Recent Walk

Here are some of my favorite shots from a recent walk through Pioneer Square.

4 Ton Limo Ride

On my way from the gym to my office I happened to be on the phone with Jill and wasn't paying any attention to the announcements on the bus so when everyone got off at the library I was concerned.
The bus driver alerted me that he still had 3 more stops and I would be dropped off right in front of my building. Then he joked that he was giving me a four-ton limo ride to work. Nice way to start the day.

Smart (pause) AND Pretty

When I moved to Florida I didn't anticipate how much I'd grow to dislike my cousin. That story is for another time, but let's just say she wasn't exactly welcoming. So when it came time for my wedding, I tried to involve her in as little as possible. She was invited to the actual ceremony and also to a party we threw for our Grandparents a few nights before.
It was at that party that my family got to see first-hand what Michelle was like. And shortly after an incident in the kitchen, my sisters Laurie and Jill were outside on the porch talking. The conversation came up about how bitter Michelle was (is). To which one sister said: "she's just jealous of us because we're prettier" (include as much sarcasm as you'd like). The other sister replied: "Yeah! And smarter!".
From that day on it became 'a thing'. Something all of us sister's would say to cheer each other up. Only somehow it morphed into "you're smart AND pretty".
So today as I was walking through a new neighborhood on my break, I passed a middle-aged man who looked like he'd seen better days. He asked me if I knew where the Salvation Army was and after I gave him directions he said: "thank you! You're so smart!(pause) AND PRETTY!" I tried to control my laughter because I didn't want him to think it was directed at him. But after turning around to thank him I couldn't help but giggle a little bit.

Withdrawls

As I've stated before, my Dad and I email each other throughout the workweek. He is newly retired and I am loathing my job in front of a computer all day. I think he initiated it but we've gone back and forth for nearly a year now and he never seizes to brighten my day.
One glitch in our perfect system is when he goes on vacation. Having a good grasp of email, but not a great one, he hasn't set up a personal email account outside of his Outlook. This prevents him from being able to access his email when he's away from his computer. Which means that our communication stops for however long he's gone.
Since it has been a part of my day for so long now, I have a really hard time without our correspondence. My days seem longer. I laugh less. It's very sad, really.
It's been 2 days into his 3 week vacation and I'm starting to go through withdrawls. My mouse instinctually gravitates toward my inbox and I've already harrassed all my friends with multiple emails.
What the next few weeks will be like, I'm not sure. But I do know that when my Dad returns and I start getting emails from him again, I am going to be so happy!

My Batteries Are Dead

As spring approaches, I feel my spirits lighten. The dark thoughts that plague me all winter subside and I feel refreshed. It is something I've tried to conquer in the past - not letting the weather have so much affect on me - but I've come to realize that it's a part of who I am.
I like to be happy. And in order for me to be happy, I need to be surrounded by cheerful things. (ie: sunshine and puppies.)
So when I woke up this morning and the sky was clear I thought to myself: "Amaya, you should bring your camera to work and take pictures during your break."
Agreeing with myself that it was a good idea, I packed up the camera and headed into work.
As the day progressed, the clouds came back and I was getting discouraged. I really wanted to take some shots of springtime. Cheerful stuff with the sun shining in the background. But at 10:30 I couldn't wait any longer - I needed to take a break.
I decided to take a walk anyway and try to get some pictures. So I walk across the street to a local Asian grocery store and as I prepare to take a shot of the white cherry blossoms in the courtyard my camera shut down.
I try to start it up again but the screen shows "recharge batteries". So instead of taking pictures, I went for a walk and continues to search for places that inspire me.
Guess I'll have a better idea of what to take when my camera actually does work. And hey, maybe the sun will actually be out by then.

The 511

I left work at 3:30 and headed for the gym. I take one of 2 busses to get there. One is for Mukilteo and the other goes to Lynnwood/Ash Way. I see the Lynnwood/Ash Way bus pull up and get on the back entrance. I wait as the bus crowds up and when it gets close to my stop, I ring the bell.
The bus doesn't stop! I plow 20 people over in my attempt to get to the driver and he tells me "next stop Lynnwood. 511 doesn't stop at Howell and Yale. It never does."
(Now, if you recall this same thing happened to me in November. The day before Thanksgiving, to be exact. Apparently there is more than one Lynnwood/Ash Way bus and I happened to get on the Express. Aren't I lucky?)
Twenty minutes later, I got off in Lynnwood and waited another 10 minutes for a bus to downtown. And because of traffic and the lack of an express-lane heading south at that hour, it took 45 minutes to go 15 miles. When I did finally get back into Seattle, the bus dropped me off across the street from my gym! What are the odds?
In the meantime, Logic had a rough day as well. He'd driven down to Olympia to take a promotional-based test for his job. He called me around 1:30 to tell me he thought he bombed it and was going to be sick. I reminded him that he's his worst critic and that he probably did better than he thought. But true to his personality, he spent the rest of the day beating himself up.
So when I called Logic to tell him that I was on the 511 to Lynnwood, he decided to take a few co-workers up on their offer to watch some of the Sweet 16 at a bar. Later, after I met up with Logic, he admitted that he really needed that time to bullshit with his co-workers about the test. He wouldn't have gone if I'd been done with the gym at 5:00 so I guess my trip to Lynnwood was worth it afterall.

Inspiration

I often wake up in the middle of the night with an idea for a post. I go through the entire thing in my head. Writing and re-writing it until I'm happy. At that point, I drift back off to sleep only to wake up and not remember it.
Maybe I should be writing it down?

E.E. Cummings

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in
my heart) i am never without it (anywhere
i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling)

i fear
no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) i want
no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

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Letter from Allison

Paige transcribed an email today from my neice, Allison to me:

Allison to Auntie Amaya,

I miss you. I love you! I love Auntie Amaya!

Come visit me.

I love you.

Come play with me. I painted my nails. Mommy painted my toenails.

I painted Mommy’s fingernails.

Love, Allison

Losing Your Groove

Looks like someone is still Waiting to Exhale.

(Not Taye.. I just wanted to include a sexy picture of him. heehee)

Pet Peeve

I'm convinced the man who sits behind me doesn't know how to chew with his mouth closed.

~editorial note: this is not my co-worker

The New VP

AND NOW!... I HAVE THE GREAT PRIVELEDGE TO WELCOME OUR NEXT GUEST!... HE IS A WELL RESPECTED MAN IN HIS CONDO ASSOCIATION ...AND HAS BEEN KNOWN TO REPAIR MANY A HOUSEHOLD ITEM!...
AND AS OF LAST NIGHT!... WAS ELECTED VICE PRESIDENT... OF... THE ...ASSOCIATION!... (crowd roars)
WELCOME,... ONE AND ALL,...
LLLLOOOOGGGGGIIICCCC!!!!

Tap, Tap, Tap

Sometimes the tapping of fingers on a keyboard makes me sleepy. This does not bode well for my job performance. ZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzz...

Who Complains About Their Weekend?

Growing up in a family where it wasn't encouraged to sit in front of the television all weekend, I am now finding it hard to do just that. This weekend is quite the opposite from last. I won't be cramming 3 friends into 2 days worth of quality time or devouring a good book. Those 3 friends are all busy this weekend and I had to return my book to the library without finishing it. :( To make matters worse, I ordered the book online and had it shipped to my office only to realize today that it will probably arrive tomorrow. So I'm left with few options. The weather will be a big factor, but I assume even the sunniest of skies will allow me a few hours of nothing to do.
So here I am, actually complaining about my weekend. WTF?

~update. My books just arrived. Anyone who knows me will be surprised that I'm actually excited to read!

In a Perfect World

I want to go to a salon where I can get a pedicure and cuddle with a puppy!

The China Lady

As an adult I realize that title may sound a little un-PC. But before PC was PC, I was a young girl who had just moved from Washington to Oregon. I was befriended by Lanie despite our many differences and we were inseparable for many years.
Lanie grew up in a house that encouraged performing. Whether that be singing, playing the piano, starring in a local play or winning at charades. This provided many a late night in her house. (My family was more reserved when it came to entertaining and most of us were in bed by 10:00. Still are, actually.)
So whenever Lanie and I would have a slumber party she would struggle to keep me awake past my bedtime. I would usually make it through whatever we were doing, but as soon as we got ready for bed my eyes would droop and I would start to fade. That would drive Lanie crazy! She wanted to stay awake and talk all night. Often times I would try to oblige but as soon as it was her turn to talk, I would be out. So she came up with this idea to tell each other stories. It would be completely random and stream-of-consciousness which made it very entertaining for both the story teller and the listener.
I don't remember who's story started the tradition, but somehow we would always manage to include The China Lady. She would always shuffle her way into the storyline just as you thought you had the plot figured out. Her understanding of American culture always provided a laugh and kept the listener wondering if she was going to do something silly.
Years later, Lanie and I are still friends but are far in proximity and lacking any good sleepover time. When we do get together, The China Lady usually comes up in conversation, along with other inside jokes. But the laughter that those stories evoked will never be duplicated.

Comparison

Photoshop is making it harder to appreciate natural beauty. I'll go out on a limb here and compare photoshop to breast implants.

Maria Shriver

"It's not shameful to struggle."

The Struggle

My Mom said to me today: "I don't understand how you can love us so much and disregard the way we raised you. How can you love us so much but not our religion when that is the core of who we are?"
I replied: "I don't think you're giving yourself enough credit. You are more than just your faith."

I Am A Strawberry. I Dance On My Toes

When I was in 8th grade, my writing teacher passed around a poem. It started off with: "I am a strawberry. I dance on my toes". She asked us to write our own poem starting with: "I am not a strawberry" and to explain why. But in typical Amaya style, I was inspired to go against the grain. I thought to myself: "why can't I be a strawberry? What if I do dance on my toes?" And so I wrote a poem about being a dancer.
I was reminded of this poem on Saturday during my hip hop class. Toward the end of the class I'd managed to learn most of the routine and was able to critique myself in the mirror. I couldn't help but laugh at myself. I looked like a strawberry - dancing on my toes. I assume the dancers around me were thinking "what is the ballerina doing in this class?".

What Does It All Mean, Basil?

I realize that my last few posts have been leaning a little to the spiritual side so I've decided to change it up a bit for your pleasure.
On a completely different note, I am wondering if anyone speaks German? My Paternal Grandfather was German and he taught my Dad a poem. He, in turn, taught it to his children, all the while not knowing what it meant. So in an attempt to finally know what it means I am going to include it here. Please excuse the spelling, I don't know German:

Ein Svein Dry
Lisha Lasha Lie
Hucka Pucka Deema Snucka
Hoddle Poddle
Piff Puff
Do Bis Duff

Any takers?

New Template Background

Paige suggested that my previous backdrop was a little bright and since I still haven't had a chance to search for spring in my own backyard, I again turned to flickr. This picture is one of many beautiful shots taken by Shenghung Lin.

True

My first day of work was disappointing. I was ushered to my desk and left to fend for myself. Luckily for me, Uppity took notice and did her best to help. During the next few months I felt like more a part of her team than my own and even sat among her peers. And it was because of this good fortune that I met True.
True isn't her real name, it's actually Rebecca. But as time wore on, it became apparent that her ever-optimistic attitude reflected in her vocabulary as she was often heard responding to people with that four letter word. So it stuck.
The thing I liked the most about True was that she was so self-aware and honest about who she was. Her daily life was fueled by intuition and she had no desire to appease others through her lifestyle. She was a lesbian when I knew her, but during our last conversation over the phone she told me she was dating a man. She spent most of her time focused on Buddhism and quit her job when it became apparent that she wouldn't be able to spend as much time on retreats as she wanted.
But in the time that we worked together, I looked forward to every day. She illuminated joy and had a way of explaining life to me that opened my eyes and cleared my head. I was drawn to her like a moth to a flame. I wanted to learn from her, to earn her respect and in turn, her friendship.
When she left, after only my sixth month with the company she surprised me with a note on my desk and a stone with the Buddha's face carved into it.
I only spoke to her twice after that. She is a nomad in a constant quest for life and I know that searching for her would be like trying to track the wind. So instead, I think of her often and hope that one day I will see her again.

Poem: The Summer Day

The Summer Day

Who made the world?
Who made the swan, and the black bear?
Who made the grasshopper?
This grasshopper, I mean--
the one who has flung herself out of the grass,
the one who is eating sugar out of my hand,
who is moving her jaws back and forth instead of up and down--
who is gazing around with her enormous and complicated eyes.
Now she lifts her pale forearms and thoroughly washes her face.
Now she snaps her wings open, and floats away.
I don't know exactly what a prayer is.
I do know how to pay attention, how to fall down
into the grass, how to kneel down in the grass,
how to be idle and blessed, how to stroll through the fields,
which is what I have been doing all day.
Tell me, what else should I have done?
Doesn't everything die at last, and too soon?
Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?

~Mary Oliver

Dear Isaiah

I woke up out of a dead sleep last night. I realized that I will be in Hawaii on your first birthday.
Naturally, I didn't plan my trip with that knowledge, but now that it's done, I can't help thinking that I should have recognized that and altered my plans.
Your big sister didn't seem to understand what was going on for her first birthday and she didn't even want any of her cake. But with you I know it will be different. Sure, there will be confusion about why everyone is there to take pictures of you, but I can guarantee you'll go straight for the cake. And what a sight you'll be. I'm going to miss seeing that. I am sorry.

What I've Learned

Since my anxiety kicked into high gear a year and a half ago, I've been on a quest to "find myself". And as obnoxious as it sounds, I wouldn't change a thing that has happened in that time frame because I have learned so much.
I've learned: that living to make others happy may seem benevolent but is actually torture.
Settling might appear easy but it will take it's toll - just like anything else.
Being honest about who you are - especially to the ones you love the most - is cathartic.
Life isn't about getting all the answers, it's just about living and making the most of it.
I've learned to trust my instincts. If I don't want to do something - I don't do it.
Even after learning all that in the span of 18 months, I have a long way to go. And as I previously stated - I'm not looking for all the answers. I just want to get back to a place where life is fun and every day is exciting.

Mindfulness

I think that growing up in a religious household put me in a place where I require some sort of spirituality. And since their religion didn't make sense to me, I've been searching for something to fill that void.
I recently looked into Kabballah; hoping it would provide some enlightenment into the all-important "why are we here?" question. I was inspired by some of Rabbi Aaron's insights in Kabballah Works: Secrets for Purposeful Living but found the teachings to be a little too 'organized religion' for me.
This lead me to consider being agnostic. But when I tried that on, it didn't fit. I needed to search for understanding. Not so much for answers, but for a greater view of what life really is.
So I decided to step back and look at the bigger picture. That's when I came across Coming To Our Senses: Healing Ourselves and the World Through Mindfulness. It isn't preachy like religion and it doesn't serve to answer all the questions. It just teaches how to appreciate everyday in it's purest sense and to see things for what they really are. I'm only a third of the way through it but I feel like I'm looking at life in a different way. Re-learning how to think. And finding new ways to find happiness in everyday life.
I'm sure my search will continue long after this book but I feel like I might be on the right path and that is a wonderful feeling.

It's A Secret

I left work at 11:00 and returned at 1:00. I was sneaky. Making sure no one was following me, I ran down the stairwell and out into the street. And when I returned, I was like a ninja. Swift, fast movements from the doorway to my desk.
Did anyone even know I was gone? I doubt it. I'm good.

Staying Put

After our trip to Willamette Pass in January where we spent a wonderful weekend with some friends from home, Logic and I considered moving back to Roseburg. We figured it would be a great place to settle down and spend Sunday dinners with our closest friends and family. And we felt like we were putting our lives on hold for the day when we could be back there and make memories with our loved ones.
So when Logic's parents came for a visit a month ago, we told them our intentions. They were shocked and excited but Logic's mom was somewhat apprehensive. She pointed out that Roseburg doesn't have much for people our age who have the same goals we have and the job market wouldn't offer much.
We spent the next few weeks discussing what our lives would be like there. And although the thought of having a familial support system sounded appealing, we decided it wasn't the right time. Logic's mom had some very valid points, but there was more to it than that. For one thing, I still haven't completed college. And while I have a stable job with good pay, I set a goal for myself a long time ago to get a degree and I need to do that for myself. For another, Logic has a great job with great benefits.
Knowing we made the right decision, we've spent the last month planning our future in Seattle. Right now we're focusing on my education and preparing him for the possibility of Law School. We're trying to finish our renovation on our condo so we can move up the real-estate ladder and purchase a townhome closer to our future schools. And we're consciously spending more time with our friends because we realize we might be here for a while and although they're not family, they're as close as it gets in Seattle (besides my brother, but I rarely see him).
So it looks like we're staying put for a while. And you know what? I'm alright with that. I've moved around most of my life, and the thought of making a home for myself in Seattle sounds like a refreshing change.

Sisters Weekend

If everything goes according to plan, my sister's and I will all be meeting up in beautiful Spokane (heh) in September for our very first Sisters Weekend!!!
It all started when I noticed that Keith Urban will be in Spokane on September 13th. Laur and I have talked about meeting up in Spokane for a concert and a relaxing weekend so I just had to call her and see if she could make it. She was as excited as I was and we began planning our trip. Then we told Jill and she suggested flying up for the weekend so she could spend time with us. After that, we looped in Paige and even though she has 2 young children at home, she's considering the trip too!