Awww for the Day - Baby Panda

courtesy of World Wildlife News

Kurt Vonnegut on Writing Rules

In his book Bagombo Snuff Box: Uncollected Short Fiction, Vonnegut listed eight rules for writing a short story:

1. Use the time of a total stranger in such a way that he or she will not feel the time was wasted.
2. Give the reader at least one character he or she can root for.
3. Every character should want something, even if it is only a glass of water.
4. Every sentence must do one of two things — reveal character or advance the action.
5. Start as close to the end as possible.
6. Be a sadist. No matter how sweet and innocent your leading characters, make awful things happen to them — in order that the reader may see what they are made of.
7. Write to please just one person. If you open a window and make love to the world, so to speak, your story will get pneumonia.
8. Give your readers as much information as possible as soon as possible. To hell with suspense. Readers should have such complete understanding of what is going on, where and why, that they could finish the story themselves, should cockroaches eat the last few pages.

Vonnegut qualifies the list by adding that Flannery O'Connor broke all these rules except the first, and that great writers tend to do that.

~courtesy of wiki

Dear 2008,

I know you have a lot on your plate right now, but I was hoping to put in a few requests...
1) Could you please make this a great year for my friend, Lilikoi? 2007 sucked balls for her and I think she deserves a stellar one to compensate. 2) Would you consider having less rain than your 2007 counterpart? Just in the Seattle area. I know there are plenty of places that need the rain; maybe you could spread the love this year? 3) Do you think you could be generous with your time? I'm going back to school and will be juggling that with work and a social life with Logic. It'd be really great if you could help me out so I can find the time to study and sleep. Please?
4) Finally, could you keep an eye on my loved ones? Maybe steer them out of harm's way? And shower them with sunshine when they're feeling down? Thanks for taking the time to listen and I hope you put all the other years to shame.

Orientation

I completed a year and a half of college before moving to Florida with Logic. Looking back, I really should have stayed to complete my AA but I was in love and in a hurry to see the world. Naively, I believed I'd continue school in Jacksonville. I even registered and took 2 classes my first semester there. But half way through the semester I learned that my credits from Oregon wouldn't transfer and instead of taking all General Ed classes over, I chose to halt my education until we moved back to the West Coast.
So I quit school, got a full time job and brought home the bacon while Logic finished up with his BS. (How appropriate that Bachelors of Science is the same as Bull Shit. Just my opinion.) A month after his graduation, we packed up a U-Haul and drove cross-country for the second time. We settled into Seattle and I waited for residency to kick in so I could apply to the UW. But somewhere along the way things got complicated and I got scared. We bought a condo and moved to the West Seattle peninsula. Time progressed and so did my fear of managing school with my ever-expanding grown-up responsibilities. So I put it off. And then I got sick of my job. That pushed me to finally make the leap and I applied to the UW day program in July. And then I waited. And waited.
It wasn't until November 30th that I finally received a letter from school, only it wasn't what I wanted to hear. They'd turned me down. No explanation, no nothing. I moped around for 2 days before Logic brought it up.
There had been a blue slip in the UW packet that asked me to apply to the Evening Degree Program instead. When I first read it, I considered it a slap in the face. "You're not good enough for our day program, but our standards for the night classes are really low so you should look into it." Logic asked me to consider it. He talked about how much he enjoyed the few night classes he took at JU because the students were focused and mature. There weren't girl's giggling in the corner about haircuts and shoes and no guys around talking about their latest conquests. No, the night classes were full of adults. Hard working adults who were making sacrifices to be there.
Not wanting to lump myself in the 'adult' category quite yet, I squirmed at the thought of being surrounded by OLD PEOPLE. But curiosity got the best of me and I decided to look at the curriculum. Interesting classes jumped out from the website more often than I expected and I found myself comparing the schedule I thought I wanted to the one that was staring me in the face. And it seemed the new one was winning. So I decided to apply. Just to see what would happen. And you know what? I got in.
Last night I went to Orientation and met with advisers from financial aid, registration, the health center, the English program and even talked with a Professor from Anthropology. Today I am meeting with an adviser to set up my schedule for classes and in two weeks I'll actually be a student! I can't believe this is finally happening!

The BEAST 50 Most Loathsome People in America, 2007

Ballsy: (but totally true)

9. You

Charges: You believe in freedom of speech, until someone says something that offends you. You suddenly give a damn about border integrity, because the automated voice system at your pharmacy asked you to press 9 for Spanish. You cling to every scrap of bullshit you can find to support your ludicrous belief system, and reject all empirical evidence to the contrary. You know the difference between patriotism and nationalism -- it's nationalism when foreigners do it. You hate anyone who seems smarter than you. You care more about zygotes than actual people. You love to blame people for their misfortunes, even if it means screwing yourself over. You still think Republicans favor limited government. Your knowledge of politics and government are dwarfed by your concern for Britney Spears' children. You think buying Chinese goods stimulates our economy. You think you're going to get universal health care. You tolerate the phrase "enhanced interrogation techniques." You think the government is actually trying to improve education. You think watching CNN makes you smarter. You think two parties is enough. You can't spell. You think $9 trillion in debt is manageable. You believe in an afterlife for the sole reason that you don't want to die. You think lowering taxes raises revenue. You think the economy's doing well. You're an idiot.

Exhibit A: You couldn't get enough Anna Nicole Smith coverage.

Sentence: A gradual decline into abject poverty as you continue to vote against your own self-interest. Death by an easily treated disorder that your health insurance doesn't cover. You deserve it, chump.

~courtesy of buffalobeast.com

Interesting Comparison

courtesy of bushladin

The Year in Review - 2007

I was signing Holiday cards the other day and it got me thinking about the things I wanted to share with my friends; things that I may have forgotten to tell them through email, text or phone calls. This, in turn, got me thinking about what an amazing year I've had. And how little time I've taken to appreciate it. (In an effort to have more time to appreciate it, I'm going to write in list form to speed this up.)

JANUARY

-Drove 7 hours to Willamette Pass to go on a ski trip that didn’t actually involve any skiing (but was still fun).
-Visited by Logic's parents
-Discovered that I have an introvert living inside me who enjoys reading, writing and exercise just as much as the extrovert likes social interaction.

FEBRUARY

-My friend, Melanie won the Card Counting Competition at the Bellagio, breaking the record with 7.8 seconds!
-Received a VHS tape from my parents of a marathon of Cosby Show episodes. Even though I couldn’t find my VCR, I loved their intention. It made me smile.
-Got my groove back in a Hip Hop class
-Fell in love with Flickr

MARCH

-Learned some interesting trivia (ex: All polar bears are left handed.)
-Received a sweet letter from my three year old niece asking me to come play with her.
-Took the wrong bus again and wound up in Lynnwood (30 minutes north of my destination)

APRIL

-Narrowly missed getting crapped on by a bird
-Went to HAWAII
-Did a trial run a month before I was actually supposed to go to a Bridal Shower

MAY

-Hurt my back again
-Went to a funeral
-Went through jogging-withdrawl
-Celebrated my 5^th year wedding anniversary

JUNE

-Saw Barack Obama and Austin Scarlett within a week of each other
-Booty continued to get bigger despite regular gym schedule
-Logic turned 27
-Gave my old therapist the boot

JULY

-Spent the weekend before Paige’s 30^th Anniversary of her Adoption with her and her children
-Visited Moab, Utah for the first time. Stayed in a cabin and hiked to Arches National Park
-Watched The Last King of Scotland and had nightmares for weeks
-Went to my first Gay Pride Parade

AUGUST

-Bawled my eyes out during a Mia Michaels choreographed dance

-St. Augustine, Florida turned 442 years old
-Learned a new form of abstract art from my mom
- Took a trip to Bainbridge Island to tour the Bloedel Reserve
-Cried most of the way through Out of Africa
-Hit Allison in the face with a soccer ball not once, not twice, but three times! Later won the award for worst Aunt ever
-Tried making home made ice cream with disgusting results

SEPTEMBER

-Went camping at Mt Rainier
-Saw a few Mariner’s games
-Met up with a childhood friend
-Flew to Spokane to see Keith Urban (whoohoo!) and to spend the weekend with 2 sisters and a brother
-Went to Jury Duty for the first time and discovered that I rather liked it
-Bought a new-to-me Volvo

OCTOBER

-Read “Eat, Pray, Love” for the first time (I’m on round 2 right now)
-Turned 28
-Went bowling with my work crew and actually had some fun
-Spent my birthday with my parents and husband
-Traveled to Victoria, B.C.
-Found a new therapist after having a mini-meltdown in Canada
-Discovered Lush

NOVEMBER

-Spent Thanksgiving with three dudes
-Had a visit from Paige and her family

DECEMBER

-Celebrated Allison’s 4^th Birthday with her
-Endured a big storm
-Got permission from Jesus himself not to believe in him
-Received an amazing compliment from a writer I admire

I'll be finishing out the year with a trip to Oregon for Christmas with Logic's family and a quick visit from Paige. And then before ringing in the new year, I'll be going to the Symphony with Logic and Daniel.

I'm Having A Moment

A few years ago a co-worker introduced me to blogging. She is a mentor to me, and has been since my very first day on the job. As a scared fish thrown into a big pond to figure things out on my own, she was there to explain and guide me until I learned my way around.
Little did she know when she showed me her blog that she would be giving me a tool I would desperately need in the coming months. Anxiety would rear its ugly head in a way I had never experienced before and writing became this cathartic savior for me. (If you're really bored, you can read through some previous posts and see, very obviously, which days were spent struggling to make sense of the mis-firings in my head.) Somewhere along the way, I found my voice and learned to dissect my thoughts. I credit this blog for a lot of that.
In the beginning, I searched blogs for inspiration and guidance. Some of them are still in my blog-roll while others have gone by the wayside. I love the interaction that this world provides. And more importantly, reading other people sort through their shit too; and come out stronger and wiser. I love that this forum provides lessons in life and that it's not all happy endings and butterflies. These are real lives, real stories and real solutions.
One such blog came to me through flickr. I can't even remember how I stumbled upon flickr, but it quickly tied for first place with blogspot for my affection. One of the first random pictures I saw was of a mother and daughter. It was pure emotion. Creamy white skin merged with cocoa-butter skin in such a natural way. I stared at it for a long time just loving how open this person was with her life. So willing to share. From that day forward, I have tried to follow her photography, and in turn, I started reading her blog.
Today I casually read her post "You Can't Miss What You've Never Had...Except Once In A While" and had to do a double take when she included one of my posts in her story. I guess you could say I had a Moment. I admire her creativity through writing and photography immensely. So for her to say Banter was "beautiful, funny and touching"; well that just blew me away.
It just goes to show how powerful this medium is.

Funny

Not Sure I Can Wait Until Summer 2008

A First

Last night, after 5 years of marriage and 9 years together, I did the unthinkable.
During a moment of innocent teasing, I managed to find myself trapped in the kitchen with the husband manning the door, ready to pounce.
He taunted me. "What are you going to do now?"
And without thinking, I turned around, shoved my ass in the air, and farted.

Fun With Meditation

I had a talk with Jesus today.
I was lying on a cloud, minding my own business when he floated over. We talked awhile and he told me it was alright if I didn't want to believe that he was God. He said I could believe whatever I wanted. He also gave some great advice about what to do when times get tough. He said I should just let it go. And ride the wave.
Did I mention Jesus talked like a surfer?

Okay, But Only Because Everyone Else Is Doing It...

I have Wish-list envy. It seems that every blog I look at now has a wish-list up. And it has me thinking about mine. I'd like to break the list down to things I came up with myself and things I'm stealing from other lists because they are JUST THAT COOL. So here goes...
I'm just that cool and came up with these on my own:
Big Hug Christmas Ornament
An Affair To Remember
Riedel O Pink Champagne Glasses
Cinema Paradiso
VW Fahrenheit
Bathbombs
a Puppy!
or another Puppy!
Pajamas
24-inch: 2.8GHz iMac

They're just that cool and need to be repeated:
Diana Camera From Sexy Lexi
Psychedelic Wellies From Ruby Soho

Banter

As some of you may know, my dad and I email back and forth throughout the day. In the morning, our conversations are about how our previous evenings were spent and what our intentions for the day are. But as the morning turns into afternoon, our conversations digress and we find ourselves making up silly stories. To the untrained eye, it would sound like jibber-jabber but between the two of us, it is full of inside jokes and a lot of teasing about my mom.
For instance, I think I've said this before too, we like to kid that my mom is a drunk. Not funny in most situations (and I don't mean to make light of a very serious condition), but we find humor in it because in all actuality, my mom rarely drinks alcohol. And somewhere along the line, we agreed to include drugs into our little fantasy.
So today, when our banter turned into this:

Dad: Don't look now, but you have some mustard on your upper lip.
Me: How did that mustard get there? I haven't had a hot dog for 2 days now.
Dad: You need to wash your face more than ever four or five days.
Me: Well, no one told me that.
Dad: Not even your mother?

I couldn't help but reply with this:

Me: You sound surprised.
How does her saying go again?...
Wash my face?
What's the point?
I have Mary Kay.
Now pass the joint.

Bathbomb Template

This was the color of my bathwater! Isn't it be-oo-tiful? If you can, try to imagine the scents of lavender, lemon and seaweed. Then add the frothy foam created during the bomb's eruption and throw in a deep turquoise color for effect. Ahhh yes, that's it.
How relaxing.

Choosing a Path

My parents are driving to Amarillo today so that my dad can meet with a dietitian. When asked why, my dad replied by saying something about his age and how he wanted to make sure he was eating the right things to stay healthy. And while I applaud him for being proactive, I can't deny that the conversation freaked me out a little bit.
My parents are old. And not in the 'everybody says their parents are old' kind of way. While I am the tender age of 28, my mom is 65 and my dad is going to be 70 in April. Those are the breaks when you're the youngest of six children. (And I will forever be left knowing that my older siblings all spent more time with our parents than I ever will.)
I should count myself lucky because I enjoy spending time with my parents. I know my situation isn't exactly the norm. For one, my parents are still married. Over forty years of marital work, and they are still going strong. For another, they're great parents. And to sum up what could potentially be a very long list, they're pretty damn fun too. But all of those pros don't take away from one big con: we won't be growing into old age together.
After talking to my dad, my anxious mind went into a similar spiral to the one I just exhibited. I was saddened at the thought of my parents not remaining their spry selves. Of their embarrassment when the time comes for them to need help doing daily tasks. And the realistic potential of consoling one after the other one passes. But I quickly realized that I was leading myself down an unhealthy path. After all, the 'what ifs' are a token sign of anxiety. And once I start down that road, it gets harder and harder to turn around and rush back to safety.
So instead I chose to remind myself that this is a habit I'm trying to break. No one knows the future so there is no need to fret about it. The only thing worrying will do is lead me right down the path I'm trying to avoid.
So I took a deep breath and put a smile on my face. That's a good start.

Christmas Is Early This Year

Robert Benchley

"There are two kinds of people in the world, those who believe there are two kinds of people in the world and those who don't."

Share a Story, and a Meal

Sometimes it's easy to feel helpless. For example, on my way to work, I pass a part of town that is popular with Seattle's homeless. There's usually a person or two begging for money at the off-ramp, but for that one person, there are four more huddled together in a car or finding shelter under the bridge.
When I can, I try to share my lunch but as I pass along my orange or my sandwich, I can see the huddle of people in the shadows and my attempt to help suddenly doesn't feel like enough.
I'm sure you can think of a time when your gesture to help didn't seem like enough either. But at least you did something. Helping one person in their struggle just might pay it forward, so to speak. So if you'd like to pay it forward today, here's your chance. Why not share a story here?
For every story you share, Country Crock will donate a meal through Second Harvest.
Go on. I'm sure you can think of something.

One Of My Favorite Things

Jim Gaffigan. 'Nough said.

I Need a Beer

Today has been rather stressful. The holidays will do that around here. Plus, Logic had some complications when trying to buy a new cell phone today (seems they want to charge him an extra $40 a month for the service required for the phone) AND someone kept trying to fax something to my cell phone number AND I had a difficult account. AND...

Random Thoughts

Today's is a real doozy. I was sitting in the bathroom (where I have all of my profound thoughts) when this went through my mind:
"I may have been rejected by UW and I may be one of only 3 people at work without a laptop but at least I'm not fat."

Feeling Very Fortunate

~photos courtesy of Seattletimes.com