovers, but I didn't know what the hell they were.
-I wrote a letter to my dad. I wanted to write, "I really enjoy being here," but I accidentally wrote "rarely" instead of "really." But I still wanted to use it! I didn't want to cross it out, so I wrote, "I rarely... drive steamboats, Dad — there's a lot of shit you don't know about me. Quit trying to act like I'm a steamboat operator. This letter took a harsh turn right away. Hello, Dad." And then at the end of the letter I like to write, "P.S. — This is what part of the alphabet would look like if Q and R were eliminated.
-My friend said to me, "Man, this weather is trippy." I said to him, "No, man, it's not the weather that is trippy. Perhaps it is the way we perceive it that is indeed trippy." Then I thought, "Man, I should have just said, 'Yeah.'"
-I knew a woman who was a good friend of mine, and she gave me a friendship card that said "a friend is one of life's most beautiful gifts." On the inside were a bunch of quotes about friendship. Got me thinking that maybe I should quit stealing money out of her purse.
-I had a job interview at an insurance company once and the lady said "Where do you see yourself in five years?" I said "Celebrating the fifth year anniversary of you asking me this question."
-To do this show, I had to take a physical. They asked me a bunch of medical questions. And they were, like, yes or no questions, but they were very strangely worded. Like, "Have you ever tried sugar..... or PCP?"
-I was in Ireland. I got to drink absinthe in Ireland. Absinthe is a liquor that they outlaw. It's supposed to make you trip hallucinogenically. So I got excited because I like to hallucinate. So I started drinking lots of shots of it. But really it's just a liquor, so really I was just getting fucked up. I wasn't even remotely tripping. After 10 shots, I fell to the ground. I was trying to force the trip. "Why is the floor as low as I can go?" I was just faking it, you know.
-Whenever I walk, people try to hand me out flyers. And when someone tries to hand me out a flyer, it's kinda like they're saying, "Here, YOU throw this away."
-I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it.
-See, I'm a dreamer, man. And when I was a cook I'd always work with people who weren't dreamers. Like, I was cooking at this restaurant and I put a hot dog on the grill and my kitchen manager came over, and he said, "Mitch, put the hot dog up here, in the right hand corner of the grill, so in case you get a whole bunch of orders at once you have all this space available." See, that's how I knew he wasn't a dreamer, 'cause the day I give up my dreams is the day I have strategic grill locations. A dreamer has a philosophy: the entire grill is hot.

Naming your...

One thing you should know about me - I do NOT like Adam Carolla. I find him to be amateurish and obscenely insensitive.
I don't listen to his morning show. And I've gone so far as to say that I "boycott" anything that he's involved with because I don't want to encourage his career.
Having said that, I heard about his show yesterday. He suggested that women name their vaginas after a band. This pissed me off AND intrigued me. I'm sure his intention was sophomoric and vulgar, but it got me thinking... why haven't women done that already? Men have been naming their penis's for ages. And as much as I tried to compose myself and think of more pressing issues such as Danfur or hurricane season, I couldn't help but come up with a list of my own. So if you have the humor of a 12 year old boy - you might appreciate this:

Good names:
Kiss (very cliche, I know)
Flaming Lips (that is one that Logic came up with)
Cake
Better than Ezra
Pearl Jam (ha!)
Red Hot Chili Pepper
Keane
Oasis
TLC
Trick Pony
Interpol - this one is my favorite
Boyz II Men
Sugarland
Naughty By Nature
Sublime
Queen
Simply Red
Bush
Nirvana

For my lesbian friends out there:
Jane's Addiction
Marcy Playground

Some that almost work:
Barenaked Ladies
Goo Goo Dolls (ew)

Names not to give your vagina:
NOFX
Foo Fighter
Weezer (heh)
Ok Go
Death Cab for Cutie
Gorillaz
Jagged Edge
Blues Traveler
Guns N Roses
Hootie and the Blowfish - actually this one is just funny
House of Pain
Nine Inch Nails
Garbage
Hinder
U2
Matchbox 20
The Used
Nitty Gritty Dirt Band
Outkast
Smashing Pumpkins
They Might Be Giants
Take 6
Violent Femmes
Nappy Roots
Hoobastank
Next
Finger 11
Hole
Alien Ant Farm
Flogging Molly
Crazy Town
Terror Squad
Poison
Fatboy Slim

Okay, so I got a little carried away. But it was fun. Any other ideas?