June 28, 2007

No More Therapy Thursdays

I broke up with my therapist yesterday.
For many months I've been considering it but I've become attached to this woman. She was my first. I learned what therapy was with her. Opening up to her in a way I'd never done before; pouring my soul out every week for over a year.
Slowly but surely, over the last few months I started noticing little changes in our time together. I would talk about something and when I mentioned it the next week I'd have to summarize everything to remind her. It was all give and no take.
Then I read this post. Aaryn took the words right out of my mouth (sort of). Granted, I didn't change therapists and I am on medication, but you get the gist.
When I finished reading "One Long Angry Sentence Of A Question" I decided to go over the pros and cons of staying with my current psychologist:

Pros:
She knows me (Unless you take into consideration the fact that she never listens, then she probably doesn't know me all that well.)
She is covered by my insurance

At this point I was surprised to find a lack of pros. So I went over the cons.

Cons:
She doesn't listen
She doesn't give constructive help
She keeps up a very high wall, not allowing me to know anything about her opinions/self
She doesn't get me
I don't feel like I can tell her everything that I'm thinking/feeling without a certain level of judgement
She makes a mock sympathy face that irritates the shit out of me
She didn't give a good first-impression (I should have stayed with my gut instinct.)

Pretty cut and dry really. So it was just a matter of time before I realized my feelings weren't going to change and that I needn't feel bad about cutting the cord with her. After all, therapy is supposed to be about ME.
All week I was fretting over my upcoming session and how I was going to handle the breakup. But yesterday, when my schedule became more complicated, I decided I just needed to do it. So instead of the heartfelt farewell I had been practicing, I left her a voicemail saying I wanted to take some time off. At first I felt bad about doing it over the phone but then I realized I was worrying about her again. And I knew I'd made the right decision.

3 comments:

The Guy Who Writes This said...

Have you asked friends who they use? Even in our small community there is good and bad. Some don't give a crap and some will answer your page at 2am.

Amaya said...

Hi Guy,
I did ask around before seeing a therapist and sadly didn't find anyone who could recommend someone worth seeing.
Plus, I've come to realize how important it is to have a connection with your therapist, and no recommendation can guarantee that. I just need to do some homework, talk to some therapists over the phone to get a feel for them, and go from there.
Summers are always easy for me so I have a few months to review my options.
Thanks for the suggestion.

Gail Peck said...

I'm proud of you for making such a big step. Maybe you'll be just fine with only the medication. It was a beautifully written account of your turmoil. You are indeed growing up.