Pay It Forward

Did you watch Oprah's season premiere this year? If you did, you saw that her yearly surprise was not to give cars to everyone in the audience. Instead she chose to 'pay it forward'. She gave everyone in her audience $1000 with the understanding that they would, in turn, give it to someone else.
Some people sat in grocery store parking lots and gave cash to strangers, others donated to their favorite cause. But even as I watched the show and saw how inspired some of the people were, I couldn't decide what I would do if given that opportunity.
Last night I figured it out.
Logic and I have had a movie sitting on our t.v. for a few weeks now. With all the renovation and family visits we haven't had time to relax and watch much of anything. But last night we finally sat down to watch An Inconvenient Truth.
If you haven't seen the movie, I would highly recommend it - regardless of your political affiliation. If you've seen it, I would highly recomment that you tell someone to see it.
If I had a thousand dollars to give away, I would buy 50 copies of that movie and give them to strangers. And hope that after they watched it, they would pass it along until everyone had seen it.

New Years

I once heard that whomever you find yourself with on midnight of New Years Eve will be a significant person in your life throughout the following year. Since I consider myself somewhat superstitious (not sure I believe in superstitions, but try to follow them just in case they're real), I try to set my evening up accordingly.
In the past I haven't always been successful in being with the people I'd prefer to spend the next year with. There were times when hard partying got in the way. And others where geography was a problem. But this year I have the opportunity to spend the evening with Logic, Paige and her family and my parents.
I'm putting a lot of importance on being with all of them this New Year. Probably setting myself up for disappointment but hey, if the superstition isn't true at least I get to spend New Years Eve with some of my favorite people!

No, My Husband Doesn't Beat Me. I Really Did Fall Down The Stairs.

It was Friday afternoon and we finally reached the rental car office. My dad and I were ascending the parking garage when sirens and lights started flashing. We parked on the 6th floor and as we stepped out of my car a loud voice came over the intercom: "an emergency has been reported. please evacuate the building immediately!"
We headed for the stairwell and hurried down the stairs. Lights were alternating colors and the sirens were still in full force. As we turned the corner near the 4th floor I misstepped and my left heel caught my right cuff. I searched for the railing. Nothing.
As I dove head-first down the flight of stairs I instinctively curled up and protected my head. In the moment I felt like a stunt double in an action-packed adventure. But when my body hit the landing I realized this was no movie.
My dad rushed down the stairs and helped me to my feet. We reached the street to find the entire block being evacuated. We saw a hotel a few blocks away and pushed through the crowd.
After reaching the hotel I made my way to the lady's room and stopped in front of the mirror. My knees were bleeding and I was already starting to bruise on my legs. I also had a small bump forming above my right eyebrow but other than that I seemed to be in good shape.
I finished cleaning up and returned to my dad. We left the hotel and saw that the parking garage was no longer on lock-down. We shuffled back up the street and rented our car.
It wasn't until I got home and saw my mom that I started to cry. The realization of what could have happened came rushing down my face.

Quirks

In the hopes that this blog will stir some creative juices, I've decided to copy Lachlan and list 6 of my quirks.

1) I have to close my closet door before I go to sleep. Otherwise, I will wake up and make boogy-monsters out of a coat, some skis and a box of books.
2) I like things to be symmetrical. As an example: if I do sit ups with my feet in the air and one leg is crossing the other, I have to stop halfway through and switch my legs.
3) I'm not sure where this one comes from ~ I prefer to do chores when no one else is around. I can't decide if it's because I don't want a critique or if I prefer to make it look effortless.
4) I often do ballet exercises in my living room when no one is around.
5) I like to steal clothes from my dad and wear them until they're rags.
6) I have a favorite spoon. Here's where it gets interesting: I refuse to use it everytime because I don't want to wear it out. But whenever I randomly pick it out of the drawer I get excited.

Backfire

Paige and I pride ourselves on giving good gifts. We slave over lists, the internet, and more lists until we're convinced that the recipient will be pleased with what we got for them.
We don't expect everyone else to work as dilligently as we do, but we expect some effort. And the idea of family members not getting gifts due to another's lack of initiative has led us to extend our efforts for other members of the family.
It wasn't until last year that we realized our other 2 sisters were taking advantage of the situation and waiting for us to do their shopping for them. This angered both of us and we decided not to help them out this year. With the exception of having them go in on one gift with me, I deliberately made sure to do the rest of my shopping with only me in mind. I thought I'd handled the situation rather well, even referring them to each other in the hopes that they'd work on things themselves.
But yesterday, as my Mom and I were in Pier One we received a call from not just one, but both holiday-shopping-impaired sisters asking mom to help them with their gift giving. And since Mom is in Seattle with me, I will be helping her help my sister's give gifts. How did this happen?

What Upsets Me More Than Anything

I am a very empathetic person. I feel other people's emotions as if they were my own. This has been a burden all my life. And a great source of anxiety for me.
Recently I've been making a conscious effort to seperate myself from other people's emotions and to try and focus on what *I* am feeling. But today I had a relapse.
I'd been doing so well. On the drive home from work I could hear about Logic's stressful day without it affecting my mood. I could even read the news again without getting worked up. But when I spoke to my brother this morning I couldn't help but get upset.
To give you a little backstory, Kihl was adopted from Korea when he was 5. He witnessed his mother's death and remembers being abandoned by his father. Moving to America wasn't much easier. He grew up in a small town in Idaho where his peers thought it was funny to call him racial names.
I don't blame him for being edgy and closed off. But as much as I understand his resentment for what he went through, I get fed up when he decides to take it out on our parents.
Kihl is 10 years older than I am. He is a responsible person. He has a nice apartment close to downtown that is bigger than my condo. And yet he never offers to have our parents stay with him when they visit. In fact, in the 3 times they've been here, they haven't even seen his place. He typically stops by my place to say hi and occassionally takes our parents out to dinner. But that is the extent of it. So when my parents suggested coming to the Northwest for Christmas I immediately knew we would need to push our renovations into fast-forward.
I have no problem with that. I love having my parents around and cherish any time I get to spend with them. As the weeks turned into days and our cement flooring turned into maple, Logic and I got increasingly excited to show my parents all the work we've put into our place.
Since Kihl has Tuesdays off, the plan was to have him pick our parents up at the airport around 3:00. Logic and I would meet up with them at a restaurant downtown for a 7:oo reservation and then take them home with us afterward. This would give me time to work a few extra hours while they spent time with Kihl and Logic would be able to attend his office holiday party.
So when I received a call from Kihl this morning, I was expecting a brief update about our dinner reservation. But instead, he mentioned dropping our parents off at my condo straight from the airport. I honestly thought he was kidding because this is typical humor for him. But when my mom called from the San Francisco Airport to confirm that their next flight was on time she mentioned that she'd see me when I got home.
Surprised to hear that, I had to get confirmation from her that Kihl was serious about taking them to my empty condo. She reiterated his story, only with pain in her voice. I suggested that he may have been kidding, but if he wasn't that I'd leave work and head home to greet them.
Our phone call ended and I went back to work. Only I couldn't concentrate. My mom's voice kept repeating in my head. I could feel how upset she was. The kind of pain you feel when your child hurts you.
I called Logic because I was upset. Then he got upset. Not only did he hate the idea of them sitting at our place by themselves but he resented the fact that he'd worked so hard on our place and wasnt' even going to get the reward of seeing their faces when they got there. He asked that I call Kihl back and confirm the plans so we could make alternate arrangements if necessary.
So I called Kihl.
I said: "were you serious about dropping Mom and Dad off at my condo straight for the airport?" Kihl: "yeah. I thought they might like to relax and freshen up before dinner."
me: "you think our parents would rather sit in an empty condo than spend an afternoon with you? they came up here to see you too, you know?"
Kihl: "if you don't want me to take them to your place I won't."
me: "I don't want you to. But if you are too busy to spend time with them, you could drop them off at my office because I would be more than happy to hang out with them."
Kihl: "okay, well I'll figure something out."
me: "will you call me when you know what you're doing?"
Kihl: "okay, bye."
As I got off the phone, I could feel the tears welling up and my face getting hotter.
He can stand me up all he wants. Make an effort to spend the holidays with his girlfriend's family, and not ours. Whatever. But don't be a jerk to our parents.

Suppose I Never Met You

Logic: Would I still have moved to Portland after high school? Would I still be out partying and on a path of self-destruction? How would I have learned about love? And how it feels to be respected? Would I have become a nanny and gone off to college right away? Would I (gasp) have stayed in Montana? (I don't think so... just being hypothetical, you know). Would we have met later on in life? And if so, would we have liked each other? Been in a position to be together?
I sure hope so. Thank you for being my husband.

Paige: I would have been 10 years younger than my closest sibling and could have virtually been raised as an only child. You were the reason I wanted to do and be. Your opinion mattered most to me. Who would I have looked up to if I didn't know you? Would my view of the world be the same? Afterall, because of you (and I guess, partially Tom) I was aware of the world, not just my corner of it, at a very young age. Would I be close to our family? The age seperation seems extreme without you to balance us out. Thank you for being my sister.

Renee: What would high school have been like? If you hadn't surprised me by coming by with your new car, would I have gotten out of my depression? Would I have continued to gain weight if you hadn't kept me so busy? Would I have ever dated Steve? Gone to Cecil's funeral? Met Daniel (with whom I am also still good friends with)? I'm glad I'll never know. Thank you for being my friend.

Kelly: I wouldn't be blogging today. You introduced me to blogging and reminded me how much I enjoy writing. Thank you.

The Best News I've Ever Heard

My parents are flying in on Tuesday and will be staying with Logic and I for 4 days. We live in a one bedroom condo that is approximately 650 square feet. It's a little "cozy" for the 2 of us, but we've grown accustomed to it and find that we really don't need any more space. That is, unless we have company.
We typically give our bedroom to whomever is staying with us so they can have some privacy and be somewhat isolated from our daily routines. My parents will refuse this. They will end up sleeping on our air mattress in the dining room.
The sleeping arrangements most likely won't affect them much. They wake at the crack of dawn and enjoy pampering their kids. I'm sure I'll wake up to fresh coffee, hot pancakes and newly starched clothing. Not to mention a good back scratch from my dad and a cheerful "good morning!" and a kiss on the forehead from my mom.
Even though they are the most accommodating people, I want to make sure they are comfortable. And due to a recent storm (which I'm sure you have heard about) I was concerned that they'd be sleeping in a corner next to our yet-to-be-installed kitchen sink and piles of maple flooring.
When the storm hit I wasn't so much concerned about having to eat jerky for a few days or huddling next to the fire, but how we were going to manage to get the house in order without our power tools. Our bedroom was still empty. No furniture, no flooring. And our kitchen didn't have any counters or (as I previously stated) a sink.
Luckily, Logic was able to install the counter before the power went out but the bedroom was still vacant. The power went out around 11:00 on Thursday night and reluctantly came back on Saturday afternoon. So for 2 days we sat in anticipation. Yesterday morning Logic finally had enough. He decided he would start to lay the maple in our bedroom and customize the panels by sawing them by hand. In the meantime, knowing I couldn't do much to help, I decided to go to the gym.
As I was walking down the street from my car I got a text message saying "POWER!".
That had to be the best news I've ever heard! I cannot tell you how relieved I was to know we still had a fighting chance of getting things done before Tuesday.

~ as a footnote: I did continue to remind myself that we were still very fortunate. Even without power, we had a roof over our heads and said roof did not have a tree in it.

Would You Believe?

Fark.com had a link to 2spare.com that outlined some very strange coincidences. These were some of my favorites:

Mark Twain was born on the day of the appearance of Halley's Comet in 1835, and died on the day of its next appearance in 1910. He himself predicted this in 1909, when he said: "I came in with Halley's Comet in 1835. It is coming again next year, and I expect to go out with it."

In 1979, the German magazine - Das Besteran - ran a writing competition. Readers sent in unusual stories, but they had to be based on true incidents. The winner, Walter Kellner of Munich, had his story published . He wrote about a time when he was flying a Cessna 421 between Sardinia and Sicily. He encountered engine trouble at sea, landed in the water, spent some time in an emergency dinghy and was then rescued. This story was spotted by an Austrian, also named Walter Kellner, who said that the German Kellner had plagiarized the story. The Austrian Kellner said that he had flown a Cessna 421 over the same sea, experienced engine trouble and was forced to land in Sardinia. It was essentially the same story, with a slightly different ending. The magazine checked both stories, and both turned out to be true, even though they were nearly identical.

On July 28th 1900, the King of Italy Umberto I was having dinner in a restaurant in the city of Monza. It turned out later that the restaurant's owner looked identical to the king. The restaurant owner's name was Umberto, his wife's name was the same as the queen's and the restaurant was opened on the same date as the king's inauguration. The Restaurant-owner Umberto was shot dead the next day. So was King Umberto.

On the 26th November, 1911, three men were hanged at Greenberry Hill in London after being convicted of the murder of Sir Edmund Berry. Their names were Green, Berry and Hill.

The British actor Anthony Hopkins [who shot to fame as Hannibal Lecter] was delighted to hear that he had landed a leading role in a film based on the book The Girl From Petrovka by George Feifer. A few days after signing the contract, Hopkins travelled to London to buy a copy of the book. He tried several bookshops, but there wasn't one to be had. Waiting at Leicester Square underground for his train home, he noticed a book apparently discarded on a bench. Incredibly, it was The Girl From Petrovka. That in itself would have been coincidence enough but in fact it was merely the beginning of an extraordinary chain of events. Two years later, in the middle of filming in Vienna, Hopkins was visited by George Feifer, the author. Feifer mentioned that he did not have a copy of his own book. He had lent the last one - containing his own annotations - to a friend who had lost it somewhere in London. With mounting astonishment, Hopkins handed Feifer the book he had found. 'Is this the one?' he asked, 'with the notes scribbled in the margins?' It was the same book.

A British officer, Major Summerford, while fighting in the fields of Flanders in February 1918 was knocked off his horse by a flash of lightning and paralyzed from the waist down. Summerford retired and moved to Vancouver. One day in 1924, as he fished alongside a river, lightning hit the tree he was sitting under and paralyzed his right side. Two years later Summerford was sufficiently recovered that he was able to take walks in a local park. He was walking there one summer day in 1930 when a lightning bolt smashed into him, permanently paralyzing him. He died two years later. But lightning sought him out one last time. Four years later, during a storm, lightning struck a cemetery and destroyed a tombstone. The deceased buried here? Major Summerford.

In 1899 a bolt of lightning killed a man as he stood in his backyard in Taranto, Italy.
Thirty years later his son was killed in the same way and in the same place.
On October 8, 1949, Rolla Primarda, the grandson of the first victim and the son of the second, became the third.

~thank you 2spare

Highway to Heaven

There was a show called Highway to Heaven that was on in the mid-80s. It featured Michael Landon and Victor French as best friends who solved people's problems. Oh yeah, and Michael's character was an angel.
This was one of my favorite shows. I even thought about buying the dvds recently but decided the show is better in my memory. (I have a feeling I wouldn't like it too much if I saw it now.)
But like I said, I loved that show! I can remember most of the epidodes. There was one where a family adopted a child from Asia only to later discover she was biologically linked to her adoptive father. The show focused on racial differences and dealing with prejudice.
This was the basis for most of the shows. It was like an After School Special on crack (wait! that's the tagline for Strangers with Candy. Nevermind.) There was always a lesson in the show. Either I'd learn about overcoming racism or what it would be like for a man to inhabit a woman's body (I don't lie). But the episode that sticks out most in my mind is when Johnathon (Landon's character) and Mark(French's character) were helping an elderly woman. She was having hysterical fits - claiming to have a snake in her toilet. Only, whenever someone came over to look for a snake they couldn't find anything.
Well, there's a scene where Victor's character is calming her down after she claims to see the snake and he has his back to the toilet. Something catches his eye and he turns around to see the snake slithering out of the toilet toward him.
I must have been about 6 when I saw that episode. It was the kind of show that my parents approved of because of it's religious base but I don't think they anticipated the kind of fear that epidosde would evoke.
For months afterward I would refuse to go to the bathroom by myself. At first my family appeased me but after a while no one was willing to follow me into the bathroom just to make sure a snake wasn't in the toilet. So I had to resort to other means of protection. Like constantly stopping to jump up and look in the toilet. Eventually I calmed down and only turned around occasionally to make sure the coast was still clear. But this fear stuck with me for years.
I even did research on the subject. I learned that snakes have been known to get into septic tanks in rural areas but that the odds of having a snake getting in your toilet are very slim. This only alliviated my fears slightly. After all, I go camping a good deal and have been known to visit Montana. But for the most part, this fear is no longer a part of my daily life.
Then I read this.

Sentimental

A scent in the air. A song. The taste of something. All these things can trigger memories. One small thing can bring me right back to a time and place I've been before.
Today I am wearing a lush wool scarf that probably weighs 5 pounds. It's a mixture of caramel and cream and has tassles at the bottom. It is the thickest, longest scarf I have ever seen and it keeps me as warm as a sweater.
I get a lot of compliments on it. Either because people can tell that it was made by hand or because they wish they were as warm. But when I see this scarf it takes me back to living in Jacksonville. Yes, this scarf reminds me of Florida. And here's why:
I was working at Citibank. My cube was in a large room with about 50 other employees. The cube walls were low so I could see people from aisles away. During the early morning or the late evening (depending on which shift I was working) I could talk to Jaime about her cartoon drawings or to Donna about her daughter's wedding. I made some friends there, all of whom I learned a lot from but it wasn't everyday that someone went out of their way to show me they cared too.
I was preparing for a holiday trip to Oregon and thought it would be fun to knit a scarf for myself. I brought the yarn into work one morning and as I tried to follow the instructions and loop the yarn I was brutally reminded that I am not crafty. I tried and tried again with no luck. Finally, after about 20 minutes of pretending I gave up.
Donna noticed that I was having difficulty and we started talking about knitting. She was a typical grandma in the sense that she liked to nurture and spent much of her time doing things for others. She could sense my frustration and offered to make my scarf for me.
Looking back I should have put up more of a fight. Her gesture was a big one. She must have spent a week straight working on that scarf. When she brought it into work I hope the look on my face showed her how much I appreciated it. It was the most beautiful scard I'd ever seen.

33 Names of Things You Never Knew had Names

1. AGLET - The plain or ornamental covering on the end of a shoelace.
2. ARMSAYE - The armhole in clothing.
3. CHANKING - Spat-out food, such as rinds or pits.
4. COLUMELLA NASI - The bottom part of the nose between the nostrils.
5. DRAGÉES - Small beadlike pieces of candy, usually silver-coloured, used for decorating cookies, cakes and sundaes.
6. FEAT - A dangling curl of hair.
7. FERRULE - The metal band on a pencil that holds the eraser in place.
8. HARP - The small metal hoop that supports a lampshade.
9. HEMIDEMISEMIQUAVER - A 64th note. (A 32nd is a demisemiquaver, and a 16th note is a semiquaver.)
10. JARNS,
11. NITTLES,
12. GRAWLIX,
13. and QUIMP - Various squiggles used to denote cussing in comic books.
14. KEEPER - The loop on a belt that keeps the end in place after it has passed through the buckle.
15. KICK or PUNT - The indentation at the bottom of some wine bottles. It gives added strength to the bottle but lessens its holding capacity.
16. LIRIPIPE - The long tail on a graduate's academic hood.
17. MINIMUS - The little finger or toe.
18. NEF - An ornamental stand in the shape of a ship.
19. OBDORMITION - The numbness caused by pressure on a nerve; when a limb is `asleep'.
20. OCTOTHORPE - The symbol `#' on a telephone handset. Bell Labs' engineer Don Macpherson created the word in the 1960s by combining octo-, as in eight, with the name of one of his favourite athletes, 1912 Olympic decathlon champion Jim Thorpe.
21. OPHRYON - The space between the eyebrows on a line with the top of the eye sockets.
22. PEEN - The end of a hammer head opposite the striking face.
23. PHOSPHENES - The lights you see when you close your eyes hard. Technically the luminous impressions are due to the excitation of the retina caused by pressure on the eyeball.
24. PURLICUE - The space between the thumb and extended forefinger.
25. RASCETA - Creases on the inside of the wrist.
26. ROWEL - The revolving star on the back of a cowboy's spurs.
27. SADDLE - The rounded part on the top of a matchbook.
28. SCROOP - The rustle of silk.
29. SNORKEL BOX - A mailbox with a protruding receiver to allow people to deposit mail without leaving their cars.
30. SPRAINTS - Otter dung.
31. TANG - The projecting prong on a tool or instrument.
32. WAMBLE - Stomach rumbling.
33. ZARF - A holder for a handleless coffee cup.

~this list provided by www.canongate.net

Sunday Bloody Sunday

Here I am at work on my day off. The guilt of not helping my "team" during the holiday and not doing enough around the house while Logic slaves over new countertops and flooring forced me to get off my lazy ass and come in for a few hours today.
I'm not happy about it. I know I'm just making it harder on myself since I'm already burnt out. And yet I'm here. It's only been 2 hours but I feel like I've been here all day. Guess 3 hours will be my limit today.
I still have so much I want to do today. I need to hit the gym after this. Not only for my mental sanity but to burn off some work-related aggression. Then I need to get some holiday shopping done. Which unfortunately means I'll be entering the mouth of the beast (aka the mall) to find a few last-minute things. And after that, I have to head home and do laundry so I have something to wear tomorrow.
This Sunday blows.

Underneath My Keyboard

Does your keyboard look like this?
Mine wishes it was that clean. Being the multi-tasker that I am, I tend to eat at my desk while I work. This has led to a keyboard tray filled with powdered sugar, parmesan cheese, and bread crumbs. And I just cleaned it a few weeks ago. I'm a disgusting eater!

Holiday OT

I'm sneaky and I didn't even realize it.
My boss asked me to "volunteer" for some overtime this week so I offered up 2 extra hours tomorrow, knowing that Logic had the afternoon off and carpooling wouldn't be an issue.
All morning I've been psyching myself up for a long day tomorrow. Thinking of different things I can do to get myself through the day. Then I received an email reminding me of our team's Happy Hour tomorrow at 4:00.
I giggled conspiratorally. Tomorrow won't be so bad afterall.

Group Outting

Last month I received an email from my boss asking me to organize a function for my office. Since I used to be the Event Coordinator at Buca di Beppo (for a total of four months) I thought I'd set up dinner there and have everyone walk over to Jillian's Pool Hall afterward.
The event was last night and everything went according to plan. Dinner was good and conversation was fun. I learned a lot about my co-workers (like that my boss's name is Jason. Who knew?) and that I'm a pretty good air-hockey player. But mostly, I learned that the people I work with aren't as foreign to me as I'd thought.
Being in the tech industry often times leaves me feeling insecure about my computer-related knowledge and my lack of desire to remain in this field for life. But last night proved to me that a lot of people are here for the same reason I am - it's stable. Everyone has a passion and last night I got to see that. Being reassured of that motivated me to focus more of my energy on my passions. This blog being one of them.

Lilikoi

Tomorrow is a very tumultuous day in the history of Amaya. It's the day my dear friend Lilikoi got married. Don't get me wrong, I ADORE her husband and am so happy for them. But 3 years ago, as she was preparing to walk down the aisle, I was no where to be found. You see, she had flown from Hawaii to Florida for my wedding only a few months prior but due to some complications I wasn't able to make it to hers.
I had a very tough decision to make. Should I fly to Hawaii for one of my best friend's weddings? Or to Oregon to meet my new neice? Ultimately, I chose Oregon. It was one of the hardest decisions I've ever had to make, but I stick by it. Allison has become such a huge part of my heart and I am so grateful to have been there right after she was born.
Even though I have my neice's birthday to celebrate, this time of year makes me sad because I am reminded that I missed Lili's wedding. It wasn't only the day that I missed out on, but the months leading up to and after. Her feelings were so hurt when I told her I wouldn't be coming. So hurt because she thought I didn't put the same priority on our friendship that she'd did. We didn't talk for over a year.
I continued to email/write/call her but to no avail. I guess my persistance was an attempt to show her that she was (is) so important to me and that I wasn't willing to give up.
6 months after her wedding, as Logic and I were preparing to move across the country I wrote her a long letter telling her how important she still was to me and that I would continue to let her know what's going on in my life. A few months after that, I got a reply.
It was one of the happiest days of my life. That letter was the first step in resurrecting an important relationship that I hold very dear to my heart. And everytime she emails/writes/calls me, it's as if I'm getting that reply all over again.

~lili, I am so grateful for your friendship. And I will always regret not being there for your wedding. I love you and I hope you have a very Happy Anniversary this Thursday.

Against the Flow

In the last few years I've felt a shift. A shift in my priorities, beliefs and goals. It's because of this shift that I find myself going against the flow this time of year.
I no longer find comfort in the holiday season. I partially blame cnn for that. It's hard to appreciate unwarranted, highly expensive "wants" when the other 2/3's of the world are fighting for fresh water. Anderson Cooper isn't helping this isse - I find him fascinating and his editorials across the sea have opened my eyes to a lot of the world's problems.
But it isn't just the global issue that has me weary of Christmas. My religious beliefs have changed and that leaves me feeling empty and confused this time of year. And what's worse is that most American's, regardless of their religious standpoint, spend Christmas focusing on gifts. So even if I don't believe in Christ I'm expected to buy gifts for family and friends. Which leads me to wonder 'for what'? Sure, I want to show my loved ones that I care for them. But do I really need to max out my credit card to do that? And on top of that, most of my family is very religious so I find this season to be one of explainations and misunderstandings.
Things would be much easier if I just didn't care. But I find myself getting worked up over this. Not to say that I am selfish and don't like to buy things for the people I love, but I just don't want to spend all of my money on expected gifts for a season I don't believe in. I'd much rather be putting that money somewhere else - like donating it to a charity I support, or saving up for a new car, or being able to finish renovations on my house.
I get so stressed out during the Christmas season. How do I prioritize my life, stand by my beliefs, and reach my goals when I can't even stand up for myself? What would Jesus do?

Dear Allison

I'm sorry I won't be coming to your house this weekend. I really wanted to spend your 3rd birthday with you. You are one of my favorite people and I always love playing with you.
It just wasn't in the cards for me to come. Besides the car trouble I've dealt with this week, I'm also feeling stressed out about the holiday season and getting my condo back together before Grandma and Grandpa come. On top of that, we might get another snow storm tonight and I'm not comfortable driving my problem-ridden car to your house.
But please know that I'll be thinking of you often this weekend. And I'll try to call you tomorrow so we can talk.
I sure do love you! Have a very Happy Birthday!
Love, Your Auntie