June 29, 2007
Exersize
By the time I came around, she had found her niche as an aerobics instructor.
Some of my very first memories are of lying on an exercise mat in my pink leotard and black tights, listening to my mom guide everyone through a 'cool down'.
For a long time she worked for a woman named Kris but after we moved from Idaho she did freelance work for different studios/schools. She named her classes Exersize by Jan and even had t-shirts made up.
It was because of this that during a 3rd grade spelling bee I misspelled exercise. I remember the moment very specifically. We were going around the room taking turns spelling the words assigned to us. The teacher got to me and when she asked me to spell exercise I was literally beaming! "I've got this!" I thought to myself. But when I go to the 's' I was cut off and the word was passed along to the person behind me.
I was was upset. Not that people in my class thought I couldn't spell exercise, but because I felt like I'd been mislead by my mom. It took me a long time to realize she was doing a play on words. She wasn't trying to sabotage my spelling abilities after all.
June 28, 2007
No More Therapy Thursdays
For many months I've been considering it but I've become attached to this woman. She was my first. I learned what therapy was with her. Opening up to her in a way I'd never done before; pouring my soul out every week for over a year.
Slowly but surely, over the last few months I started noticing little changes in our time together. I would talk about something and when I mentioned it the next week I'd have to summarize everything to remind her. It was all give and no take.
Then I read this post. Aaryn took the words right out of my mouth (sort of). Granted, I didn't change therapists and I am on medication, but you get the gist.
When I finished reading "One Long Angry Sentence Of A Question" I decided to go over the pros and cons of staying with my current psychologist:
Pros:
She knows me (Unless you take into consideration the fact that she never listens, then she probably doesn't know me all that well.)
She is covered by my insurance
At this point I was surprised to find a lack of pros. So I went over the cons.
Cons:
She doesn't listen
She doesn't give constructive help
She keeps up a very high wall, not allowing me to know anything about her opinions/self
She doesn't get me
I don't feel like I can tell her everything that I'm thinking/feeling without a certain level of judgement
She makes a mock sympathy face that irritates the shit out of me
She didn't give a good first-impression (I should have stayed with my gut instinct.)
Pretty cut and dry really. So it was just a matter of time before I realized my feelings weren't going to change and that I needn't feel bad about cutting the cord with her. After all, therapy is supposed to be about ME.
All week I was fretting over my upcoming session and how I was going to handle the breakup. But yesterday, when my schedule became more complicated, I decided I just needed to do it. So instead of the heartfelt farewell I had been practicing, I left her a voicemail saying I wanted to take some time off. At first I felt bad about doing it over the phone but then I realized I was worrying about her again. And I knew I'd made the right decision.
June 27, 2007
Hump Day Distraction
Here's what mine said:
Your past life diagnosis:
You were female in your last earthly incarnation.You were born somewhere in the territory of modern Korea around the year 650. Your profession was that of a warrior, hunter, fisherman or executor of sacrifices.
Your brief psychological profile in your past life:
You were a sane, practical person, a materialist with no spiritual consciousness. Your simple wisdom helped the weaker and the poor.
The lesson that your last past life brought to your present incarnation:
You should develop your talent for love, happiness and enthusiasm and you should distribute these feelings to all people.
June 26, 2007
The Thing Is
-When I spend time with family it's as if everything is right in the world, and yet part of me prefers the less-than-perfect rest of my life.
-Vacation can sometimes be more exhausting than my typical routine.
-As much as I like my therapist, I think I need to let her go. I can't let my emotions get in the way. -I've only heard one person say they like Paris Hilton and yet magazines/tv/radio continue to report her every move. Someone has to be encouraging this shit.
-I want to set myself up for success and know that moving closer to UW will make my commute to school much more manageable, but I'm really going to miss my condo on Alki. We've put so much work into it. Plus, there's nothing like waking up and walking to the Puget Sound with a cup of coffee.
June 22, 2007
All I Can Say Is WOW!
The Beatles, The Rolling Stones, Stevie Wonder. All of them are icons in their own right. But in the world of dance, there is only one.
Pet Peeve #96
There's nothing worse than having a migraine and finding solitude somewhere only to shudder when someone walks by with their sandals grazing the carpet.
June 21, 2007
Fireworks
Niece #2: "Hello?!? The fourth of July is Independence day!"
June 20, 2007
Love/Hate Relationship
I love flowers. Not to the point where I want a bouquet in my house every day (possibly due to the constant sneezing that would ensue) but for the sole purpose of marveling at their beauty in their natural state. My favorite flowers are lilacs. The house I lived in from birth until age six had a large lilac tree in the back yard and I have some very fond memories of living life with the lingering fragrance of lilacs in bloom. Due to my age and what my life consisted of, it also reminds me of my mom. Two years ago I bought my very own lilac dwarf-bush and have enjoyed watching it bloom on my deck every spring.
I love warm weather. The kind that requires you to slow down and reflect. There is no such thing as rushing when the weather is nice. Everything is done in a leisurely fashion so as to enjoy every morsel of it.
I love the activities that come along with warm weather. Sunbathing is at the top of my list. Not that I have the skin-type for it, but I love the way heat penetrates through my skin and dries my swimsuit in record time. I love snorkeling. I've only gone once, but it was a lot of fun. So was white water rafting, the one time I did that. I love going on hikes and exploring new areas. I love the fresh produce that comes with warm weather. And drinking gatorade and smoothies and eating ice cream.
But most of all, I love seeing the sun. Seattle has a reputation for rain but in all honesty it doesn't rain a lot here. More often that not it's overcast. Until living here, I didn't realize how important the sun was to me. But on day number 3 without it, I get stir crazy. So when summer arrives and the sun is in tow, my mood shifts to a notch that the people around me are grateful for. I feel like myself again.
But with sunshine and flowers come pollen, mold, dust and weeds.
I have come to realize that my allergies are their worst in the Northwest. All the moisture is what kills me. But along with the moisture come the best things about this season. So I choose to dope up on Zyrtec and Flonase and suffer in silence because damnit! I can't let something like itchy eyes, a sore throat and constant sneezing keep me from enjoying my favorite season.
June 19, 2007
Miss Greek
One of the first few times I noticed her, I was with my friend Daniel. He also noticed that she was always there and we began calling her Miss Greek, based on the sorority shirts she often wore.
Since that time months ago, she has consistently stayed on that one particular machine and she always takes control of the t.v. in front of her. At first we talked about her because she was bitchy. Always needing to be in control of the t.v. and yelling at anyone who tried to change the channel. But since then it has grown into concern.
I, too, am a frequent 'ciser' (as Logic would call it, in his typical abbreviated form) but she is there all the time. I even saw her there at 7:00 on Monday. Typically she arrives at 4:00!
Should I be worried that she works out for hours every day? And is withering away? Is it my place to say anything to the staff?
What would you do in that situation?
June 18, 2007
Funny Headline of the Day
~actual article found here.
Trying to Formulate My Thoughts
I hope to get somethings down on "paper" soon. Right now the things I'm trying to formulate are:
-Soul mates. Not in the lovie-dovie sense, but rather being at the right place at the right time to be with the person who is going to help you be your best self. Instigated by a wonderful weekend with Logic. Okay, and also a love story. (Yes, I listened to the ebook of The Notebook again. Don't judge me.)
-Being the only girl at a party of nearly 30 people and only having the attention of one man, my husband.
-Paige coming to visit at the end of the month with her munchkins, sans her husband. That means I'll need to step up and help out more than I typically do.
-The trip to Utah in my near future.
-The fact that my booty continues to get bigger the more I exercise. This is completely new to me.
-Strange friendships including Pandora who called me incessantly until finally giving up and leaving a message in which she asked if I could burn her some cds. What a weird thing to ask.
This also gets me thinking about other friendships I have and how I've grown to really need my space. It's been a difficult thing to get used to because I feel like I'm blowing people off. But I don't require as much social interaction as I used to. Another thing that is completely new to me.
June 14, 2007
Sandra Sturtz Hauss
THESE ARE MY WISHES FOR YOU
May you find serenity and tranquility
in a world you may not always understand.
May the pain you have known
and the conflict you have experienced
give you the strength to walk through life
facing each new situation with courage and optimism.
Always know that there are those
whose love and understanding will always be there,
even when you feel most alone.
May a kind word,
a reassuring touch,
and a warm smile
be yours every day of your life,
and may you give these gifts
as well as receive them.
May the teachings of those you admire
become part of you,
so that you may call upon them.
Remember, those whose lives you have touched
and who have touched yours
are always a part of you,
even if the encounters were less than you would have wished.
It is the content of the encounter
that is more important than its form.
May you not become too concerned with material matters,
but instead place immeasurable value
on the goodness in your heart.
Find time in each day to see beauty and love
in the world around you.
Realize that what you feel you lack in one regard
you may be more than compensated for in another.
What you feel you lack in the present
may become one of your strengths in the future.
May you see your future as one filled with promise and possibility.
Learn to view everything as a worthwhile experience.
May you find enough inner strength
to determine your own worth by yourself,
and not be dependent
on another's judgment of your accomplishments.
May you always feel loved.
June 12, 2007
My Very First Kiss
This time it was under his bunk bed. The bedding dropped to the floor, protecting us from the light and from getting caught. I remember it well. Even then, it was a surge of energy. At such a young age, I felt a spark. Right as we kissed his brother lifted up the comforter to find us and then scurried through the house, trying to find his mom so he could tell on us. I don't remember getting in trouble, but if I did it was worth it.
June 11, 2007
Adulthood
When he finished talking to his mom, Logic suggested we finish our walk. This time we headed south and I remembered to bring my trusty camera. We started out along the water and soon made our way up a major hill to the top of Alki. Once there, we continued on up another large hill and past the junior high. At that point, I suggested we walk to the high school because I'd been wanting to take pictures of that. We headed west until I was content with my pictures and then made the ascension back down the hills. By the time we got home, it was already 3:00 in the afternoon! We grabbed some gatorade and watched Mary Poppins.
It was a really great day!
It wasn't until I read this post that I realized how much I've changed in the last few years. Had this been a perfect Sunday just three years ago, I would have slept until 1:00, had leftover pizza, and recovered from my hangover while watching MTV all afternoon. How quickly things change. I wonder what my ideal Sunday will be 3 years from now?
Maya Angelou
invent ourselves daily. If a person does not invent
herself, she will be invented. So, to be bodacious
enough to invent ourselves is wise.”
June 07, 2007
Happy Birthday Logic
Training Led Me To Drink... Caffeine
I saw this as an opportunity to feel engaged and busy for a few weeks. I didn't take into consideration how much talking I would need to do. Now, for anyone who knows me this may come as a shock, but in recent years I've mellowed out a bit and no longer need to explain every detail of my day to anyone who will listen. (This blog may have something to do with that, but I digress.) When I'm at work, I like to listen to my music or the news, etc. It gives me focus and sets the tone for my day.
But when I'm training, I have to structure my day in a completely different way. Slowing everything to down to explain, answering questions I don't necessarily have answers to and trying to put the 'first-day-jitters' at ease. It's exhausting, damnit!
The first few days I dragged my feet through the threshold of my condo and spent the next few hours searching for the energy to fix dinner and pack my lunch for the next day before crawling into bed an hour earlier than usual. It was on day three that I finally put two and two together. "Doh! It's the training that's making me so tired!" And it's because of this training that I'm off the wagon. Caffeine is the only thing getting me through the day at this point.
Oh sweet White Chocolate Mocha! How I love thee!
June 04, 2007
Template number 2,986
The last template, as beautiful as it was, just didn't give me the warm & fuzzies. So I present you with the next in a long line of great shots found on flickr.
June 02, 2007
A Week of Celebrity Sightings
It was Thursday evening and Logic, Daniel and I were enjoying a light dinner at the Icon Grille adjacent to the Westin Hotel. Daniel was mid-sentence when suddenly his voice went up an octave and he asked: "Is that Austin Scarlett from Project Runway?". As Logic and I turned to face the street, we saw a skinny blonde man dressed so elegantly, so sophisticated that there was no doubt in our minds that it was indeed him. From the designer jeans to the ascot around his neck, Austin stood out in the crowd. Had we been outside, I'm sure Daniel and I would have chased after him screaming: "Was Wendy Pepper as bitchy as they made her out to be?" and "Tell me the truth, Tim Gunn is just as adorable in person, isn't he?"
Luckily for him, we were tucked into a booth in the middle of the bar and had no way of catching up to him, had we chosen to try.
We all giggled and shared our favorite Project Runway stories as we continued to scan the street in the hopes of catching another glimpse. But food was consumed, wine drank and the bill paid without any further signs of all things Austin.
The next morning at work, I proceeded to tell everyone I knew about my 'encounter' with celebrity. It wasn't until things settled down that I decided to skim the local paper for the day's top stories.
"Barack Comes to Seattle" caught my attention. He would be campaigning literally two blocks from my office and I quickly calculated how I could alter my plans and try to attend. After a thorough search I learned that the tickets were sold out, so I proceeded to go about my day knowing I would miss his visit.
I left work at 3:30 for the gym and had a great workout. Feeling energized, I decided to leave my iPod on and walk to Logic's office. Well, Logic happened to be waiting for me outside of the gym since his office let out early, but since I never put my iPod in my bag I didn't notice his calls. It wasn't until I was within two blocks of his office that I felt my gym bag vibrate. Logic had called three times AND left a text message. Oops!
I immediately called him back and informed him that I had already made it to his building. So after all his effort, he still had to come back to work and pick me up.
A few minutes had passed since our phone call and I was searching the intersection for our car. I saw flashing lights and waiting for the inevitable commotion. Only this wasn't a routine ticket. The flashing lights were coming from a large black police truck, and instead of pulling someone over, the truck blocked the intersection and waited for a procession of five black SUVs to turn down Virginia. As the third SUV was approaching the turn, I spotted a handsome man peering out the back window. His posture was regal and his smile friendly. Before I knew it, the procession had passed and I was left wondering: "was that who I think it was?". When Logic finally arrived I could barely contain my excitement. "I think I just saw Barack!"
He joked that I'd probably run into Al Gore the next day, since he was in town promoting his book.
I haven't seen him yet, but I will be downtown later this afternoon. I'll let you know if I do.
June 01, 2007
Are You SoCal or Seattle?
I find this very intriguing. First off, I've never met anyone like her before. Second, I am the absolute opposite. SoCal is where my dreams reside. Sunshine all day is heaven to me.
What side of the discussion do you relate to? Are you SoCal or Seattle?